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That was an excellent one.

It's entirely possible that sending the audience out feeling lousy was intentional

Like the great film, it's made with a great deal of visible affection both in front of and behind the camera.

The thing I enjoyed most about the film is the fact that it doesn't shy away from being a super-sized-cliche;

The movie really did start out like it'd be quirky fun, but in reality I got a dull, droning, headache of a film, that ultimately had no point, or relevance. First we start out on with a man looking for his sea wife, then on to the flashbacks, then to the ship and ending up on the raft. Up to this point, the film is good I thought, then on the raft, no one becomes interesting. The black man seemed like he'd play a crucial role, nothing, the women maybe? Nope. The fat man would be a god antagonist? Well, sorta, but then switches, lightens up, maybe a happy redemption story for him? Nope. The handsome man? Nothing. On the island maybe there will be tribalism and a look into people's psychology? Nope, it sets it up like maybe so, but ultimately changed course and goes into bizarre-o world. MAJOR SPOILERS: the fat man decided to leave the black man for no REAL reason, and then oh look they're saved, and nothing bad happens to the fat man, and the women still never revealed that she's a nun for NO reason, not even on the 1 in a billion chance that she happens to pass by him and still decides to let his heart yearn for the rest of his life. Unfulfilling in every way, and frankly a waste of time and film, skip this one for sure.

"Dynasty" fans may recall when Joan Collins, as Alexis, posed as a nun. Well, here she is a nun again, in "Sea Wife," also starring Richard Burton, Cy Grant, and Basil Sydney.The jolly foursome are stuck on a lifeboat in 1942 when the ship they were on explodes as they escape from Singapore. For reasons known only to themselves, they all adopt nicknames - Burton is Biscuit, Collins is Sea Wife, Grant is No. 4, Sidney is Bulldog. Sea Wife neglects to tell anyone she's a nun, but Number 4 knows, and uses it to get food and water from an enemy ship. The big mystery of the film is why she doesn't tell anyone.Not much happens in this movie. The story is told in flashback, when Burton goes on his search for Sea Wife, with whom he is madly in love. He visits Bulldog, and the story of their voyage begins.Lots of shots of their boat floating on the water. Sidney's character is most unpleasant - he distrusts No. 4, who is black, even though the man gets food and water for them and also saves his life. Burton is handsome, and he definitely had one of the greatest voices in film. Collins here is young and beautiful, but she made such a reputation for herself as Alexis, it's kind of funny to see her as a reverent, devoted nun - who doesn't tell anybody. She and Burton don't have much chemistry.Skip it.

So runs the mantra of the shipwrecked racist "Bulldog" when he realises that one of his fellow castaways - the unbelievably handsome Mr Cy Grant,better - known for singing calypsos on the BBC "Tonight programme - has found a machete on the island where he finds himself marooned along with a nun(Miss Joan Collins) and a British officer(Mr Richard Burton).Mr Grant,formerly Steward of the ill - fated ship sunk by the beastly Japs is the only one who even remotely has his act together and so is obviously doomed to a fairly early demise.But not before he has set male and female hearts a - flutter by baring his well - oiled chest and sylph - like figure all over the island. He meets a particularly grisly end at the hands - or mouth I suppose,to be more accurate - of a passing shark as he swims out to board the raft that "Bulldog" has launched into the water having temporarily incapacitated the more liberal Mr Burton who did not share his unpleasant prejudices.Miss Collins contented herself with whispering ineffectually,a technique she adopts throughout the picture. Mr Burton gives one of his more offhand performances in a career of giving offhand performances.He is convincing as neither a British officer,a castaway, or as the ardent seeker of a lost love.As he walks towards a bus stop (!) at the end he looks like a man who has temporarily misplaced his latch - key rather than one who has just seen the only chance of finding true lurve going up in a puff of smoke. In a scene that will surprise nobody he walks straight past Miss Collins dressed in her nun's kit.Cue violins and swelling orchestra as Miss Collins gazes heavenwards in an ending that leaves Camp struggling to catch up.

The author of the story from whence this came (JM Scott, 'Sea-Wyf and Biscuit') evidently did not write with the cinema in mind; but judging by this mile-high venture the Fox production machine was less than fastidious in its choice of material to show off Cinemascope to worry too much about such trivial dramatic considerations.Four WWII disparates - a nun, a black, a racist, and a slice of ham - are thrown together on a lifeboat and begin to drift aimlessly. The film in which they find themselves marooned quickly decides to follow suit, as they attribute themselves misnomers such as "Biscuit", "Seawife", "Bulldog" and "No. 4", and spend most of the rest of their time posturing at opposite ends of the boat for the Cinemascope frame, and expatiating whilst bearing 'meaningful' fixed stares of interminable solemnity. Yes, we're in the sort of 'external monologue' territory that most of those predisposed to such masochism sensibly choose to do so within the confines of the theatre.Attempts are made to liven things up with the introduction of some men overboard, Japs, sharks and a desert island (in no particular order); however the pervasive verbosity continues unabated, as does its failure to translate into dramatic coherence; and with it the lament that the unjust critics reception of Collins' performance in 'Land Of The Pharoas' two years earlier pretty much killed off her chances of ever getting to do anything remotely credible within the American mainstream cinema. Connoiseurs of cinematic Wartime seasickness are best advised to stick with Hitchcock's 'Lifeboat'.