Watch Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid For Free

Pretty Good

Excellent but underrated film

An Exercise In Nonsense

The acting is good, and the firecracker script has some excellent ideas.

Warning: midway plot spoilers. SHE'S UGLY, BUT SHE PUTS OUT was said about John Messner's boat. This was his funny line which he delivered in a tough guy monotone as the guide, Bill Johnson, former special ops agent and acting school drop out. The movie has some great scenery as the movie starts with a native in Borneo being hunted by an extinct Tiger, escaping then to be eaten by a species of Anacondas that are not indigenous to that region. However that doesn't seem to phase the writers as they script in a group of scientists to look for a rare flower that doesn't exist either. It only blooms for six months once every six years and they only have 2 weeks to obtain it, or wait. This flower is believed to be a chemical fountain of youth.Once in Borneo they obtain overpriced guide services to go up the river during the rainy season. During the trip, one of the two babes falls overboard and is accosted by a man-eating Borneo crocodile (They exist.). Our guide leaps into the water and kills the big rubber croc with a knife and saves the girl. Now the reason why she fell over is that she was doing a cell phone commercial on the boat by walking around with a phone saying, "Can you hear me now?" The problem is that these were NOT cell phones (no towers in jungle) but radio satellite phones which makes no difference where on the boat she stood.It appears that the river is flooded and dangerous. The guide is bribed to take the dangerous route to save time. The boat cascades over a water falls and is lost, but everyone survives as does a cell phone used to call the guide's friend who will pick them up. However in order to get there they have to transverse through the jungles. Along the way, someone gets eaten by an Anaconda, a snake which has not just fangs, but a whole mouth full of long razor sharp teeth.They arrive at the meeting location just in time to watch the rescue boat explode. Taking what the can, they decide to locate a nearby tribe of former head hunters so they can be rescued. But wait! The tribe has been eaten by snakes. It seems it is mating season for the snakes and neither the guide nor the natives knew when that was. Everyone in the group, except one evil corporate guy, wants to call off the quest. (Guess how that works out?)Okay. The plot had a few minor holes in it. The snake had some close-ups and was realistic looking enough. The woman were pretty and at times sexy. The acting, except for Messner was passable for a horror flick. Messner at his best was about like Van Dien at his worst (I hope they got him cheap.)

Where did the anacondas come from? A native snake species from South America, in the nation of Borneo, how did they get there? Back to the more important question, if ancient tribes people living in the region known as Borneo have passed on traditions and legends concerning anacondas for like generations, how in the f*ck did the snakes get there? The Amazon river basin is like thousands of miles away from Borneo. Do screen writers not understand how distance works? Is science not that important? Geography not important anymore? Do you not care about stuff having reasons for why stuff happens? What does anything mean anymore?

Heavens! This feels like it goes on for more than "Gone with the Wind" did! Lordy!The film (such as it is!) is almost interminable. Just basically a lot of running around the jungle with occasional scenes with one of the snakes. The rest is just goofy melodrama. And, some dude keeps yelling and freaking out constantly like Bill Paxton in "Aliens." Man, can't that guy have gotten eaten? At least Paxton was entertaining.Now, don't get me wrong, this is (amazingly!) better that the horrifically awful original "Anaconda," starring "Master Thespian" Jennifer Lopez and the always-terrible (at least since the 1970's!) Jon Voight. Oh, my, I am having grisly flashbacks just thinking of that!The visual effects are better here, but how could they be worse? The original used CGI in its infancy, and it wasn't a good idea. It came across as really fake in that movie. At least here, they have the good sense to stage the snake scenes at night and in the rain.The film score is the only redeeming thing in the movie. The cinematography is fine, but doesn't help make up for everything else!Do I need to say avoid? I do? Then, avoid!**** (4 Out of 10 Stars)

Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid takes a second-rate idea and stockpiles it with third-rate characters but a first-rate setting. Clearly a film with ambition, yet financial and writing limitations, to call it poorly made is simply far too extreme, yet to call it a worthy sequel to is predecessor is going too far.I'm one of the few who appreciated the original 1997 Anaconda, with Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez headlining the picture. What can I say? I'm biased towards films where creatures of nature are human's enemies and considering they're an easy genre to find but not an easy one to do well, if the film has gleefully corny aspects, decently likable characters, and some fun little instances with its characters caught in the middle, I can appreciate them when I consider the genre they belong to. In terms of "creature features," I have always been particularly very fond of the famous Tremors franchise, but that's a whole other story I'm not willing to retell.Our story concerns a group of researchers off to explore the island of Borneo, where deep in the jungle exists the mysterious and precious "blood orchid," a plant whose powers could provide humans with a longer, healthier lifestyle and quite possibly rid them of any current diseases. The researchers are Jack (Matthew Marsden), Ben (Nicholas Gonzalez), Gordon (Morris Chestnut), and Tran (Karl Yune), Samantha (KaDee Strickland), Gail (Salli Richardson-Whitfield), and Cole (Eugene Byrd), all commanded by the likes of the cut-throat Bill Johnson (Johnny Messner). Many of the characters are notably capable, with the exception of the dead-end Cole, who seems to be just itching to say the next loud, unnecessary zinger.So, they venture out to this island, it's raining like hell, everyone's patience are thin, and just to give things a little extra spice, there is a giant, man-eating anaconda who has just found some men to chew on. After one of the members is eaten, one of the characters, Bill, I believe, makes the assumption that the anaconda will no longer feast after being filled up by one of their researchers...unless it's mating season. And, yes; it's that time of year.Back to the third-rate characters, it seems as if there is nothing holding these thin characters together but glue and duct tape. They're horrible oversimplifications of recognizable humans, and are cut from the thinnest, ugliest cloth that their appeal (as characters not as actors, who are mostly efficient) wears dreadfully thin. Fortunately, they exist in a film with fine, vibrant cinematography, equal parts intoxicating and mesmerizing. Much like in the first Anaconda, there is something so pleasantly real about hearing the annoying chirping of bugs and almost feeling the sticky, moist sweat of the humidity-soaked jungle. It's a tasteless environment captured perfectly on screen.The scares are pretty mild, where as in Anaconda they were somewhat enjoyable. The effects are clearly limited, but not appalling. It's a creature feature, so one shouldn't expect the CGI to be that of high artistry, but what bothers me is how indistinct, dark, and murky everything is for most of the film. When night falls is when most of the action occurs, and we're plagued by dim, blurry darkness for much of the film.Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid is a rather unremarkable stroll through the jungle of making a sequel for a nineties film in 2004 "just because." The film is only made slightly memorable because of Matthew Marsden and Johnny Messner's gifted performances, and its overall impressively cinematography. However, what it mainly lacks is direction, fun, surprise, scares, and most importantly, the 1997 film's biggest asset; Jon Voight.Starring: Johnny Messner, KaDee Strickland, Matthew Marsden, Nicholas Gonzalez, Eugene Byrd, Karl Yune, Salli Richardson, and Morris Chestnut. Directed by: Dwight H. Little.