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Simply Perfect

hyped garbage

In truth, there is barely enough story here to make a film.

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

Honestly? Anyone who gave this movie a decent review - what's going through your head? I've watched a lot of "coming of age" movies, most of which have been fairly raunchy or outlandish. Never have I watched a movie as disappointing as this one though. It was disgusting - and I assure you, I can handle quite a bit of raunchiness. I mean, I grew up on Newgrounds and all those other bullshit sites that exposed me to that an early age. This was just over the top though. The only charming aspect of it was the main character and his love interest. His narrative paired with his script was actually what pushed me to give this movie a 2 as opposed to a flat out 1. The other characters had me on the brink of pulling my hair out, and I did everything within my power to not turn the program off halfway through. I actually feel dumber after having watched that. I called my grandma to tell her I love her. I enrolled in an MBA program. I've since turned my life around 180 and promised to be a better man. All because of this absolute trash movie; I've reevaluated my life entirely.

Based on the immensely successful TV series that ran between 2008 and 2010 on E4, The Inbetweeners naturally made the leap to the big screen much to the appreciation of its fans, who obviously felt that 3 seasons was not nearly enough time to spend with it's four hopeless would-be lothario's. As with most TV-to-movie transitions, the added budget requires moving the setting to something bigger and more exotic, which means its a lad's holiday to Malia for Will (Simon Bird), Jay (James Buckley), Neil (Blake Harrison) and Simon (Joe Thomas), where they hope to find sun, sea and sex. "It'll be like shooting clunge in a barrel," as the ever-sensitive Jay delicately puts it.After Will's father marries a much younger women, Jay inherits money from his grandfather's death, and Simon is dumped by his girlfriend Carli (Emily Head), Neil books the group a much-needed fortnight away in Crete. Only their accommodation is a run-down squalor with a dead dog in the water well, and the area seems to be populated by a lonesome weirdo, an angry hotel owner and lots of ants. Their first venture into the clubs leads them to a deserted bar where they meet four girls who are staying nearby. Will insults but manages to hit it off with the gorgeous Alison (Laura Haddock); Simon can't stop talking about his ex to Lucy (Tamla Kari); Neil is too interested in the older lady on the dancefloor to talk to Lisa (Jessica Knappett); which leaves Jay "stuck with the fat one" Jane (Lydia Rose Bewley).I boycotted the show for years due to it's popularity, as I find that it never spells good news if everyone is discussing how funny a show is (see Gavin & Stacy for proof). Yet when I did catch it on late-night TV, it transported me back to my school days. The dialogue is consistently crude and ridiculously offensive, but tragically realistic. The boys' repulsiveness was offset by their naivety and innocence, especially when spoken by Jay, a compulsive liar with a mentally abusive father. The show was less appealing in its relentless cruelty; set-pieces involving s******g your pants during an exam or walking down a cat- walk with one testicle unknowingly hanging out tended to induce cringing rather than laughs.Operating on a larger scale means that these set-pieces are more dominant, making the film more akin to American teen sex comedies such as Porky's (1982) or American Pie (1999) than the more observational TV show that brought us "bus w*****s!", "ah, car fwend," and punching a fish to death. So rather than decent jokes and immature word-play, we get Jay masturbating with chicken-fillets and a gas mask and Neil's fingers working their way into an old slapper's knickers in the middle of a club. Still, while it makes little attempt to work outside the familiar tropes of the genre, it's funnier than most small-to-big screen transitions seen with British shows throughout the decades, with Bird and Buckley especially putting in decent performances.

I enjoyed a few of the episodes from the series, but this film was horrendously bad. The best bit was the opening few minutes with Greg Davies, but then he wasn't in it again until the closing credits. I think I laughed twice. Oh, IMDb won't let me post this unless there are 10 lines of text "Your review does not contain enough lines - the minimum length for reviews is 10 lines of text" - that's funnier that the film! Your review does not contain enough lines - the minimum length for reviews is 10 lines of text... Your review does not contain enough lines - the minimum length for reviews is 10 lines of text... There.

The grand finale of a successful British TV series, has the foursome of socially inept dysfunctional youth go on spring break into Greek wonderland in search for sex, drugs and the ultimate party. The self-proclaimed 'pussay patrol' hit the sands, unruly, clueless, but mostly clit-oriented. The virgin wisecracking Will McKenzie (Simon Bird) keeps a watchful sarcastic distance towards the whole endeavor, while his best mate Simon Cooper (Joe Thomas) bemoans being dumped by his girlfriend just prior to the trip. The more one-track stance is taken on by the remaining twosome: Neil Harrison (Blake Harrison) who dry-humps literally anything that has two melons (as only penetration equals cheating on his girl), while the crass and oft overbearing Jay Cartwright (James Buckley) spews out masculine obscenities when mis-enticing his prey.The European Pie takes on a similar crude form of outlook into sexual explorations of youth, as its American predecessor, adding in some low-brow lewd British humour. Given the relative prominence of the serial, director Ben Palmer dives straight into the story, no real introduction necessary, as the characters are well-defined enough to quickly fill in the blanks, while the vessel itself is already en route to the perverse land of all night partying and sexuality. The narrative never really evolves from there, basically limiting itself to throwing a counterpart foursome of girls, who may or may not turn out to be the 'pussay patrols' summer sexual retreat.Owing much to the famed American Pie series, "The Inbetweeners" delves into a similar level of humour, but unfortunately with inferior build-up and an unexpected drabness (a sense of insincerity to the story). Here the action is much more episodic, as if warping from sketch to sketch, instead of steadily building up and bringing about the obscene audacious hilarity. Naturally "American Pie" also had its prolonged gags, but in the end they seamlessly converged into a vastly superior and raunchier story.