Watch Vampire Hookers For Free

Wonderful Movie

Sorry, this movie sucks

Good story, Not enough for a whole film

if their story seems completely bonkers, almost like a feverish work of fiction, you ain't heard nothing yet.

Take one word from group A (Ninja, Robo, Samurai, Vigilante, Zombie, Vampire, Alien, Cyborg, Barbarian) and one from group B (Cop, Princess, Assassins, Hookers, Warriors, Strikeforce, Muthaf***kers) and you'll have yourself a movie title that sounds awesome. Get Ciro H. Santiago to direct it, and it'll be crap.Vampire Hookers, for example, has the potential to be a hugely entertaining piece of bloody, sexy schlock horror; in the hands of Santiago, though, the idea becomes a dreadfully unfunny camp comedy/horror full of juvenile humour (bumbling 'Abbot & Costello' type sailors; a flatulent vampire; lady-boy gags), embarrassing performances (poor old John Carradine as a poetry spouting vamp), and cheap props (styrofoam 'stone' blocks), but zero gore.About the only thing Cirio does right is to cast three absolute stunners as his titular ladies of the night and get them naked a lot—although, somehow, he even manages to botch a scene in which the lusty bloodsucking babes tag-team a lucky sailor: torturously long and amazingly unerotic, it's hard to believe that anyone can make a three-on-one sex session seem so boring!

"Vampire Hookers" (1978) has been issued under a dizzying array of alternate titles, but apparently this was its only theatrical monicker. For his lone feature shot in the Philippines, 72-year-old John Carradine looks splendid in an immaculate white suit and sombrero, playing a vampire with the startlingly original name of Richmond Reed (his own birth name). Whether quoting Shakespeare, which he enjoyed doing all his life, or wondering if Walt Whitman was a vampire, Carradine never fails to pump some much needed life (pun intended) into the often tired proceedings. Of the three young beauties who bring their victims to Reed's hidden underground lair, former Playboy Playmate Lenka Novak is the only recognizable face, having done similar work as 'Linda Chambers' in 1977's "The Kentucky Fried Movie." The IMDb biography for Lenka Novak is skimpy on details, but it was apparently written by a dedicated fan, who did a good job encapsulating her numerous credits. Karen Stride went on to do only two more features, while Katie Dolan never made another film. Although not blessed with great acting skills, they are lovely to look at, despite only appearing topless, while the slow-motion sex is botched by director Cirio H.Santiago, who indulges far too much footage to the unfunny flatulence of Vic Diaz, whose servant character yearns to one day become a vampire himself (a pity he gets his wish). Carradine would go on to play Dracula one final time, in another 1978 comedy "Nocturna," a vanity film for star and producer Nai Bonet, admittedly a beautiful dancer who gyrates nicely for the camera. Only three more titles offered the veteran character actor top billing- "The Best of Sex and Violence," "The Scarecrow" (both 1981),and "Demented Death Farm Massacre...The Movie" (1986), from director Fred Olen Ray.

Amiable horny sailors Tom Buckley (likable Bruce Fairbairn) and Terry Wayne (the equally engaging Trey Wilson of "Raising Arizona" fame) are looking for some female action while on shore leave in the Philippines. The duo run afoul of droll vampire count Richmond Reed (the ubiquitous John Carradine hamming it up with his usual eye-rolling aplomb) and his three gorgeous sex-starved bloodsucking nymphets Cherish (luscious brunette Karen Stride), Suzy (comely blonde Lenka Novak), and Marcy (deliciously voluptuous knockout Katie Dolan). Veteran exploitation feature director Cirio H. Santiago and screenwriter Howard R. Cohen offer a constant barrage of amusingly dumb jokes about such topics as eating duck, transvestites, the inevitable barroom brawl, and Bloody Mary drinks (groan!). This flick reaches its gloriously ghastly peak during a marvelously protracted ten minute orgy sequence set to crudely thumping and monotonous disco music that seems to go on forever. The cast have a field day with their broad parts: Fairbairn and Wilson make for affable leads, Carradine recites poetic dialogue with infectiously hearty gusto, and legendary Filipino B-movie favorite Vic Diaz is a gas (literally!) as Pavo, a bumbling idiotic servant who desperately wants to be a vampire and suffers from severe flatulence (he even backfires in his coffin!). Better still, Stride, Novak and Dolan are all smoking hot babes who aren't the least bit bashful about baring their beautiful bodies. Both the competent cinematography by Johnny Araojo and Ricardo Remias and Jamie Mendoza-Nava's generic ooga booga score are suitably cheesy. The goofy ending credits theme song is absolutely priceless. Sure, this picture is total schlock, but it's way too good-natured in its campy stupidity to either resist or dislike. A hilariously dippy hoot and a half.

Two female vampires pretend to be prostitutes at the urging of their male counterpart. You probably can guess the rest of the plot. The movie is pointless and crude.