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Wow! Such a good movie.

Just what I expected

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

Just intense enough to provide a much-needed diversion, just lightweight enough to make you forget about it soon after it’s over. It’s not exactly “good,” per se, but it does what it sets out to do in terms of putting us on edge, which makes it … successful?

Don't be fooled by the misleading title. This is a serviceable jungle adventure flick which manages to be rather more entertaining and less grisly than earlier entries in this particular Italian sub-genre. Think of it as INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM meets MOUNTAIN OF THE CANNIBAL GOD and you'll be on the right track. All of the clichés are present and correct in this enjoyable yarn which kicks off with a bus load of sweaty people bouncing down a dirt track while an amusing "tropical" song plays over the credits. From here, we are introduced to the various sleazy characters who will variously get bitten, beaten, eaten, tortured, and murdered in a variety of ways within the next hour-and-a-half.Anyway, after being introduced to the film's "hero" as he gets amusingly beaten unconscious by two huge guys in a bar, the plane takes off and predictably crashes. One guy loses a gallon of blood from his skull, while another thinks that he's Crocodile Dundee and ventures into the wilderness with the others trailing behind. Various pitfalls await, including some snakes, quicksand, a nasty bunch of piranhas who chew off a man's leg, and of course the long-awaited cannibals. The heroines get captured and stripped (big surprise there, didn't see that one coming), and then it's up to the hero to save the day.This guy obviously models himself on Indiana Jones and spends the film doing all manner of good-natured things. In the film's highlight he attacks the cannibal camp and blasts about a hundred of them with his shotgun before escaping. But is this the end of the film? Not likely. The surviving trio then fall foul of an illegal smuggling cooperation run by a Gunnar Hansen lookalike which is mining in the hills. "Gunnar" proceeds to have his wicked way with the women while an extra from a blaxploitation movie indulges in a little lesbianism. The hero, tied up with the pigs, cunningly contrives a means to escape (using friction burns he causes his wrists to bleed and the hungry pigs immediately chew the ropes away), frees all the native slaves, and blows everything up in sight, including the whole camp and all of the bad guys, before escaping on a helicopter with his girlfriend. The end.There are many individual scenes in this film to enjoy. For example the showdown between the chief smuggler and the film's hero, played by a wooden-jawed Italian nobody. Watch the hero get shot in the leg and later forget about the wound as he runs through the jungle. Another highlight sees a suspiciously perverted character get his leg half chewed off by piranha before being shockingly executed by the group's leader who has no time for wounded people in his party. This same leader later becomes a pin cushion for the cannibals and their blow pipes and has his beating heart devoured by a hungry native. It has to be seen to be believed. Eagle-eyed viewers may spot ZOMBIE HOLOCAUST's Alexandra Delli Colli losing her clothes on the trip through the jungle.Well, as you can see, it's certainly an action-packed and fast-paced film with a lot happening all the time. There's a high dosage of excessive gore and nudity (although never as shocking as in earlier entries) and as an adventure film this manages to be frequently thrilling. It may not be a brilliantly made film, and normal mainstream viewers would likely be put off by the poor editing and bad dubbing. The attempts at characterisation are frankly pathetic and a little digging below the surface will expose just how shallow this movie is... but for fans of cult Italian exploitation films, this is an enjoyable affair and well worth tracking down, and I can safely say that I enjoyed it a darn sight more than most of Lenzi's/Deodato's offerings.

Quite simply one of the single most entertainingly ludicrous and laughable Italian trekking through the jungle cannibal gore action adventure romps that I have ever had the pleasure to see. A plane containing a motley assortment of folks -- the almighty Michael Sopkiw of "2019: After the Fall of New York" fame as our dashing and intrepid bargain basement Indiana Jones-style adventurer hero, a professor and his hottie daughter, a whiny photographer and two gorgeous models, and an obnoxious macho meat-head 'Nam vet and his horrible ugly, overbearing nagging shrew of a wife -- crashlands in the remote and dangerous Brazilian jungle. Our colorfully cardboard protagonists run afoul of both a savage tribe of vicious cannibals and an equally brutish bunch of evil slave traders.Boy, is this blithely trashy picture one delightfully dumb-as-dirt hoot! It contains every last bad film vice (or is that virtue?) you could possibly want to watch in a low-grade piece of absolute unapologetic junk: stiff acting (Sopkiw in particular gives a performance so wooden that you could use it as an ironing board), dreadful dubbing, dire dialogue, a so-cheesy-it's-insidiously-catchy bouncy score, every last cliché you could imagine (a rowdy barrom brawl, a piranha attack followed by a crocodile attack, peril on the roaring rapids, the aforementioned cannibals and slave traders), and lousy direction. Still, it's so incredibly bad that it's loads of top-rate cruddy fun. Better yet, the actresses are very beautiful and take their clothes off quite often. Fetching female lead Suzane Carvalho especially is a major babe with long chestnut brown hair, dark almond eyes, a cute face, and a generously well-proportioned figure she puts on full display with pleasing regularity. This movie is well worth checking out strictly for Suzanne's considerable pulchritude alone.

