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Truly Dreadful Film

Such a frustrating disappointment

Sorry, this movie sucks

Don't listen to the negative reviews

With Hard Ticket to Hawaii, writer/director Andy Sidaris truly laid down the template he would forever follow. It wasn't his first movie, that was Malibu Express (1985), but that one unusually had a detective narrative and male lead. Of course, it also had lots of pleasingly excessive nudity involving a selection of busty beauties. Sidaris retained that latter element but refocused the plot where the protagonists were hot female action heroines. And so with Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Sidaris created his babes, bullets and explosions sub-genre. The story has two very hot women operate an airplane cargo delivery service in Hawaii. A large, toxic snake they are delivering escapes and they get mixed up in a scheme involving criminals and a cache of diamonds. Much entertainment follows.I've seen all the Sidaris movies and I can say with some certainty that the aforementioned first two films in his filmography are his very best. And Hard Ticket to Hawaii is definitely his ultimate classic. It has all the elements of all his other films but it has more. Like the others, it's an action flick with the great idea of predominantly featuring 80's Playmates and it also has a commendable focus on beautiful breasts, with lots of somewhat basic acting and ropey dialogue to top things off. It even features some stalwarts of future Sidaris movies such as the gorgeous trio of Dona Speir, Hope Marie Carlton and Cynthia Brimhall, plus the acting colossus that is Rodrigo Obregon. And yet, it's the extra details that we have on top of this that elevate this one into classic status.For a start, there are just more interesting things going on. Where most Sidaris movies have pretty forgettable plot-lines, this one sticks in the mind. We have a fairly routine bad guys versus good guys set-up but running alongside this there is the plot strand about the monstrous snake made toxic by infection by cancerous rats. Its pure psychotronic nonsense of the first order of course but quite brilliantly entertaining nonsense. We also have a transvestite hit-man, a skateboarding assassin with inflatable doll, a female bodybuilder interrogator, a razor-tipped Frisbee and a finale so hilariously over-the-top, it's frankly genius. The latter involves, amongst other things, a ludicrously over-extended death scene, a snake bursting out of a toilet, a bazooka and a motorbike crashing through a wall. If you can't enjoy this I feel sorry for you. And plus points have to automatically be given to any film where two beautiful women declare that they 'do their best thinking in the hot tub'. I like too how, despite celebrating their bodies, in Sidaris movies the women are always portrayed as resourceful and kick-ass and never dumb.This is the one truly must-see Sidaris film. It feels like he threw everything at it and just added every idea he came up with regardless of how insane it was. He never really topped it ever again but then no one else has ever made a film of this particular type any better either. One of the all-time great 80's b-movies.

Hard Ticket To Hawaii has two bimbo travel to Hawaii to fight off drug-lords who are distributing the bad powders on paradise and this shall not stand when our bimbos and meat-heads, Er I mean the DEA are in town looking for a little take out. Hard Ticket To Hawaii brings up a few questions that I was constantly thinking about throughout. Mainly when did the DEA stop using mandatory IQ tests? Why is it that every DEA agent carries at least a double D breast size and why must every woman look like a model? The answer is of course that this is a Andy Sidaris movie and in this type of movie, heroes don't need much intellect to save the world, after all the villains are just as dense. Hard Ticket To Hawaii is surprisingly competent as these things go, I mean it isn't at all any good but it does deliver what it promises. In fact fans of the genre maybe amused by this effort, even if it is for all the wrong reasons. Also the movie interestingly predates the whole Snake On Plane routine as indeed this is the first movie to ever a have a wild snake on a plane.* * out of 4-(Fair)

Andy Sidaris is truly the most prolific film maker of all time although I felt that the Shades character was under-utilized.Sidaris should have returned to Shade's back story about how his childhood love for Frisbee would ultimately be his downfall. Nevertheless, he died doing what he loved and for that I weep.I also enjoyed Ridge's portrayal of a marksman who couldn't quite hit his mark.My favourite point of the movie was the showdown between the skateboarding assassin and our fearless heroes. This conflict juxtaposes our societies strife between the rich and poor and the ultimate class struggle.Overall, Ten Thumbs Up!

The members of the academy have selected this film into our Hall of Fame mainly on the physical attributes of Dona Speir and Hope Marie Carlton. These two lovely ladies make a (have a) wonderful pair and their camaraderie give this film a uplifting spirit seldom seen (think Newman & Redford). Throw in the changing clothes scene of Cynthia Brimhall and the topless walk-thru by Patty Duffek and the mix is complete. This is the first entry of the Sidaris spy-action movies with this ensemble. It is also the best work by Speir and Carlton in terms of acting without the threat of costumes stealing the scene. So grab a brew and watch this piece from start to the closing credits where the nude scenes are reshown (a wonderful final tribute thanks to the genius of Andy Sidaris).