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Undescribable Perfection

Strong and Moving!

Beautiful, moving film.

Through painfully honest and emotional moments, the movie becomes irresistibly relatable

Some decent kills completely ruined by horrible acting, dialog and lame attempts at humor. Avoid this one unless its just to goof on.

"Lumberjack Man" is a weird, boring stab at a horror comedy that is unsuccessful.Of course it's not in the least funny, but how many comedies are?The fact is that the comedic moments, if that's what they are, are handled so badly that they merely become confusing.It's not enough to throw in a joke here and there. There's also the matter of tone which allows a person to actually identify the joke and (maybe) laugh at it. "Lumberjack Man" has no tone. Nor does it really have a sense of place - the "summer camp" setting for both horror movies (Friday the 13th and its infinite number of rip-offs) and comedies (Meatballs, Happy Campers) for the filmmakers to have some idea of how to present it. But they don't. It feels like most of the action takes place a few miles from the camp anyway. This vague sense of place doesn't help.The movie is, of course, also not scary in the least; it doesn't even really try to be, which is not a problem because no one sees a slasher movie expecting scares. What is a problem is the villain. I don't know what they were going for, but it's one of the least memorable villains I've ever seen in a slasher. It's the typical massive stunt man (and being big does not equal scary) with a face like a block of wood.The explanation for the killer's presence and how to do away with it is, I guess, where the humour comes in. Michael Madsen gives a monologue, complete with an animated sequence, to provide an explanation so moronically bizarre and out of step with everything else in the movie that I couldn't bare to pay attention. It has something to do with pancakes and syrup?This is where the problem with the tone comes in: it's nowhere near ridiculous enough to absorb a sequence like this into the rest of the movie. It doesn't make you laugh at the ridiculousness: it makes you shake your head at the weirdness, and then, of course, you wonder what the filmmakers were thinking, or if they were. You start trying to formulate explanations for how the movie went so wrong.The ending, where this stupid origin story comes into play, is as badly done as you'd expect. I didn't know what was supposed to have happened, but I did know, with one hundred percent certainty, that it had no hope at all of ever being presented cinematically by the people who made this movie.The movie does have quite a bit of nudity (all breast shots). It does the typical thing of having multiple pretty, likable actresses, none of whom provide the above shots. And, weirdly, when the ladies do disrobe, the movie turns into a sexy music video with different music, lighting, dancing. Of course, this only distracts you.As for the "kills", one is fairly memorable: the camp manager is cut in half at the waist, and watches his lower body run away from him.

Clocking in at an hour and 45 minutes, Lumberjack Man is way too long for a slasher flick. I never thought I'd say this, but it's a case of "too much tits, not enough gore." The film's filler time is devoted to sexual content to the point of over-saturation. There's a scene where two campers watch a counselor strip, dance, and rub lotion on herself for what feels like ten minutes. It especially becomes evident towards the end, the final confrontation dragging on and on. It accentuated the character's stupidity with every pitiful attempt at comedy.Every scene is extended to either prolong on-screen nudity or exaggerate comedic delivery. Speaking of which...Despite being a horror comedy, the movie's humor is hit-or-miss. Most of the jokes are overly-long, sexual, and reliant on absurdity. It gets repetitive quickly. Most of my laughs came from the kills, of which some were quite funny and inventive, but they were few and far between. Which is a shame because the cast is larger than most camp slashers.I also had a lot of problems with the characters. Bumbling, annoying and unlikable.It's technically functional, sure, but that does nothing to fix how insipid this movie is. In short, Lumberjack Man is an unbalanced, lukewarm, boring film, inferior to other horror comedy films. I suggest skipping it and watching The Final Girls, Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, Behind the Mask, Severance, Stage Fright, or Club Dread.

Instead of taking the usual stalk and slash formula, Josh Bear decided to take the black comedy route in another 'After Dark' ''classic.'' You won't get many laughs, if any at all, or anything that resembles a decent horror film, but you will get a decent supply of nudity, bad acting, and random dialogue, that doesn't seem to fit, well, anywhere.Unlike Jason Voorhees, 'Lumberjack Man's' main purpose for slicing and dicing innocent, young, terrible actors/actresses, is that he lacks the right type of topping for his Paul Bunyan sized flap jacks (and yes, he carries them around while he's doing his nasty deeds.) I can honestly tell you, that there isn't a single funny moment in the film, much less frightening. It'll just leave you with a dumbfounding look on your face, wondering how this garbage found a distributor. Michael Madsen has always been one dimensional, but that one role that he's capable of playing, landed him in a few good films throughout the years. Now, it seems that he either has a few bad habits, or 20 kids to support, because he's just trying to soak in as many paychecks that he can. However, for a director like Josh Bear, Michael Madsen still probably holds enough weight with some of us, to get 'Lumberjack Man' at least some recognition. Random Ramblings of a Madman: There's nothing much to say about 'Lumberjack Man.' It's not supposed to be serious, or good. So, I guess Josh Bear got the last laugh, after all.