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Undescribable Perfection

Sorry, this movie sucks

Simply A Masterpiece

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

Valiant and noble alien superhero Supersonic Man (brawny lunk Jose Luis Ayestaran) has to stop evil arch villain Dr. Gulik (a gloriously hammy portrayal by Cameron Mitchell) from taking over the planet as well as rescue his girlfriend Patricia (fetching brunette Diana Polakov) from Gulik's vile clutches.Man, does this hilariously horrendous honey possess all the right wrong stuff to qualify as a real four-star stinkeroonie: Ham-fisted (mis)direction by Juan Piquer Simon (who also co-wrote the idiotic script), a meandering narrative, shoddy (far from) special effects, a clunky box-like robot that looks like it stumbled off the set of a third-rate 1930's serial, cruddy dubbing (even Mitchell's voice is badly dubbed by another actor!), ineptly staged action set pieces, strained attempts at moronic humor (the comic relief drunk guy is especially annoying), a robust cornball score, lousy acting, and a sluggish pace that moves more slowly than an elderly tortoise on Quaaludes. A total schlocky riot.

Dr. Gulik (Cameron Mitchell) is an evil mastermind bent on . . . well, I'm really not sure what he was bent on. I watched the entire movie and still have no idea what Dr. Gulick's plan was. In between all the gibberish Dr. Gulick spouts, I don't believe he ever laid out what his ultimate goal was (if he did, I missed it). I don't believe I've ever seen a movie with a more confusing plot. Or, maybe the plot wasn't confusing, but, instead, the movie didn't have a plot. That's my guess.Beyond the plot, everything else is a disaster. The special effects are the worst, the music is beyond annoying, and the acting is atrocious. Usually I can watch a movie and enjoy it regardless of the dubbing. That's not the case here. The voice actors are terrible. And why was there a need to dub Cameron Mitchell with a ridiculous, over-the-top English accent? And then there's the robot. This movie was made in 1979, not 1939. Just plain stupid. The only reason I haven't given the movie a "1" is for all the lackeys in the matching, multi-color jumpsuits. Watching these guys run around as the island blows-up is worth a point.

Supervillain Gulik (Cameron Mitchell) kidnaps a scientist in search of a powerful weapon which shall make him ruler of the world. When the scientist asks him why he wants to become ruler, he just shrugs and says: 'Aren't we all driven by something?' In other words, he has no clue, but the movie needed a super-villain... Enter the superhero: somewhere out in space, Supersonic Man comes to the rescue, his cape fluttering happily in the airless emptiness, accompanied by the even happier doodleeedoo soundtrack. Supersonic Man can stop bullets, lift heavy machinery, and he can turn into Boring Guy with a 1979 moustache, so the scientist's daughter won't discover his secret identity, but the moustache disappears every time he turns into Supersonic Man. Everything you thought was silly in superhero movies is right in here, so if you love bad movies with ridiculous special effects, don't miss the hilarious "Supersonic Man"!

Juan Piquer Simon used to be a postman (thus linking him to Fabrizio de Angelis, ex-postman and director of "Killer Crocodile"), but quit his job to step into the movie business. If his mail delivery was as excellent as his knowledge of movie making, I wouldn't send a letter to Spain.Supersonic Man is so obviously a Superman rip-off that I'm almost ashamed to mention it. Still, shame is something Piquer Simon didn't seem to have. Granted, the man has lots of imagination, but so has a toddler who draws three lines on a piece of paper and says it's a car. Supersonic (for that is his name) is sleeping in a spaceship when an intergalactic voice tells him an evil mastermind wants to kidnap a professor so he, the evil mastermind, can rule over the world. The evil mastermind is none other than Cameron Mitchell, actor in a handful of classics and the lead in over 150 B- to D-movies. In this production he's the biggest (read: only) star.Supersonic doesn't take the train, like any superhero he can fly. Well, flying... it does look like the actor is busy pretending to swim in the air. Go lie on a bench and move your body first 10° to the left and then 20° to the right. Keep doing that, add a blue screen and you too can fly. To make us believe the movie was shot in the US, Supersonic often flies in the air with parts of New York in the background. Unfortunately, that's the only use of these scenes, so basically you're just watching a man in a silly suit pretending he can fly.Supersonic's suit may give you a few chuckles, but what really got me rolling on the floor is the scene where the professor's daughter (Patricia) is chased by gangsters. Just when it looks like her car is going to hit a bulldozer, Supersonic lifts it up with one hand. Though, why a bulldozer is standing in the middle of a forest road beats me, just as it's quite fascinating to see the bulldozer is actually made of wood. The crooks try to avoid hitting the bulldozer, drive down a hill and for some reason that should explain why their car explodes.The bulldozer scene is featured quite early in the movie, so it's best to stay on the floor. Don't crawl back into your couch as an avalanche of bad scenes is still coming your way: bad special effects (toy helicopters anyone?), cheesy humour and even more bad special effects (toy houses?). Oh, did I mention already the plot is hard to follow and some plot lines commence but never go anywhere? Frankly, "Mulholland Drive" is easier to follow.To make things even worse, this Spanish action movie (let's use that phrase lightly) is dubbed in university English. When the giant robot bursts into the professor's lab to kidnap him, the professor states: "What kind of tomfoolery is this?" One has to admire those academics, if not for their vocabulary, then for the fact that he doesn't start laughing when the giant and fierce (and frankly slow) robot appears.Juan Piquer Simon is sometimes compared to Ed Wood, but at least Wood had a vision (a vision hindered by a budget, but still a vision). "Supersonic Man" however is a work that makes "Killer Crocodile" look like a masterpiece. Which in its own right is quite special.