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Very well executed

Undescribable Perfection

Simply Perfect

Brilliant and touching

You got dinosaurs, prehistoric man (and women), adventure, thrills, desperate situations and the age old theme of man struggling to survive. Food is a constant battle and shelter not so much. Forget about clothes as they go bare minimum in this one. Remember, back in the fifties, this type of movie was a hit and can't miss. You pay your fifty cents, get your popcorn and cokes and you and your date along with friends went out and had a good time. Of course they always had a double feature plus a cartoon too. The speech in this movie is sparse but they make up for it with hand gestures and grunts of disapproval and approval proving that we can communicate with each other no problem. Notice the three different cultures displayed here. The rock people who live a hard life which makes them hard, these Neanderthal types that are one third man and two thirds beast and the beach people who are mellow and clean. Make you own detail observations please as I just wanted to make the point. I watch this every five years or so for some of the memorable scenes. The one where they catch a wart-hog, bring it home, roast it and then devour it with no regard to women, children or elders getting their share or any share makes you wonder about how these people will survive long-term. Survival of the fittest comes through quite clear. With the beach people, you get the impression that being next to salt water creates a different mindset for how you treat each other as they share and take care of each other. Definitely have your favorite snack and tasty drink on hand for this, have some meat finger foods like chicken wings or drumsticks for atmosphere and pick out a character that you want to emulate and relate to. Let your inner cave-person out....

Back by popular demand, it is time for "Matthew Praises." I remember seeing a brief clip of on READING RAINBOW in the episode "Digging Up Dinosaurs." That clip made me believe that dinosaurs looked and sounded like that. (I was four so this was before JURASSIC PARK which came out when I was nine.) Although Raquel Welch's beauty was there to make the picture sell, I think it was Ray Harryhausen's animated beasts that really made it enjoyable to me. The music is great, but by today's standards it looks good, but the iguana and tarantula (eating crickets) made it look cheesy. After all, they wanted to pay homage to the original 1940 classic. I mean, the 1940 film ONE MILLION B.C. was clunky. It had dinosaur effects ranging from lizards with horns and spikes glued on their bodies to men in suits. Kind of like those FLASH GORDON serials from the 1930's by Universal. This movie had better monster effects. If anyone asks me what is your favorite movie where the remake is better than the original, I would say ONE MILLION YEARS B.C. made by Hammer. Hammer was planning to make a big monster movie after the success of making their Gothic horror films like THE CURSE OF FRANKENSTEIN, HORROR OF Dracula, and the 1959 remake of THE MUMMY. They wanted to remake KING KONG, with Ray's special effects skills, but they couldn't afford the rights form RKO so they ended up remaking ONE MILLION B.C. I saw this movie on Turner Classic Movies and I highly recommend it. The film was such a success, that there were cartoons that cashed in on it like Pink Panther's EXTINCT PINK (1969) and PREHISTORIC PINK (1968) and a porno parody called ONE MILLION AC/DC (1969) (Read my review, it's a "Matthew Rants" one). Followed by WHEN DINOSAURS RULED THE EARTH (1970) (read my review on that one). Not rated, but it contains violence, nudity, peril, some gore and one scary scene (specifically that tarantula). Best viewable for children over the age of 7.

WARNING! - Never, ever judge a DVD by its enticing, bikini-clad, surfer-girl, cheesecake cover! Oh-me! Oh-my! Believe me, this prehistorically preposterous "Romeo & Juliet" love story literally set the art of romance back by about a billion years (B.C.). It really did.This film is a prime example of some of the most primitive-minded, stone-aged trash that actually makes the likes of The Flintstones cartoon seem about 10x more entertaining (and authentic) by mere comparison.From wrangling with supremely peed-off warthogs to claw'n'nail cat-fights between hot cave-girls in high-fashion fur bikinis (ooh-la-la!), One Million Years B.C. can only be fully appreciated if one chooses to view it as a demented, dim-witted, slapstick comedy, presented in the comic style of a Monty Python's farce.From my point of view - This neolithic nonsense of fighting, killing, raping and grunting scraped the absolute bottom of the primordial barrel.I'd say that about the only thing missing from this one's primeval tale of uncivilized romance (perfect for Valentine's Day) was to have had the gruff & grubby Rockman (Tumak) club the sweet & delicate Shellgirl (Loana) over the head and then drag her back by her long, blond locks to a convenient cave for a little bit of "you-know-what", caveman-style.When actually comparing this film's dinosaur effects (courtesy of Ray Harryhausen) to those of 1933's King Kong, I'd confidently say that what one saw in the latter picture (though filmed 33 years prior) was, indeed, far more superior to the former flick in every way imaginable.Anyways - The truth of the matter is - One Million Years B.C. was a total stone-aged embarrassment on all counts. Yep. And that also includes its climatic "erupting volcano" scene that was (obviously) hastily thrown into this primitive mishmash for good measure.And, finally, I ask you - How the hell can Man's future possibly be looked upon as being friendly when his savage, blood-thirsty past (which goes all the way back to one million years B.C.) certainly wasn't?

The best thing about this movie is Raquel Welch in a Stone Age bikini. The next best thing about this movie is Ray Harryhausen's special effects work, which is impressive while still containing the charm of stop-motion animation.Pressed to name a third thing, I'd probably say veteran Bond girl Martine Beswick in a Stone Age bikini.Those are the only things.This is a pretty silly caveman flick, which contrasts the lifestyles of the savage brown-haired cavepeople with the peaceful, harmonious blond-haired cavepeople. All the while the cavemen and cavewomen are subjected to unprovoked attacks by dinosaurs and other giant reptiles.Aside from some opening narration, the only dialogue is in caveman-speak, but the story is not difficult to follow. There's not a lot of depth here. Just hairy men, sexy women, and some dinosaurs.Harryhausen's work effectively blends stop-motion creatures with live-action footage to bring the impossible battles of man vs. dinosaur to life on-screen. The impressive parts are when the people interact with the creatures (throwing spears at them or hitting them with rocks). Blurring the lines of what was live action and what was animation was what Harryhausen did best.Raquel Welch is the homecoming queen of the blonde cavepeople, with Martine Beswick as the sexiest member of the vicious brunette tribe. Yes, there's a cat fight. Welch and her bronzed bod steal the show, cementing her legacy as a sex symbol in this iconic role. For a cavewoman, she sure had a good makeup team.