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The Worst Film Ever

Beautiful, moving film.

Story: It's very simple but honestly that is fine.

Like the great film, it's made with a great deal of visible affection both in front of and behind the camera.

Kathleen Turner plays a wise-cracking and sarcastic private detective whose new boyfriend, Boom-Boom, has been killed in a ship explosion. She ends up taking in his daughter, Kat, and together, they set out to find out who was behind Boom-Boom's murder.Turner is filled with hilarious one-liners and deadpan deliveries, giving the film plenty of humor. There are some good old fashion detective work that keeps the film going at a steady pace.The script was OK and the acting was pretty good, but what's lacking is some needed suspense, unpredictability and thrills. The action is also limited, but, the film overall is still pretty entertaining and fun.Grade B

I had a problem with this film right from the start. It is a problem that I would not have noticed if I had watched it in 1991 when it was released, but being four years old at the time there was not much chance that I had watched it. Watching it in 2012 however may be a problem for some people and it is a problem that will have your mind wandering from the so called plot and onto something else entirely. Those 'some' people though would have to be Friends fans and that is because Kathleen Turner, the lead of this movie, plays Chandler Bing's Dad, yes Dad, in the hit US comedy show. This to me was a major issue as I just couldn't take the actress seriously. When she kissed her on-off boyfriend I couldn't help but think it was two men kissing. Not that it would be an issue if it was two men but I couldn't take the character of VI Warshawski seriously.Before I dig a hole with the stereotype of Mr Kathleen Turner, sorry Mrs Kathleen Turner, I will mention that she is also the voice of Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? This created another problem because she has a really sexy voice. If I closed my eyes I could hear a sexy, long legged, red headed cartoon with huge breasts and when I opened my eyes I would see Chandler Bing's Father. This was a confusing time for me.I'll move on with the film, it isn't good. In fact it is so poorly directed and written that it would have been better doing the Jessica Rabbit, Chandler Bing's Dad cross character, as it would have made this film much more interesting. It was corny and cheesy and most of the acting was absolutely dreadful which made lines that possibly weren't intended on being corny even more corny.The film is about Private Investigator Vicky Warshawski. She meets a man in a bar and later on that night he turns up at her door asking her to look after his daughter. Is that normal behaviour towards someone you've just met? She agrees, he goes off, is murdered and Warshawski intends on solving the mystery. She involves the daughter and they head off on a girl beats man mission. Every line is a comment to chauvinistic men. 'Us girls should stick together', that kind of poor dialogue.The plot is a complete wash over and everything is just far too easy. There is no investigating what so ever and the first clue they receive seems to be the only one they need, as the case was obvious from the very first minute. I thought an investigation film needed to keep the viewer in the dark and spring an unbelievable surprise right at the end. Obviously not. The action scenes are dull. A boat chase where nothing happens and a final shoot out which just sucks. The only good thing from the film was the array of actors that you will see in films and programmes of today. We have a scientist from The Day After Tomorrow, a cop from Dog Day Afternoon, the small stupid pirate from Pirates Of The Caribbean, the caretaker of the building in Friends and Wayne Knight, the man who gets spat in the face by a dinosaur in Jurassic Park. There is also a cameo from the Ghostbusters's building, I'm sure of it.At least this review has come to something. It has reminded us of all the other decent films out there that are a hundred times better than this one. I seem to have mentioned more films unrelated to this one than I have the one I'm reviewing. By all accounts Warshawski was a series of detective novels that portrayed the character completely differently to how she is portrayed by the film makers. Perhaps it could have been a better film if some reading of the novels had been done, but that clearly hadn't happened. I'll sum up V.I. Warshawski in three words; don't bother watching. 1 / 5Tolli Check out more reviews at: www.tolli-movieworld.blogspot.com Follow me @Tolli04

V.I. Warshawski is set in Chicago where female private detective V.I. Warshawski (Kathleen Turner) meets ex-hockey player Bernard 'Boom-Boom' Grafalk (Stephen Meadows), they quickly fall for each other & as a favour Warshawski agrees to look after Bernard's 13 year old daughter Kat (Angela Goethals) while he confronts his two brothers about dodgy business dealings at their shipping yard. Later that night at the docks a tug boat explodes & Bernard caught in the blast is killed, Kat hires Warshawski to find out who killed her father. Warshawski starts with Bernard's brother's & business partners Trumble (Charles McCaughan) & Horton (Frederick Coffin), soon Warshawski is feeling heat from the local police & the local mobsters as someone doesn't want her to find out the truth...Directed by Jeff Kanew this simplistic comedy thriller based on the V.I. Warshawski novels by Sara Paretsky really is as bad as everyone says, in fact this has to be one of the worst big budget Hollywood thrillers of all time & lets face it there's some strong competition out there. The script apparently took three people to write it, Edward Taylor, David Aaron Cohen along with Nick Thiel & one has to say that for such a by-the-numbers unimaginative film that amazes me. With the collective thoughts of three screenwriters why did V.I. Warshawski turn out to be so bad? Who knows, who cares. The plot is no more complicated or clever than a simple murder mystery in which the killers motive is no more original or imaginative that money, it really is as simple as that. There are no twists, there are no clever red herrings or subplots & the whole story is just the most dumbed down collection of thriller clichés you can think of. I was waiting for some sort of clever twist, some amazing plot development but this film has less intelligence & fewer surprises than the average Scooby-Doo episode. Then of course there's the unbearably unfunny & frankly embarrassing attempts at comedy, from the expected comedy relief bad guy & his goons to someone constantly mispronouncing Warshawski's name to all the sexual innuendo fuelled jokes ('she can handle my hose anytime' or 'your a female dick' sums up the sophistication of, or rather lack of, this film) which are so unfunny it hurts. The one-liners aren't funny, the dialogue isn't funny, the zero dimensional character's aren't funny & to top everything off there's a hugely annoying & irritating child actor just to grate on your nerves even more & make you hate yourself for watching it. There's no two ways about it & there's no nice way to put it, V.I. Warshawski is quite possibly the worst crime thriller I have ever seen, period.Director Kanew turns in an alright looking film, it's competently made but not exactly stylish & the whole one action scene is very flat & unexciting. Basically it's two boats speeding along a river with Warshawski & Kat in one & a couple of bad guy's in the other, that's it, that's the films big action moment. Two boats on a river that never meet or touch. Lame. You know something, I am really struggling to find anything positive to say about this film, I really am. I suppose if you find Kathleen Turner sexy you might like this otherwise I suggest you give it a wide berth. This flopped big time at the box-office when originally released which was probably down to bad word of mouth, the fact it was crap & most people not even being able to pronounce the title V.I. Warshawski let alone know what it meant. According to the IMDb Turner did her own stunts & ended up breaking her nose while shooting this & the producer Jeff Lurie currently owns the Philedelphia Eagles.Technically the film is reasonably well made but lacks any style & is instantly forgettable on all counts. Although set in Chicago the film was shot partly in Chicago & Los Angeles. The acting is pretty poor all round, Turner was in it for the money probably & felt a big Hollywood action film might do her career some good...V.I. Warshawski is a truly awful film, I really don't know how else to describe this dreadfully unfunny thriller that tries to be clever & funny but just ends up anything but. A turkey. Big Style.

V.I Warshawski is like some cheesy crime thriller novel that was made into a movie. I couldn't get into it or feel anything for the characters. V.I Warshawski was made 5 years too late cause the eighties were full of this. 3/10