Watch Submerged For Free

Great Film overall

Absolutely the worst movie.

Absolutely Fantastic

I like movies that are aware of what they are selling... without [any] greater aspirations than to make people laugh and that's it.

Next stop Uruguay for Seagal. He's is a soldier of fortune freed from prison under the proviso that he and his oppos can stop a group of terrorists who have taken over a nuclear submarine. A sub-plot about mind control is a big distraction for his objective, and for viewers at home. Backstory and exposition is bypassed quickly and there are some amateurish visual effects from the get-go which combine to make very dull viewing, further weighed down by an irritating flashy visual style. There are one or two good action scenes but all in all it's a ridiculously convoluted plot which is difficult to engage with.

This film is totally useless! With bad directing, bad editing, bad acting, everything. Well, what did you expect? Seagal (the fat, boring walrus) is the leading man, followed by Vinnie Jones (who seems to play himself also in more upcoming films, he was better in Guy Ritchie films) and Nick Brimble (he is a good actor, but I don't understand how he get here?). We also have Gary Daniels. Daniels is so cool, but I expected a cool fight scene with him and Seagal, but... you know Seagal... he is untouchable. Seagal plays Chris Cody, a member of US military who reunites with his old team to take down a mad scientist. Well whoopie-fuc*inkg-do! That team doesn't look like a team at all, there's no connection between them at all, and Seagal in his performance looks like he doesn't give a flying f**k about them. So, here's another Seagal film that takes away your insomnia.

This was an awful disappointment for this director. Hickox has made some really good B Movie fantasy flix. This was a disappointment for many British television regulars who well deserved the chance to appear in a film and got under served by terrible lighting, editing and scripting. This was a disappointment for Vinnie Jones - brilliant if the director and scriptwriter understands his place in UK iconography and uses him as such (check out Lock, Stock... and Mean Machine) - but he needs to be used right. This was not, however, a disappointment for Seagal. He has always been poor beyond belief and he just gets worse and worse as his self-indulgent self-belief gets bigger and more arrogant. He doesn't act at all and he's out of shape. How can he have the shame to accept a paycheck for top billing and then not even perform to his own extremely limited standards???

In 'Submerged', Seagal stars as some geezer called Cody who is like a hard bloke that the government go to when they need help. I worked out why they didn't get Jack Bauer straight away - the film was made at the time in between seasons when they thought he was dead! So anyway, Fat Cody then gets his whole team back to help him do this thing. Oh yeah, the thing is blow up some dam that some bad guy is hiding in. Oh yeah, the bad guy is none other than Little John from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. So anyway, Fatty and his crew of hard nuts made up of assorted crap actors such as Vinnie Jones and the old guy who batters someone to death with a dildo in Lock Stock, then go about getting to this dam. So they leave their aircraft carrier but before they get there, they double-cross someone who was apparently double-crossing them and steal his helicopter (I dunno I must have blinked cos I completely missed how Seagal worked that one out!). So then they take the helicopter to some bird who is like one of Seagal's old secret agent women (he probably banged her!) and she turns out to be none other than the woman who is in those Daz adverts! You know the 'whiter than white' woman. She just started working on Coronation Street. At her rate of ascension, she'll be receiving an Oscar in no time! Advert -> Seagal Movie -> Coronation Street -> Oscar! No prob'! So then they get to the dam but Little John has disappeared. So they fight some army and blow the dam up. In one bit Seagal selflessly runs at a tank with nothing but a hand grenade and destroys it. But not before a pithy remark "Here catch!" Amazing! So instead of escaping in the helicopter they arrived in they decide to steal none other than a submarine! I don't know. Of all the stupid get away vehicles he may as well have just swam back to the aircraft carrier and pretended he was a whale! Anyway, I thought I'd let that one go but it turns out that some people on the submarine are being mind controlled by Little John and decide to sink the sub. They kill most of the team leaving only Fatty, Vinnie Jones, some black girl and The Daz Woman alive. The four of them then escape in a life raft before the sub gets blown up.Can you believe all this only happened in one hour? I still haven't finished watching it but I think I'll have to find out how it concludes in a little while. I can't take too much Seagal at once!(PS) I forgot to mention that Seagal has almost been completely dubbed throughout the whole film by some bloke that doesn't sound anything like him. I have no idea why but it is so obvious! When it IS Seagal's own voice he tries to be black. He actually says to Vinnie Jones in the dam... "Damn, there some sick sh*t up in here, Alligator!" Then a second later he adds "Be sure to get yo' white ass 'outta here!"This film has to be seen to be believed! But don't watch it all in one viewing or you may go totally head-mental!