Some may see the rating I've given Massacre in Dinosaur Valley and think I've lost my mind. I'm fully aware that a 5/10 may be too high. In all honesty, the movie is horrible. Tarantini has crammed the film with every exploitation element and cliché you can think of. Massacre in Dinosaur Valley lacks originality, any semblance of good acting, and anything approaching taste. Technically, the movie doesn't fair much better with some really bad looking special effects and poor editing. But if you can get past all the film's shortcomings (as I did), it's a lot of fun for fans of cheese-filled, Italian exploitation type movies. Maybe I was just in the right frame of mind, but I had a great time with it.Actually, my biggest complaint with the film has nothing to do with the list of previously mentioned problems. My biggest gripe is the "look" of the cannibals. If you've seen Cannibal Holocaust, the Granddaddy of cannibal films, you'll understand what I mean. The cannibal tribes in Cannibal Holocaust look authentic (at least to my untrained eyes). They're dirty, unkempt, and "wild" looking. The cannibals in Massacre in Dinosaur Valley, on the other hand, look like actors. They look like they showered, shaved, and had a fresh haircut on the way to the set. In addition, the cannibal village in Cannibal Holocaust is something completely alien to our modern society. It fits the look of the cannibals. Here, the cannibal village reminded me of one of the headhunter sets from Gilligan's Island. A little more authenticity would have really helped Massacre in Dinosaur Valley.

There should be an old axiom about bad movies, so I'm going to make it. Generally, the worse a movie is, the better it gets (as long as there's some action). Massacre in Dinosaur Valley is one of those movies. By anyone's standards, this is an incredible terrible and incompetent movie, but it's so chocked full of sex, action, and overall fun that there's no way I could find myself not enjoying every second of it. Sleaze director Tarantini obviously couldn't help himself in cashing in on the success of the cannibal genre, throwing in his usual soft-core porn along with it. It may have been more successful in the early 80s, during the cannibal boom, but I digress. Tarantini also incorporates every aspect of the genre with this film: gratuitous nudity as sex (though it's a little heavier than most other cannibal films), great gore, beautiful women, and total cheese in every scene. Overall, it all comes together horribly, but in such a fun way that I dare you to say you didn't find it entertaining.We open with Professor Ibanez and his lusty, busty daughter, Eva, arriving at a hotel. There they meet our hapless hero, Kevin (Michael Sopkiw), whose a paleontologist of sorts. Anyway, the professor's heading to Dinosaur Valley, and lets Kevin come along. They get into a plane with some strange characters: a paranoid Vietnam vet, his ape wife, a photographer, and his two models, Belinda and Monica (who are obviously only there for the sex angle). The plane crashes (of course) in Dinosaur Valley, and several characters die from the crash, or by the hands of piranha and a cannibal tribe. Eva and Belinda are captured by the tribe, and are prepared to be sacrificed to their dinosaur god. Our hero saves them in a wild and totally fun action scene, but, just to show how bad the movie really is, the shotgun he uses is only a nine shot and he fires over twenty times without reloading. After escaping the cannibals, they get caught again by illegal miners and their leader, China. Belinda is killed after being raped by another woman, China has his way with Eva, and Michael escapes in the night. He comes back, frees the slaves, gives China his predictable fate, saves Eva in a rather chauvinistic way, and they fly into the sunset in their stolen helicopter (rather cliché).This movie is sheer exploitation in every aspect and on every level, and the good thing about true sheer exploitation is that there's never a dull moment at any time. There are no morals, ethics, or limits set. Everything goes through the roof in this one, while still staying soft core. Tarantini certainly has the eye for what men like, as the sex/nudity starts in the opening minutes of the film. There are sleazy zoom-ins to the "naughty bits," lesbian rape, and full frontal galore. All of this is deplorably unethical, but who has time for ethics? Then there's the horribly awful disaster part, with the cheesiest plane crash of all time, as well as the worst acting. Well, that's not fair. Michael Sopkiw does a pretty decent job acting and dubbing his character (there's no perfect dub job), but that's not true for everyone else. Then the cannibal genre takes hold, bringing excellent scenes of gore and nudity sleaze (and combinations of both). It calms down after that, but still never strays from action. Once they get captured by the miners, you know whose going to make it and how, but despite being predictable, the movie is so bad anyway that it doesn't really matter. Probably the worst part of the film is the dialogue. While watching it (even after the first time), I always find myself laughing and audibly thinking "People wouldn't really say that!" Either they did a horrible job translating, or Tarantini is the worst screen write on the face of the earth. Not saying that it's completely a bad thing, as it helps with the goofy environment in the rest of the film.Really, the only thing I can say I don't like about this movie is how the cannibal tribe appears, which is almost always a problem in the obscure additions to the cannibal genre. In the "good" cannibal movies, the tribes look dirty, gritty, dirt encrusted, and savage. In this one, it looks like the actors playing the tribe got a shave and a haircut before playing their parts. I always have at least that problem with these movies. Other than that one qualm, I'm perfectly satisfied with Massacre in Dinosaur Valley. The gore, sex, and sleaze is high, and the talent is low, which is a good combination every time. If you swear by Roger Ebert and by good, legitimate classics or even just good adventure films, you'd best stay away. The target here is younger men and their friends watching a neat nudo-film. A couple of drinks and a group is the perfect atmosphere for watching this movie. Proceed at your own risk, but I recommend it every time. Turn the volume up, your brain down, and enjoy exploitation that way it was meant to be.