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Simply Perfect

Simple and well acted, it has tension enough to knot the stomach.

A great movie, one of the best of this year. There was a bit of confusion at one point in the plot, but nothing serious.

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

Cooties is yet another in the crop of zombie comedy movies. Thing is I'm a sucker for them, and judged by the trailer this definitely looked to be one of the better ones. I was not disappointed. It opens up with a montage of chicken nuggets being made, from the killing of the chicken all the way to the first bite, except this time it's infected and is enough to put you off chicken nuggets for life. Then we get introduced to Clint, an aspiring writer who's moved back to his sleepy little town from New York and is about to start his first day as a teaching sub at the local primary school.I found myself thoroughly enjoying the movie already, before the zombie infection had even broken out. While no new ground is particularly broken with the cast of characters, they're all a delight to watch. Clint is a positive guy despite being down on his luck, Wade is your typical jock come PE teacher with assholish tendencies, Rebekkah is tightly wound and maybe a little fanatical, Tracy is obviously trying to conceal his blatant homosexuality, Doug has no idea how to interact with real people, and Lucy is...well she's cutesy I guess; smiley, happy, giggly. She comes more into her own later on. While none of these character tropes are particularly new, the way they interact with one another, and the chemistry shared between the whole group, lends to a number of hilarious icebreaker moments, like Rebekkah pointing to her rape alarm when Clint introduces himself, or Wade's inability to pronounce 'dual rear wheel'.Thankfully the humour never really lets up, as it oozes into every moment, making Cooties more comedy than horror. Even in more serious moments, there's jokes squeezed in to lighten the mood and keep the tone more amusing than disturbing. And yet, and most crucially, none of the jokes feel forced. Each one flows naturally from the characters and moments they find themselves in. Often they come completely from the left-field and are funny out of sheer surprise (such as Doug using "gloves" to sift through bodily fluids). It's also hugely quotable, which in my opinion is one of the most enduring aspects for a comedy, as it keeps the hilarity going long after the credits have rolled. I've found myself quoting it all day today, and I foresee it getting quoted more over the next few days. "Follow me, I do crossfit" and "You may have noticed I sometimes say the wrong rowboat" are particular highlights.As I said though, Cooties ends up being more of a comedy than a horror movie, so if you're looking to it for scares, you will be disappointed. Me, I'm a wimp, so I welcomed the toned down horror. Even when the opportunity arises for a cheap jump-scare, they play it slower and less dramatically. Negative for some, but it made it more enjoyable for me personally. This is a zombie movie though, so there is a certain level of gore. A couple of characters get their guts ripped out, and there's a lot of kids covered in blood, but in-all it's fairly light on the gore scale, especially for a zombie movie.The cast are all great. While the characters are tired tropes, each one is made more enjoyable thanks to the acting talent behind it. Elijah Wood is charming as Clint, who is a character who could so easily have drifted into annoyance. Rainn Wilson steals every scene as Wade, with Leigh Whannell's Doug not far behind (seriously, who knew Leigh Whannell was actually funny?). Alison Pill is perfect as the cutesy Lucy who comes into her own later on, and Jorge Garcia enjoys looking stoned and confused throughout most the run time.There is one rather large criticism I have of Cooties though and that's the end. Or lack thereof as the case may be. The survivors manage to escape and leave the town only to reach the next town and find the pandemic is far more reaching than they expected. There's a little hint of finding a cure, but they just blow up a playgym and hightail out of there into the credits, with no resolution to any of the barebones character arcs, or the general story. It just sort of ends, and it feels like they didn't really know how to resolve anything, so just threw up the credits when they reached their allotted runtime. Maybe it was deliberate to leave the door open for a sequel, but it made the whole thing feel a little incomplete, like there was more to come that we just didn't get to see.In conclusion, Cooties is, for once, a very good thing to have experienced. It's truly hilarious and best and mildly amusing at worst. It's a little light on the horror and gore, so not recommended for that crowd, but for anyone just looking to have a good chuckle I couldn't recommend it enough. I give Cooties a solid 8/10.

Cooties delivers an interesting opening scene, but then turns into silly nonsense that doesn't satisfy a lot horror fans, with forgettable characters and a story which no one will remember. At times it is funny and entertaining, but there are many movies that are way better than this Sci fi horror flick.

Start: The chicken slaughter sequence was quite disturbing and I don't think it really enhanced the film too much. Felt as if it was sponsored by a radical'meat is murder' group Middle: The film as a whole was really enjoyable and funny Ending: The ending really let the whole thing down. I understand they wanted to leave it open for a sequel, but there was no ending whatsoever. I was waiting for something catastrophic to happen and get resolved with a spooky plot twist but there was none of this. It fell completely flat. Even though I felt a bit disappointed I would still watch a sequel to give it a second chance of an ending.

Wow, this "comedy" was unwatchable almost from the start, but I gutted it out (as it were) for about 40 minutes before turning it off and begging the gods to send ravens to pluck out my eyes so that I'd never have to watch something so execrable again.Yeah, I wasn't impressed.Your almost guaranteed tip-off that a film is going to be creatively lazy and kool-kidz masturbatory media is when it has a "Christian" character is who is a complete caricature or, even more originally, a hypocrite (yuck, yuck, just like all the kool-kidz know they are). This particular piece of cut-and-paste mastery of the "everybody knows" tropes featured the Christian woman teacher as a gun-lovin', rape-fearin', foul-mouthed harridan. Wow, there's a character we've never seen before. Then there were the other sparkling bits o' wit, like the obnoxious, abusive school kid named "Patriot" who was born on September 11 and when he turned 18 is going to become a Marine so he could kick some "towel-head ass." Oh, Noel Coward just wishes he had the faintest hint of the skill of the screenwriter of this vomitous collection of left-wing goodthink clichés about the Un-Kool Kidz.Do not waste your time, and don't even have pity for Elijah Wood, who somehow was convinced to appear in this festering cinematic abomination.