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Best movie ever!

Yo, there's no way for me to review this film without saying, take your *insert ethnicity + "ass" here* to see this film,like now. You have to see it in order to know what you're really messing with.

It is neither dumb nor smart enough to be fun, and spends way too much time with its boring human characters.

The story, direction, characters, and writing/dialogue is akin to taking a tranquilizer shot to the neck, but everything else was so well done.

Excellent movie about self-reflection and the willingness of people to change an undesirable personal situation. The movie starts of a bit silly, with giraffes walking the streets of Brussels and a movie theater filled with chickens but then turns out to treat a deep philosophical human theme... God exists, he is an angry, bad-tempered, middle aged, white man living in a small apartment in Brussels from where he controls the world from behind his computer. And he has a daughter, Ea, which he treats badly. One day, Ea has enough and rebels against her father and leaves for earth after sending an sms to each and every human stating the day on which he/she will die. From there, we follow the lives of six people who, now that they know exactly how much time they have left, start to self-reflect and to change their personal lives. From the director of "Mr. Nobody". Memorable quote from God: "I've got humanity by the balls! They don't know when they are going to die"!

Nowadays a film like this one by Belgian veteran Dormael is quite the rare bird. "Le tout nouveu testament" is at once sweet and brutal, maudlin and without clichéd sentiment, magical, yet grounded, funny and heartfelt without being nauseating; simple with moments of profundity but without being forced. It has Beatle-esque messages: love is all you need, live life on your terms and don't be a victim of what you may perceive as fate.Ea (who is played masterfully by Pili Groyne) lives in Brussels and is the daughter of God or Dieu (Benoit Poelvoorde), a salacious, abusive and bitter creator of mankind, who browbeats his peaceful loving wife and crucified his only son for going off the beaten path (which meant ditching the cynicism and self-hatred of his father). Ea at ten years old grows tired of her father, takes the advice of her older brother who in the film is a living statuette of himself on the mount, and hijacks her father's computer, a computer which controls the whole of mankind. Soon everyone in Brussels gets a text message stating the exact amount of time each person has left to live. What ensues is anarchy of sorts—people begin to live on their own terms. Ea then escapes to Brussels through her families' clothes washer that doubles as an Alice in Wonderland rabbit hole to the city, where she has set out to find six apostles to add to her brother's twelve to round out the number to eighteen—the number of players it takes to play a proper baseball game…Ea's saintly mother's favorite sport. Thus, the adventure begins with an angry God on her heels.The storytelling is beautiful and though it is complex and quick to add characters with their own story lines the plot is never allowed to get out of hand. The scenarios, the dialogue, it is all taut and witty and for the subject matter full of originality. The set designs by Sylvie Olive and Pascalle Willame are truly brilliant and have been aptly awarded. The lush cinematography at the hands of Christophe Beaucarne (who has worked on other visually striking films "Chicken with Plums," "The Blue Room," and Dormael's own "Mr. Nobody") finds a striking harmony with the overarching majestic sensibility that rushes from the film, start to finish. The CGI (which I am admittedly picky about how it is used) works in perfect accordance with the brilliant color schemes and precise compositions that allow infinite space for flourishing impressionist absurdity. The acting is wonderful and charming…not to mention Catherine Deneuve falling in passionate love with a gorilla. But, that being said, Groyne doesn't only hold her own on screen with a living legend like Deneuve—she is the screen."The Brand New Testament" does irk me. I watch and I think aloud, "This is what Hollywood should aspire to: Intellectual, entertaining, funny, absurd and magical well-crafted filmmaking." We shouldn't have to buy a man from Mexico to give us "Birdman." Why should we be afraid of the whimsical? Everything that is done well always has its place in moderation. The writing and construction in "The Brand New Testament" is taut and witty, without the tongue in cheek. It is writing that puts the sentimental, the brutal, the happy, the sad, the magical and the mundane in its proper place at the proper time and takes blasphemy and the people who will accuse the film of blasphemy and gently but with a s**t eating grin eschew them through Ea's rabbit hole. If you want to watch a fun,well crafted, thought provoking film that evokes similar unapologetic fancies, emotions and styles of Jean-Pierre Jeunet's frenetic,ultra-cute "Amelie" or even Tim Burton's film of visual wonder and thematic sentiment "Big Fish" then setback and enjoy. With or without God, cinema can still be magic.

I was looking forward for this since it was from one of my favourite directors who is a very unique storyteller. This is a fantasy and a black comedy from Belgium that was chosen to represent the country in the last Oscars. This is where the critics overtake the film fanatic to like it more. It is a theme that revolves on what would you do if you get a power to write the laws of the nature. A complicated topic, because loopholes are inevitable, but the writer and director did not care much about that and narrated the tale what they just wanted to tell.The story centres on an arrogant and abusive father who is also the creator the universe, especially the designer of the lives on the earth and this tale takes place in the Belgian capital, Brussels. When his bored and concerned daughter Ea, runs away from home to re-edit his creation as advised by her brother JC, he goes after her to ensure everything stay as he had planned. In an unexpected confrontation between father and daughter, in the end who is going to be victorious is the rest of the narration. Remember, there is a post credit scene, which opens the door for a possible sequel, but I don't think that'll happen."Giving men knowledge of their own death... Crazy!"It was a beautiful concept, but I don't think I liked the entire narration, though some of the parts were very interesting. Since it was a fantasy, logics are not required, but the lack of the basic explanation was the setback if you're a broad minded. This film is for the simple minds, especially after knowing the theme you should not anticipate a genuine tale with great adventure and stunts, particularly not visual extravaganza. It was kind of a drama-adventure, something like entering the world that created by you and experiencing all by yourself the positives and negatives of it.Somewhat it was a fun, so definitely not a bad film, but I felt it should have been a lot more than that. Kind of a missed opportunity and falls into a simplicity. All the actors were good, especially the little girl. But I think it's not suitable for the children on the ground of a film character who is associated with sex related stuff, hence it got a few brief nudes.The God character was awesome, even though his acts are predictable I enjoyed the comedies delivered by him. The Ea's undertaking was more a serious and which tries to relate with the Chritianity, especially 'The Last Supper' after her decision to help a few selected people down in the earth over billions. All the above it was barely a magical film, so that's where you've to compromise than to expect crazy stuffs out of it. So in my opinion, it was not delightful as it looks nor the best work of this talented director, but a decent 2 hour long film.6/10

... is as good a way as any to summarize this bizarre Belgian entry. It's from the same stable as Le Huitieme jour, which I enjoyed. Whilst the eighth day was more or less straightforward however the brand new testament is completely off the wall. The basic premise is that God is alive and well and living in Brussels and if it had been funded by the Brexit factor it couldn't have done a better job of encouraging England to get the hell out of Europe come the referendum. For reasons best known to himself God is a triple-distilled son of a bitch who takes a perverse delight in making people miserable. Mrs. God - the superb Yolande Moreau who is allotted far too little screen time - is a great hand at collecting baseball cards and is convinced that what the word needs now is 18 (two baseball teams) Apostles rather than the twelve with which our Lord made do so when God's daughter hacks into his computer the first thing she does is to appoint another six. And there you have it. This is one of those all-or-nothing movies, if you like it you'll love it, if you don't like it you'll loathe it. The choice is yours.