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The Worst Film Ever

Powerful

It's funny, it's tense, it features two great performances from two actors and the director expertly creates a web of odd tension where you actually don't know what is happening for the majority of the run time.

Zonad (2009) Why, John Carney, why? It is very difficult to believe that the man who had already brought us the subtle winner "Once" and will later give us the musical delights "Begin Again" & "Sing Street" also directed this. Yes. In the beginning, there was "Zonad". (It actually began as the never released 2003 short.) It could have been endearing. It could have actually been a science fiction film. It could have been a romantic comedy that actually worked. Instead, it was an unsophisticated travesty comedy in which two alcoholics, Liam and Francis, escape a treatment center and fool an entire Irish town into believing they are Zonad and Bonad, visitors from another planet This is based almost entirely on the use of some bright vinyl material and a helmet. At first, I thought Zonad's staccato speech pattern was his lame attempt at trying to sound foreign. Then, when I saw all the other poor acting performances, some of which had weird speech patterns as well, I began to think it was merely poor acting. Then, towards the end when he started to talk more regularly when he was not incognito, I switched back to my original understanding. At the conclusion of the film, I was more confused than ever because he seemed to do it to varying degrees whether or not he was posing as an intergalactic traveler. The Good: * Indicatively, the best and most memorable minutes of this film were the two musical numbers performed by Zonad. The first, a solo he sings (accompanied by piano keyboard) in front of the girls in Ballymoran, "Mysterious Girl". The second, the closing scene in the town bar, "I'm Sorry". * There were some funny moment and one-liners, though they were few and far between. The Bad: * Not believable in the least. * Very few actually humorous moments. Compared to the rest of the film that was inundated with failed attempts at such, one would be logically led to believe that the moments that worked could be attributed to pure chance. The Ugly: *The acting. All around. Nothing else to be said. Excruciatingly bad. *Sans a few rare scenes, not really fun to watch; but, even worse, not even an anecdotal lesson to compensate. The main character collects free alcohol, food, and rent, taking advantage of not only the Cassidys but the entire town. His escaped alcoholic center companion preys on all the women in the city. Then they are found out and forced to leave. The end. You can see his Carney's quirky personality in "Zonad", but executed tragically. The director and writers' genius lies in the beautiful marriage between film, music, and romantic stories. This marriage was a blind mess. Gratefully, I watched Carney's other films first. Otherwise I doubt I ever would have been granted the opportunity to fall in love with his oeuvre.

My sweet jayzuz! In only 75 minutes this pea-brain adolescent wreck seeks to cut the legs out from under the long-deserved Irish rep as a country of endearing, witty and artful storytellers.One of the worst movies I have ever seen (and I am an ancient, so I have seen plenty). After watching the entire film because my beloved wife wouldn't give up on it, I could only think: boring, sophomoric, witless, crude, poorly acted, jam packed with the requisite "dirty words" and pissing sequences... Great gawd almighty, wot has become of motion picture culture??? Have ye no shame, ye "Irish" poseurs? But then I read something here or on Netflix indicating that this production should be seen as a parody of American teenage gross-out movies. Oh, OK, now I get it: a witless parody of a witless genre! Right. Seen like this, I guess it is a masterpiece.Do yourself a favor, forget this empty glass. Go make a friend at the pub around the corner and raise a glass and sing a dirge to the Irish wit of yore.

When I read the jacket for this I thought they must be kidding.It's pretty much as low brow as it gets, it's certainly not going to win any awards, nor become a hidden gem or even some kind of underground cult classic.In fact there are many aspects of it, which on face value are just plane bad.But hold on a minute, why is it then, that when I think back on it, it makes me smile? Why is the friendly visitor track stuck in my head? I'm not sure I know.But, if you find yourself in the supermarket looking through the under a fiver DVD bin and you come across this film, and then one bored afternoon you find you have 74 minutes spare (it's mercifully short), give it a watch.It's not great, but there is something about it that's quintessentially Irish in the best possible way.

This film has received mixed reviews in the press. Either you "get it", it seems, or you don't. I was definitely amused. The film creates a milieu all of its own; a cross between 1950's California and "traditional" Ireland. Some have criticised the setting as being too incredible, in which case they are taking it all too seriously. There are some things that might have been done better. I don't think the production values were great. I didn't like the picture quality, the lighting wasn't great (night scenes in particular were very murky, daytime interior scenes were spoiled by the windows being completely washed out). Perhaps a lot of this is down to the fact that the Carney Brothers change things a lot on the hoof, making it difficult for every one else to keep up. Too bad. Maybe they just need more experience.Film does miss a few tricks. There was plenty of room to explore how the main protagonists came by their original costumes. Just a few comic touches would have made a difference. They could have be shown literally digging their way out of the rehab institute(a parody of Shawshank Redemption comes to mind). Just simply overlaying the sound of distant baying hounds over their escape through the forest would have been funny. Other things. It could have been funnier, with a little more work, or perhaps more people to work on the script. The boxing match could have been funnier too; there's a whole genre of boxing movies just begging to be parodied, but not here.Good performances all round. Pearse was very good, and in fact I wonder what it would have been like if he had the lead part. He's a funny guy, and savvy with it. That's not to take anything away from Delaney.Unfortunately (I sigh) as is so often the case with Irish movies, film is let down by unnecessary crudity. There was no need for the faux-choc use of the F word to describe what Zonad was doing to the women of Ballymoran (they should have gone all the way, by the way, and called it Ballymorawn); it would have been much funnier for the characters to say he was riding them. Also, I didn't think that the cop p*ssing all over some of the main characters was all that funny (believe me, it looks funnier here in print than it is on the screen. It would have been much funnier if they at least made the victims completely sopping, drenched/soaked through). The scene where a major character invites his girlfriend to gargle with his balls (among other intimate invitations) wasn't funny at all. These shenanigans serve only to reduce the audience for the film. The Oirish penchant for having somebody p*ssing or sh*tting at some point is fully indulged, of course.Film may be especially interesting to some sections of the American audience interested in Ireland and the Irish. There is a saying; "many a true word is said in jest". Zonad is a big joke (in the best sense) but the insights it gives are all the more true for it, bigger and more colorful than they might otherwise be.