Watch Train Ride to Hollywood For Free

If you don't like this, we can't be friends.

It's the kind of movie you'll want to see a second time with someone who hasn't seen it yet, to remember what it was like to watch it for the first time.

It’s not bad or unwatchable but despite the amplitude of the spectacle, the end result is underwhelming.

It is an exhilarating, distressing, funny and profound film, with one of the more memorable film scores in years,

For a blaxsploitation flick, this movie's sure got a lot of white people in it. I'd never heard of the R&B group "Bloodstone" before but apparently they were popular when they made this low-budget musical homage to Hollywood back in 1975. A "Blackstone" band member gets knocked out backstage at one of their concerts and dreams the group are porters on an Art Deco train bound for Hollywood with Bogie, W.C. Fields, Jean Harlow, Jeanette Macdonald & Nelson Eddy, Dracula, The Godfather & The Wild One, Rhett Butler & Scarlett O'Hara, Peter Lorre, and a sheik & his harem along for the ride. There's quick sketch romance, dance, and murder that the band interrupts often to flex their pipes singing pop tunes like "Toot-Toot-Tootsie Good-Bye", a du-wop ditty or two and, of course, original compositions ("...There's nothing as scintillating, nothing so captivating as a train ride..."). Unless there's some subliminal substance to this silliness, the stars' servant-like roles may be accidentally un-PC today but it's all in innocent, corny fun geared toward a kiddie mentality. The Godfather suffocating his victims with his armpit, all the stars getting stoned on the sheik's hookah pipe, and an obese boxing match with a gorilla are just some of the slap-happy shenanigans going on in a concussion-induced Hollywood hallucination not unlike Dorothy's in THE WIZARD OF OZ. The celebrity impersonators are pretty good and an authentic Art Deco L.A. train station was used for one song & dance number but the only actor I recognized was Phyllis Davis (who I think I remember from TV) as Charlotte O'Hara. Die-hard movie buffs may find this harmless nonsense mildly amusing but, even then, I'd recommend it only as a second feature for THE MAN WITH BOGART'S FACE (1980).

WARNING! This movie could HURT. Imagine a film musical FAR WORSE than "At Long Last Love", "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" or "Lost Horizon" then multiply it by TEN, then you almost can conceptualize how heinous this thing is. A very, VERY small amount of the music and dance is vaguely enjoyable. The song in the railway station which ends up in laughable faux Busby Berkley-style kaleidescope formations is about the only thing that can be sat through without throwing an anvil at the TV set. Most of the rest is so painful it should be run on a continuous loop in high school detention halls. The "lookalikes" in this turkey are so way off that you have to strain to imagine who most of them are! Gable's voice is okay and WC Fields is so-so. The Bogart guy isn't too horrible, but ALL of the rest are incredibly lame. (The one playing Brando in "The Wild One" deserves some minor credit.) And anyway......the whole thing is so senseless and impossibly stupid that it doesn't even matter! Here's the kicker... The DVD comes with a little mini card of the original release poster. It boldly features the REAL faces of all the stars that the lame imposters are trying to impersonate! Imagine people's horror when they thought they might see something resembling these celebrities, but instead found Dan Tanna's casino hostess from "Vegas" flopping around with the most inappropriate Scarlett O'Hara accent imaginable and two perfectly ordinary-looking people acting like they're Nelson Eddy and Jeannette McDonald. The man playing Clark Gable is a particular insult when confronted with Gable's real face (as briefly shown in this turkey). The impersonator looks like Gable if Gable were an overweight used car salesman from Peoria. A MESS!!!!

I'd be surprised if anyone ever reads this review. Judging by the 13 whole votes "Train Ride To Hollywood" had before mine, no one knows of this film or has ever seen it.Ignorance, my friends, is bliss.I stumbled across this...this...unholy THING on television one dark day, and it was so stunningly wretched I could not take my eyes off it for fear that I'd miss the literal lowpoint in the history of cinema. From the horrific, unfathomable beginning to the excruciating, vomit-inducing end, this waste of celluloid redefines -- nay, deconstructs -- the term "bad movie." "Bad" doesn't even begin to describe it. Take every synonym for "bad" you can find, invent a few of your own, and you haven't even begun to scratch the surface of how truly putrid "Train Ride To Hollywood" is.First, there is zero story. Musicals don't always have the best plots, but COME ON!! This dung heap is so devoid of sense it makes the average porno look like a Merchant-Ivory production. Next, the acting. The homeless guy at my Seven-11 who drunkenly tap-dances for spare change has more talent in his pinkie than every "actor" in this schlockfest combined. The cast consists of people doing impressions of Hollywood greats so relentlessly awful you'd swear they're half-assing it out of spite. Not even half-assing. Maybe quarter-assing, or even eighth-assing. No one in this entire sorry spectacle even remotely sounds like who they're imitating, and if any of these people ever worked again, I'd be shocked and angry. Then there's the musical numbers. Apparently, the four African American gents in this fetid film belonged to the group Bloodstone. I can't possibly imagine who these guys p***ed off or what kind of financial/drug problems could compel them to take this gig, but every one of them should be ashamed, and they owe their entire race an apology. Folks, I'm not one of those people who finds racism everywhere or focuses on how bad things are for minorities in entertainment, but I simply could not believe how appallingly racist this movie is. Not only do the ONLY black guys in the movie do all the skip-and-shuffle musical bits, they are degraded beyond all belief.At one mind-numbing point in this abysmal flick, one of the black guys actually FIGHTS A GORILLA IN A BOXING RING!!! And to give him strength during the fight, THE OTHER THREE BLACK GUYS FEED HIM GRITS!!! Jar-Jar Binks would cringe at this. I mean, I half expected the Cream of Wheat guy to come dancing out juggling basketballs and watermelons. It is that bad. (By the way, I saw this film on the Black Starz channel. What on Earth were they thinking?) In summary, "Train Ride To Hollywood" is filmmaking at its absolute, rock-bottom worst. Satan could show this as an orientation video in Hell. I am a worse human being for having seen it. And despite everything I've said about it, I give it a 3/10. That's 0 for the film itself and 3 for whoever had the brass ones to foist this steaming pile of poo on the public. God help us all.

Members of the 70's pop/soul group Bloodstone ("Natural High") enter a dream sequence in which they disguise themselves as porters to get to Hollywood for an audition. Also on the train are cheap impersonators of Bogie, W.C. Fields, Rhett and Scarlet, Jeanette and Nelson, Bela Lugosi, plus a sheik and his harem. Some fine musical numbers liven up a rather hackneyed self-referential movie. Still an interesting trip for cinema fans, and more economical than the later star-laden failure "Won Ton Ton, the Dog Who Saved Hollywood."