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Simply A Masterpiece

Memorable, crazy movie

I like movies that are aware of what they are selling... without [any] greater aspirations than to make people laugh and that's it.

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

I was surprised how good "Ghost Voyage" (2008) is. The plot concerns a group of nine people, mostly strangers, who suddenly awaken on a mysterious ship in the middle of the ocean. An enigmatic Asian steward appears and instructs them to follow the rules. Some do, and some don't, to their own peril.Although quite a bit of the CGI is questionable and the plot is predictable from the get-go (think "Carnival of Souls" or "Purgatory"), the emphasis on character wins the day.At about 90 minutes the film moves right along, maintaining your attention, with a nice increase of suspense toward the end.Shot in Bulgaria, the film features a nice smörgåsbord of worthy European females, starting with the girl-next-door brunette protagonist, played by Deanna Russo, followed by the blond ghost seductress, played by Jasmina Toshkova.The possibility of redemption for those who have ears to hear is hinted at early on and, believe it or not, the culmination of this aspect brought tears to my eyes. Excellent! GRADE: B+

Another boringly humdrum straight-to-TV horror enterprise that sinks real fast in its uninteresting, rancid story. Three times it took me to eventually get through it. I simply had trouble staying awake. From the get-go everything about it is shallow (superficial characters and abysmal dialogues) with every cliché from the handbook being unashamedly used in a sleep-inducing manner. The material is lame, as there's little in the way of mystery (not much really going on) and the twist is predictably weak. It's like a rejected idea of a 'Twilight Zone' episode. The further along the mechanical story goes and eventually unfolds (remember to follow the rules and there's always a chance to re-correct your past mistakes in some other form… blah, blah) reveals how unintentionally humorous, inconsistent and mind-numbing it is. Talk about an aggravatingly languid boat trip experience. Special effects are dodgy with many clunky moments, but nothing extremely terrible and quite the usual low-budget standard you see in these presentations. So the shocks, well the supposed attempts were completely off and incredibly dull. So were the death scenes. Direction is drab, while the pacing drags and the setting never convinces. Performances are bottom of the barrel. Quite bland, forgettable and disposable. Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa appears in a nothing role. Antonio Sabato Jr. makes for a lacking lead performance, so does his opposite the lovely, but empty Deanna Russo. In all, just crumby.

Ghost Voyage falls into the long, VERY long line of movies that take a ship/boat and add some sort of ghost/alien/hungry entity.The formula is: ship, usually lost and crew (aka "victims") meet with unspeakable horror (and lousy CGI) and barely get out with the few lives they have left, usually taking far too long to do it (can this movie really have another hour to go?!?!?!).Some of the most recent flotsam in this category includes: Below, Ghost Ship, Deep Rising, Virus, Lost Voyage. My first memory of this genre goes all the way back to Hammer's 1968 abomination, The Lost Continent (aka Uncharted Seas), which, if you enjoy bad movies and/or losing your lunch, is highly recommended.Ghost Voyage (GV) is also an entry in the even LONGER line of Sci-Fi Channel movies that are rock-solid lousy. There is a twist in GV, however, in that there is actually a moral story -- even a Biblical undercurrent here: we're all sinners and deserve hell. Of course, this theme only appears in about the last 10 minutes and is as poorly developed as the characters-cum-cadavers that populate GV.The CGI is not good. Most CGI ships are even less believable than most miniatures used in the past since there's not even the semblance of reality to them which a miniature innately has.The "scary" demons aren't. Not only are they un-scary, but they are presented with the dropped-frame, strobe, effect that stopped being interesting about 412 movies ago. And if they weren't scary the first time we see them, they're not going to become any more chilling after the umpteenth visit.The acting (and accents) and dialog? I hate to be mean, but they aren't professional. The direction of same isn't any better (a good director can stage around clunky words and stars).Look, Sci-Fi channel. You have some good people working on your TV shows. Use them on these movies, too. Or PLEASE stop showing them. I'd rather have the guilty displeasure of watching The Lost Continent again then watching another GV.

Does the movie float? Actually, yes it does. It's not that bad for a Saturday SciFi movie. It sticks to a very formulaic script. Very predictable, but at least it starts out with a solid story.A bunch of people wake up on board a strange, creepy ship. A man calling himself the Steward gives them some rules and disappears. And they all have to figure out what's going on.Lots of ghost stuff, cheap scares. CGI looking FX.But, all in all, it's really not that bad. The ending was a little too neat for my tastes.It's less gory than Ghost Ship, but if you liked that movie, you'll probably like this one.I gave it a seven rating. Kind of high for me. It's better than most of the junk SciFi usually cranks out.