Watch The Slaughterhouse Massacre For Free

Thanks for the memories!

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Absolutely Brilliant!

One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

The director of Blood Predator provides another movie with little of anything people would watch it to see, although whats lacking in any motivation for viewers to watch, happens to get compromised for by the director playing the killer, reciting some of the worst one-liners ever written, for example:"I see you", "She'll call you back"Hilarious, right? Obviously not.This time around, Gagne replaces the obvious continuity errors from Blood Predator with slightly subtle continuity mistakes; for example if you're paying attention to the light shining through the boiler, you should realise the, um... actors there aren't actually present in the shots of the killer staring into the shadows. We're supposed to believe they are hiding yet... actually never mind. But it somehow gets "better"; one scene in the middle of the night clearly was shot in the daytime. Might not be so obvious if the daytime-as-daytime scenes were not ridiculously dimly lit.

The people who made The Slaughterhouse Massacre should be embarrassed. The folks who distributed it should be ashamed. It has a decent amount of female nudity in the first 15 minutes, but there is not another damn thing in the entire production that could be of value or interest to anyone. There are movies that are bad and some that are so bad they're good. Then there are films like this which are so bad they outlast and exhaust any capacity for irony, mockery or amusement. It just freakin' stinks.As you might guess, this story is about a group of teenagers who get massacred in a slaughterhouse. That's all I'm going to say about the plot because in writing that single sentence, I've already wasted more intelligence reviewing this movie than writer/director Paul Gagné used to make it. If an infinite number of monkeys banging away on an infinite number of typewriters will eventually produce the works of William Shakespeare, one monkey and one typewriter could come up with the script for The Slaughterhouse Massacre…but only if that monkey had brain damage from a case of Mad Cow Disease. Then six weeks after that monkey died, you could toss its rotting corpse onto the set and it would have done a better directing job than Gagné. Every single element of this film, except the aforementioned female nudity, is utterly putrid.Here's what Gagné's cinematic bowel movement has to offer.1. The awesome terror generated by hand-held video footage of the backs of people's heads.2. Editing like the outbursts of someone with Tourettes' Syndrome.3. Action scenes staged like something out of that lame haunted house the Rotary Club puts on every Halloween.4. An appearance of The Cone of Silence from the old "Get Smart" TV show.5. CGI that looks like it was created with a Commodore 64.6. Characters who use flashlights even though the lights are on.7. Not one, not two, not three, but an unbelievable 4 origins for the killer.8. The most ridiculous anti-marijuana message since Reefer Madness.9. This crap is set in Texas but the only character with a noticeable accent sounds like he's from Georgia.10. A scene where it literally takes the characters 3 minutes to walk across a 20 foot wide room. I'm not kidding. Nothing happens in the scene, it just takes them 3 minutes to walk across a room.Look, if you want to see some naked chicks, there are plenty of other places where that can be found. If you want to watch a sucky, low-budget slasher flick, there are hundreds of them out there and almost all of them are Citizen Kane compared to The Slaughterhouse Massacre. If you watch this movie, you're a fool. If you like it, you're a moron.

This film is RUBBISH! None of these actors have Bacon numbers. I have been looking into the phenomenon of the 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon' and after many days of research I have managed to locate a small number of the 12 percent of actors defined by the scientific law of the 'Oracle of Bacon'. The Kevin Bacon law is a valid device for calculating the value of a film. Few actors have an undefined Bacon number, meaning that they cannot be linked to The Bacon in any number of connections at all. All the actors in 'The Slaughter House Massacre' have an undefined Bacon number, meaning this film is undefinable, and not placeable on the Bacon Scale, and therefore is unable to be rated. If you are interested in watching a film with a good Bacon rating, watch anything with Colin Firth.

The start is like something out of a soft porn shop, the lighting's crap, the acting's crap. Simple as - how people can give it a 9/10 I have no idea, I've just bought it from EBay for £2.99 - straight in the bin, I can assure you! Don't rent it, don't buy it - as soon as you open the case you see why. The front cover is deceptive, and looks as though it could be moderately good but the disk itself 'Sickle' and that's it. It looks fake. Awful, it really was. I know it's only £2.99 but I could have spent it on something GOOD! Another point - it has no adverts at the start. That tells you all! So my advice - don't rent it. Or buy it. Or go anywhere near it!