Watch Cool as Ice For Free

Too much of everything

The performances transcend the film's tropes, grounding it in characters that feel more complete than this subgenre often produces.

The acting in this movie is really good.

Through painfully honest and emotional moments, the movie becomes irresistibly relatable

I'm gonna give this movie what it deserves. I know most people are saying "this sucks" or so bad and all that but it really is nothing that makes it even bad. Yes, its boring at times but its never really anything aquard or cringy. It just seemed to be an average movie with an average budget and an average set of popular hollywood actors. If I were to give it any pluses, it had aesthetically pleasing camera angles and shots and had nice characters that didn't fit into stereotypical movie roles. It did of course have a lot to work on like characters jumping to conclusions or odd character lines but other than that, thats all I can say about it.

Worse than I expected. And I expected it to be 100 times worse than 'Road House'. This is so bad, Naomi Campbell is in it, and she isn't the worst thing about the film.This is a contender for the crassest, most imbecilic movie ever made. Compared to this, 'Night Train to Mundo Fine' is a completely coherent work of heartbreaking beauty.It was a vehicle for the just-expired popularity of Robert van Winkle, aka Vanilla Ice, aka the white rapper who made Snow look legit. He and his nitwit, cliché-spouting biker gang bowl into a small town without a suitcase between them, but still manage several preposterous costume changes. He proceeds to endanger the life of an allegedly clever girl with a physically impossible act of crass stupidity, thus making her fall in love with him. Naturally, he antagonises the local rubes with his totally radical attitude and use of the catchphrase "yep yep".At one point, he takes over the local dance hall to commit a hideous crime on a Sly Stone track (shockingly, he isn't laughed out of town at this point) and seduces the leading lady with a mixture of sub-MC Hammer prancing and some very creepy dry humping.The leading man is so utterly laughable, charmless and gormless, the folks of today complaining about Justin Bieber don't know how lucky they are. Any fan of 'The Simpsons' will recognise him as the blueprint for Poochy. The odd thing is that Vanilla Ice actually had a genuine talent for racing motorcycles, but even that isn't made a convincing part of this film. The bike scenes look as fake as everything else.Then there's the usual tale of "bad boy gets rejected by the town, but then wins everybody over by saving the day". What, you hadn't seen that coming?Thankfully, the RiffTrax crew give it the kicking it very richly deserves, without which I couldn't have got through this. Yep yep.

The problem with Vanilla Ice (and also the Anti Ice, aka: MC hammer for that matter) is they were nice guys. Ice looked too nice, he wasn't intimidating, and to be fair you could have introduced him to your mother and father quite easily, no problem. To borrow a phrase "Word to you Mother" - No, you tell her Mr Ice. And he would have done; nicely.Is this film bad? Say, bad as the endless 'found footage' horrors on Netflix/Google Play? No. No it is not. Is it broken? So un-watchable as to hurt? Again, no. So, why the low scores? It's fashionable to hate it. It became fashionable to hate Vanilla Ice - he was by his own admission a sell-out. So, one person says they hate - a lot of people follow. What is wrong then? My main gripe? Vanilla Ice looks uncomfortable playing the part of a rapper. Is he bad singing rapper? What do i know? Let's say, no. Is he bad at playing the part of a mean tough gangster rapper? Yes. yes he is. He's not as tough as he makes out, and it's obvious in this film. He says a lot of things in this film that does not match his face. Occasionally, when he's talking to little kids or out of character, his face lights up, his smile is genuine, and you see the person Mr Ice is comfortable with being: Himself. A nice guy. To add to this his gang (the VIP?) look awkward too, being anything other than nice decent people. Is all the casting a little misaligned? No, not really. Michael Gross, of tremors fame, Naomi Campbell turns up at the start and end, Jack McGee and Sydney Lassick -- they all work fine. Even the little kid, is actually very good.What about the love interest, Kristin Minter? Is she mismatched with the hero Vanilla Ice? No. Is the bad guy, John Newton, unlikable? Yes. What about the arch villains? They work fine. So for what it is, the cast works.To The plot! In a nut shell: Vanilla Ice, urban rapping rebel, saves very nice posh horse riding girl, who likes in nice posh America, from bad controlling boyfriend. At the same time saves girlfriends well todo family from evil villains and proves himself to them -- Through the medium of rap! Ice eventually turns into Scooby Doo and the gang, jumps on his mystery bike, and saves the day. Go white- boy, go white-boy, go!It's a very late 1980s - early 1990s film. Not as brash as the 1980s, not as self-absorbed as the 1990s. Fun but confused. Neon colours, gentler makeup, more natural haircuts and cyber clothing. The odd scene, let's call them music montages, are a wee bit cheesy. Very 1980s, all movies had them in the 80s, these are shoe-horned in and themed like a bad 1990s music video.It's an above-age made for TV movies. No more, no less. I enjoyed it, for what it was. To the extreme!

Granted, I am not a user of marijuana, but I doubt Cool as Ice would even be enjoyable while high.This beyond weird 90s flick that thinks it's still the 80s was a hard one to watch. Being nice, I will say it's not even in my bottom 50 of all time, but it's begging to be in the dishonorable mentions. It featured horrible clothing, an uncharismatic protagonist, terrible dialogue and a creepy older guy/young teen girl relationship – at one point, he shows up in the teen's bed feeding her ice when she awakes. Today, this "innocent" scene would ruin the movie as it's nothing shy of pedophilia. But, oh, well, Ice Ice Baby was a hit back then.After a horribly shot and all-but endless music video finishes the opening credits, our gang rides into a small town and mysteriously ends up at Pee Wee's playhouse and the leader, Vanilla Ice's Johnny woos a teen girl who's already taken and her father's in trouble with his past in some failed and cartoonish subplot. Will Johnny take Baby out of the corner and rap her heart away? Duh, but it will cliché your heart until you will never want a taste of Vanilla again.* * *Final thoughts: Sure, I've heard of this, ever since it premiered, but never did I think I would ever see it. If not for the fantastic podcast, How Did This Get Made?, I would've always eluded it. Unfortunately, while I love those guys' take on bad movies, this one wasn't the best as the guest starred Vanilla Ice, so they – ah-hem – sugar coated their thoughts on this movie and made it out as a cult classic. Don't respect that one bit, nor did I think this movie was any bit a "classic." It's not even so-bad, it's good. It just stinks…yo!