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Better Late Then Never

If the ambition is to provide two hours of instantly forgettable, popcorn-munching escapism, it succeeds.

At first rather annoying in its heavy emphasis on reenactments, this movie ultimately proves fascinating, simply because the complicated, highly dramatic tale it tells still almost defies belief.

One of the most extraordinary films you will see this year. Take that as you want.

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The late night movie channels, home of such vast quantities (and I do mean the last two syllables of the word "quantities") of tripe, beckon. And I find Dinosaur Island, courtesy of not just Jim Wynorsky, but also Fred Olen Ray. If you recognise those names, you will know exactly the sort of film we're in for. And it ain't good.A small group of military men crash land on a tropical-ish island. This island is inhabited by a) dinosaurs (hence the title), and b) attractive young women in fur bikinis. Conveniently, the number of young women is the same as the number of military men. A plot - I can't believe I have dignified it with the word "plot" - involves fighting the dinosaurs and having sex with the women.Let me say at the outset that this film isn't entirely without merit. There are actually some witty lines in the script here and there, Antonia Dorian is gorgeous in (and out of) her fur bikini, and there is a fairly large scale dinosaur model/puppet/suit which features.Less praiseworthy, but worth remarking on, are the presence of Michelle Bauer (overexposed in more ways than several, but still decorative) and Griffin Drew (including implants), and a small quantity of extremely bad stop-frame animation used to bring certain dinosaurs to, er, life.The big trick used here, though, is forced perspective. Thus, there is no need to finance a giant egg prop - you use a normal egg near the camera and have your actors 50 yards away point in the right direction to make it look as if they are pointing at the egg near the camera. Or they run away, as if chased by a dinosaur, while a small scale dinosaur close to the camera is manipulated to look as though it is chasing them. Of course, it helps if both the close and distant items are focused the same. And it helps as if the dinosaur model doesn't look as if you just bought it from a toy shop. And it helps if your models aren't grounded in normal sized (and scaled) foliage, thus making them look like the models they are.The cheap, tatty special effects are dreadful. The film as a whole is preposterous. And yet it has a cheesy good nature which makes it oddly appealing...

Dinosaur Island starts as a small plane flies over the ocean from Asia to San Diego where Captain Jason Briggs (Ross Hagen) is to hand over three deserters for trial, suddenly one of the engines cut out & the plane is forced to crash land in the sea. Captain Briggs & his mate Sergeant Healey (Steve Barkett) along with the three deserters Skeemer (Richard Gabai), Turbo (Peter Spellos) & Wayne (Tom Shell) make it to a nearby uncharted island with the injured Buzz (Bob Sheridan). Once on the island it becomes clear their problems have only just begun, poor Buzz is eaten by a giant Dinosaur & the rest of the men are captured by young & beautiful semi naked women from an Amozonian tribe & initially put to death by Queen Morganna (Toni Naples). However a cheap tattoo on Skeemer's arm saves them as the tribe believe the men to have been sent as part of a prophecy, soon the men realise in order to stay alive they have to kill the fearsome Dinosaur known as the 'Great One'...Produced & directed by quite possibly the two worst director's working in Hollywood, namely Jim Wynorski & Fred Olen Ray I have to say that while Dinosaur Island wasn't as bad as I expected it's still an absolutely terrible film which shows just what sort of expectation level I initially had for it. I think the makers knew that Dinosaur Island was going to be bad so they play up to it & maybe this light hearted approach saves it from being a complete bore although please don't take that as any sort of recommendation as I will repeat the fact that I think Dinosaur Island is a terrible film. It's just a terrible film filled with bad one-liners, silly performances & awful special effects. The plot is pretty meaningless & makes no sense or has any central story of any worth, I mean the whole script is pretty bad from start to finish. The script only really exists to show lots of good looking women in not much clothing, the initial sacrifice scene for instance not only calls for a good looking woman to be tied up & scream her head off but for another topless woman painted blue to rip her bra off like all good human sacrifice rituals do, of course. Then there's scenes of women playing in a river, washing each other & taking their tops off, women wrestling each other & women generally looking good with the minimum amount of clothing on. At only 75 minutes long (what's with the spelling of the 'Ende' caption?) at least it's short but there's not even enough story to fill that scant duration, the plot is lethargic & I found it impossible to get involved in.The special effects are anything but, I wonder if the bad effects were deliberate to try & increase the camp value even more. The Dinosaur effects range from embarrassing socks puppets to inanimate on set models that just sort of sit there to some horrible stop motion animation that is amongst the jerkiest & tatty I have seen. Some of the blue screen work is also incompetent. There's no real gore, a woman has her arm bitten but other than that forget it. There's a fair bit of nudity as a lot of the woman take their tops off at various points. Amateurishly made the whole production sucks, there's no excitement or sense of wonder or anything here & I don't care what anyone says there's no way that small rubber dinghy could have carried six men even if one of them hadn't been badly injured & lying down in it. Not wanting to spend any more than was necessary Dinosaur Island feature footage edited in from Carnosaur (1993) of the Dinosaurs, footage of the plane from Farewell to the King (1989) & long shots of the actual island are stolen from Terror in Paradise (1995).Shot in just twelve days (why so long guy's?) in the often used Bronson Canyon in California as well as the late David Carradine's ranch the production values are rock bottom here with tatty costumes, sets, locations & props. The acting is bad, everyone got on my nerves although Ross Hagen as the tough Captain gives a surprisingly straight performance while all those around him are hamming it up.Dinosaur Island is as cheap & nasty as they come, made by two of the worst director's ever to get behind a camera it was never going to be pretty. Poverty row comedy, nudie & monster film that really is as bad as it sounds.

I love this movie, it has my favorite scream queen Michelle Bauer, and a few other actors of b movies, loaded with nudity, gorgeous women, cheesy looking dinosaurs, and it is a campy as hell. It may not be a classic but I love it anyway.