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Fantastic!

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

It's funny, it's tense, it features two great performances from two actors and the director expertly creates a web of odd tension where you actually don't know what is happening for the majority of the run time.

It's simply great fun, a winsome film and an occasionally over-the-top luxury fantasy that never flags.

I tried. Oh Lordy I tried for 2 hours, but figuring the last 50 minutes would be better spent staring at my cat, I gave up.I usually have good things to say about even the worst movies. "Mars Needs Women"? Acting was actually pretty good. "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus"? The plane scene made my day.But ""The Poseidon Adventure"" (I put in double quotes so not to associate it with any other works of a similar name) was so bad it was good... but then it rolled over into bad again. Beginning with a comic bookish raid on a terror cell (note how they blow the flimsy aluminum garage door open and it leaves a perfectly circular hole whilst leaving the rest of the door standing completely intact lol), the filmmakers immediately establish an irrelevant sideplot about the Department of Homeland Security and a bunch of other miscellaneous Tough American Guy outfits chasing terrorists.This wouldn't have been so annoying if they hadn't wasted so much time on gratuitous military base scenes and random 1-scene actors running around like the beginning of the tv show Hogan's Heroes. I'm not exaggerating; almost half the movie isn't on the ship, it's about SEAL teams gearing up, military types barking orders, cheesy graphics of GPS satellites circling overhead (real suspenseful there) and soldiers playing poker.You get the feeling early on that this movie, made in 2005, was just capitalizing on the post 9/11 go-team-USA vibe. It crosses over into propaganda territory with several lines about how Homeland Security doesn't have the funding it needs, as well as a laughable plug for racial profiling (A murder is committed on the ship, and within 5 minutes the Homeland Security guy narrows it down to the 3 culprits by looking at the ship's manifest and checking for people who are from "terrorist-harboring countries". I AM NOT KIDDING! Was Trump watching this trash when he cooked up his many travel ban(s)?Oh wait, there's something about a boat. And passengers trying to escape. But the story is actually more focused on a husband having an affair with the ship's masseuse while his 2 kids run around the ship and discover dead bodies and stuff. And then there's a random French chick who decides to rip off her dress, like completely, so they can use the fabric to cover their mouths as they run through a fire. Who comes UP with this stuff???Oh I gotta go, my cat just blinked. Victory is mine!

This turned up on one of the more obscure film channels and instantly thought I was going to be watching the 2006 remake of THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE only to find out relatively late that this is a Hallmark production no doubt produced to tie in with the big budget remake , a sort of cynical marketing ploy used by The Asylum company and their infamous " mockbusters " . I'll say one thing about Hallmark and that is no one is capable of making a film as bad as the ones at The Asylum . However we are talking about a very well regarded disaster movie from the 1970s and that alone may come close to cinematic blasphemy . After seeing the whole TVM I'm afraid Hallmark have done their level best to make a shipwreck of a movie Being effectively a three hour miniseries the producers have split the story in to two halves , one setting up the characters and backstory and the second half featuring the disaster of a capsized ship . Watching the first half you're not reminded of THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE but that most dreadful and twee of American comedies THE LOVE BOAT . Most of the characters are looking for either romance or success where as the relatively big name actors playing them should have started looking for a new agent circa 1990 . The actresses seem to be slightly more fortunate since they've seemingly found a plastic surgeon , but the trouble is he wasn't a very good one who seems to have a fetish for botox . Honestly I'm not trying to get a cheap laugh but more than a few women seen here look like they're emulating waxworks and I'm not just referring to to the wooden acting Being a TVM means that it's family friendly fare . This means for the sake of audience identification we've got a little irritating kid as a relatively major figure . He also spends much of he first half of the story hanging around with one of the crew filming home made vampire movies in dark remote spots of the ship without any hint of an adult having an unhealthy interest in children . This jars greatly with one of the main aspect of the story where the cause of the ship capsizing is by an act of cold blooded terrorism. When the bombs explode and the terrorists start murdering the ship's crew it's almost like watching another film . That said after watching something that resembles THE LOVE BOAT I started thinking perhaps the terrorists were the good guys

How can I begin? It should have been called The Love Boat VII. There is nothing even interesting about this movie. Would anyone involved win this movie use it on their CV? It was one of four movies on a $5 DVD in the delete bin at Walmart. This movie cost $1.25 and at that was overpriced. I noticed that the Australian version of this thing was considerably shorter than the general release version and had we not fast forwarded through every piece of "significant" dialogue I would have kicked myself for not searching out the Aussie release.I am somewhat grateful however knowing that should I decide to finish my story about the workday of a toll-booth collector, there are producers out there waiting. Rutger Hauer and Steve Gutenberg are already cast.A chimpanzee could write a better screenplay by sticking a crayon where the sun don't shine and squatting over a copy of the National Enquirer.

"Let's give a big Poseidon welcome," ...to this feeble turd.My mouth was hanging open. This is like a crappy movie-making master-class. OK for starters, the project is immediately being yanked in two directions - It's a grandiose, money-devouring adventure, but they'd prefer not to spend more than $12.99 on any sequence. It's supposed to be an exciting, dynamic movie but the creators heads are stuck in static, made-for-TV mode. Every second of this smells like cost-cutting. They even split the original one-two punch of the ship rolling, followed quickly by the ballroom flooding into two moments hours apart not because the narrative is improved, but to pad things.In terms of style, it doesn't have a casual or natural idea in it's three hour running time. Whatever is happening on screen is overtly introduced, and hierarchically approved by a team that is most pleased with themselves when the resulting footage is inert and generic. i.e. If you're tired of limp duct-escape sequences, somehow this move found a way to make them staler AND duller. You know something is wrong from the get-go because you're looking at some of the ugliest Bo-Rics hairstyles you've ever seen. It's like the make-up team under financial pressure gave up the fight and just told everyone to do their own hair. And there's a team of haggard looking actors who haven't had work in ten years. (Gutenberg, Hauer, C. Thomas Howell). My apologies to Adam Baldwin who is better than this. Peter Weller is looking more like Richard Widmark than anyone expected. Gutenberg is morphing into 70s actor David Groh. 40 minutes into it, it still hasn't started. An hour is gone and wasted before the show even gets rolling. Newsflash - No one tuned in for the characters or the plot. They've got the wrong look for the visuals. The initial night-shot of the ship looks like it was designed for a cruise commercial not a movie about a ship. We don't need a nineteenth flyover shot of the overturned hull. (Half the CGI budget must've been spent on these) We could sure use some thrills though. At one point there's even a ridiculous 5 second cutaway to a crappy CGI satellite (a box with lights flashing), because someone sends a fricking e-mail. I mean, really...This made-for-TV movie has a box that says WIDESCREEN edition on it (um. OK.) which it's not. This is a head-scratching lie which can only be attributed to deliberately tricking viewers into renting this, thinking they're getting the big screen remake.Thrill-proof. I've never been happier to have a F-Fwd button.