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To me, this movie is perfection.

not horrible nor great

Horrible, fascist and poorly acted

There is just so much movie here. For some it may be too much. But in the same secretly sarcastic way most telemarketers say the phrase, the title of this one is particularly apt.

What led me to watch this film was the deceptive link it affects to have with the mysterious and hitherto debated origin of a series of letters written by a Portuguese nun from Beja in the Alentejo region, Mariana Acoforado, to her French lover Marquis De Chamilly. The original letters have been lost but they circulated in translations into several languages and were even published anonymously in Paris in 1669. Mariana's letters became synonymous with ardent love and passion, qualities attributed to Portuguese women for a certain time in those European countries where the letters were being read, with morbid curiosity no doubt. But the title is the only thing Jess Franco, the film's director, manages to salvage from what is otherwise a fascinating and mysterious relationship between a military man of aristocratic origins and the daughter of a well-to-do Portuguese gentleman who was placed in a convent at the early age of 11; her father's intentions were to assure her safety during the turbulent years of the Portuguese Restoration Wars (1663-68). This sad story of seduction and abandonment has its fruit in a literary genre of the letter. Franco's film could not possibly have strayed any further from the original tale of love gone wrong. Had the film industry existed during the time of the Reformation, the film would have been an excellent pamphlet of anti-Catholic propaganda. The film is a German production which somehow corroborates my suspicions that it could well be aimed at perpetuating a number of clichés concerning convents. We don't have secret tunnels connecting convents to the priest's residences; according to one of the clichés, skeletons of babies had due to illicit intercourse between priests and nuns littered these tunnels hidden from the eyes of the God-fearing populace. However, Franco's film presents us with an evil priest/confessor at a convent who obliges through lies to have a 15-year old girl, Maria Rosalea, put into the custody of nuns who turn out to be lesbian devil-worshipers whose plans for the little girl are mating her to the very devil himself during a nocturnal ceremony at which the rest of the community of nuns, dressed or rather undressed in cutaway habits receive the devil with frantic baring of their breasts while obscenely rubbing themselves with their wooden crucifixes and smacking their lips in sexual anticipation, avid to take the poor victim's place should Satan so require of them. As this does not happen they turn to one another for sexual solace. The priest had already been seen masturbating while listening to Mariana's confession. Later he forces her to give him head. He doesn't actually dare deflower her as her virginity is destined as an offering for the prince of darkness. Just in case anyone is wondering, the Inquisition makes its inevitable appearance in a confusion of events. While winding its ludicrous way towards the end the film suddenly changes genre. What seems destined to become a tragic ending with our innocent Mariana burnt at the stake, undergoes an unexpected turnabout and our heroine is saved by none other than the prince; a fit ending to a fairy tale. Had I not decided from the outset of the film that I would write a few lines for IMDb, I would not have been able to watch it till the end. If not the worst movie I've ever seen, it certainly occupies a very high place in the list.

Many people accuse Jesus Franco of being a talentless hack, but he has an amazing ability to bring artistry and watchability, and occasionally even a little class, to some of the most sordid subject matter. It's hard to rave unreservedly about a movie that features a naked sixteen-year-old girl stretched out on a rack and tortured with a pair of metal tongs--a movie whose subject manner includes masturbating priests, lesbian nuns, satanic ritual sodomy, and all other manners of depravity and blasphemy--yet it's a testament to Franco that the film remains highly watchable and even manages to be somewhat of a serious historical indictment of the Catholic church. Since this at first seemed to be another of Franco's sick WIP movies, I was initially curious why he had cast the unknown Susan Hemingway in a role usually played by Lina Romay, but it turned out to be a good choice. You actually feel sympathy for Hemingway's innocent-looking character when she's tortured and sexually abused by corrupt and lecherous nuns and clergy, whereas these scenes probably would have been merely crass titillation if Romay (who was many things but innocent wasn't one of them) had played the role. This movie makes you wonder what Franco could have done if he'd ever made a serious film that did NOT plumb the depths of sexual violence and human depravity. But I guess it wouldn't really be a Franco movie then, would it?

Jesus Franco's dark yet artistic sexploitation movie concerns Maria Rosalea (Susan Hemmingway), a fifteen year old girl, who is caught cavorting with her boyfriend by the devilish Father Vicente (William Berger). Vicente convinces Maria's poor and easily intimidated, God-fearing mother (Aida Vargas) to force Maria into a convent. Upon arriving at the convent Maria is subjected to numerous vile and sadistic sexual tortures, and it becomes increasingly clear that it is not God that these particular nuns worship. It is fairly easy to speculate whether 'Love Letters of a Portuguese Nun' is a film with a message or not. It would appear to be a film damning the historical atrocities of the Catholic Church, and while perhaps over exaggerating the real truth (though one may never know for sure), the portrayal of how the Catholic Church abused it's power, particularly during the 16th-19th centuries, seems to be effectively represented here. In fact, to this very day, there is still news making the headlines about the darker side of religion, including the vile sexual abuse that is often covered up the Church itself and carried out by those who are supposed to spread the word of God. While not meaning to sound anti-religious, 'Love Letters of a Portuguese Nun' is a film that is not afraid to push the boundaries of acceptability all the way and condemn the wrong doings in the Church. Bordering on illegal, with frequent horrific representations of a fifteen year old girl naked and/or suffering, what can only be described as sadistic sexual abuse, 'Love Letters of a Portuguese Nun' is a gloomy, yet surprisingly powerful, artistic and thought-provoking film. Although the scripting occasionally left a lot to be desired, particularly in the scenes involving the Prince of Portugal (Herman Jose), generally the script was very tight, and the dialogue enormously effective. It becomes very easy to empathise with Maria as she suffers the numerous horrid indignities. While I am unable to comment on the verbal acting ability of Susan Hemmingway in this film (as I watched the film with English dubbing), the physical performance of Susan was highly realistic and there is little way that one cannot feel sympathy for this poor, young girl. William Berger's physical performance was also of a high standard and it becomes very easy to feel contempt for this sleazy and perverted man. The confessional masturbation scene early in the movie showed exactly how depraved and corrupt this so-called `good man' was. Berger was also complimented by the addition of Ana Zanatti in the role of Mother Superior, Alma. Zanatti added a loathsome female character which seemingly exhibited more savagery than the despicable Vicente.Although some may find the occasional scenes of lesbianism portrayed within the movie more titillating than necessary, they still maintain an artistic air and help create an image, for the viewer, of the real actions within the convent. There are numerous scenes of nudity and sexual acts, but the majority of these are more repulsive than erotic. Outside of the eroticism/sexual deviances, 'Love Letters of a Portuguese Nun' is generally aesthetically pleasing as it was shot in some beautiful locations, and featured many scenes of glorious gothic architecture. An early comment on how beautiful the Abbey featured in 'Love Letters.' rings so true, and serves to underline the ignorance to the truth that both the church, and the village as a whole possesses. This imaginative and artistically presented film is certainly worth viewing for fans of similar movies, particularly those who enjoy European arthouse eroticism. My rating for 'Love Letters of a Portuguese Nun' - 7/10.

Jess Franco's "Love Letters of a Portuguese Nun" is the perfect film to show anyone who thinks all that Jess Franco is capable of is zooming in and out of tasteless sex scenes. Instead of his usual epileptic zooms, the cinematography in this is measured and carefully composed. The acting is also another plus. William Berger's portrayal as the Father Confessor is the epitome of slime and pretense. Let's not forget Susan Hemingway and her effortless performance as the innocent heroine of the title. In closing, this is a MUST-SEE picture and proof that Franco could make a film that would cater to the arthouse crowd.