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Awesome Movie

Am i the only one who thinks........Average?

At first rather annoying in its heavy emphasis on reenactments, this movie ultimately proves fascinating, simply because the complicated, highly dramatic tale it tells still almost defies belief.

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

This movie makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever. Errors in geography was bad enough, there were scenes that just had no point. At the very beginning we witness the heist of a massive diamond. The bad guys show up with an arsenal of weapons but use a black smoke and knock out gas to take down the crowd. Then they fire only one shot from a shotgun which is never explained. Did they kill someone? No. They just stole the big diamond and walked away.Next we see Mike Gold played by Brandon Lee meeting a German scientist in Cuba on the beach. The hammy acting and fake accents are horrid. The fight choreography is terrible. There is a fight in a room full of weapons (swords, axes, etc.) between Gold and Eckhardt, but they use hand combat and fight right out of the room and on to the roof. This is where both fall and the bad guy loses. Then a ninja attacks Gold from the bushes. Earlier in the Cuban desert... Gold and his girlfriend are attacked by a man riding a small white pony. Alissa played by Debi Monahan, picks up the attacker's sword and never uses it to defend herself. It is a weapon, when you are under attack and hunted by bad guys you keep those handy. Who sends their hit men out into the desert to look for people?Meanwhile two henchmen Mañuel and Sgt. Roberta, who work for the head bad guy Kalishnakov, provide the comedy relief. They even have a scene where Mañuel notices Sgt. Roberta is a female due to her wet t-shirt. They first appeared in the Cuban area but since a border was crossed during the movie they must have ended up in some other part of Cuba where they were forced to work in a Cuban diamond mine.At the point when that ninja attacked, I assumed this script was written by some three year old boy. I halfway expected the movie to end with his mother calling him in from his sandbox for his dinner. The plot is chaotic and random like some one was just pulling cards out of a hat with worn out action scenes written on them. I gave the movie 2 stars for Brandon Lee. He must have been desperate for an acting job to have landed in this turkey.

Michael Gold, mercenary on behalf of the CIA, gets the assignment to arrest a scientist by the name of Prof. Braun, because Braun is going to develop a laser weapon with unimaginable destructive potential. The KGB is also interested in Brauns invention, so a wild chase after the professor is set in motion. "Laser Mission" uses plot and action elements reminiscent of the stereotypical Euro-Spy films of the 60s, in which dashing Bond imitators are rushing after some technical gadgets or secret formulas to prevent the "other side" from getting their hands on it. The only problem is that "Laser Mission", unfortunately, is a lot more boring than most of the colorful but somewhat naïve spy adventures from the heyday of European epigonic cinema. The absurd plot of the film, "refurbished" with some goofy humor, the inept actors and the clumsy amateurish action sequences become more and more annoying. The almost permanently used, unbearable song "Mercenary Man" by soft-rocker David Knopfler does not help the film either. Maybe there was not enough money to pay him for a complete score. The only bright spot in the whole dreary mumbo-jumbo is the late great German actor Werner Pochath, who plays his small part as villain "Eckhardt" with his usual intensity. Brandon Lee is running around all the time in a white undershirt and thus he is sitting in a briefing at the embassy of the USA, surrounded by blasé bureaucrats in business suits. An absurd sight.Laser Mission is an abstruse, uninvolvingly staged movie with no redeeming value. So bad that it is no longer good. In Germany the film was released in an uncut (84"45 Minutes/PAL) FSK 18 version and also sold in a cut to 79 minutes FSK 16 version.

Well… "Laser Mission" is obviously not a good film. But, Brandon Lee does show what good breeding can do for a man. And, Debi Monahan does show what good cleavage can do for a woman. The low-cut blue dress Ms. Monahan wears on her date with Mr. Lee makes its points. She keeps it on for almost the entire movie. You also get a lot of fighting, shooting, and Ernest Borgnine."Kidnapped by Soviet agents, Professor Braun (Borgnine) is forced to work on a powerful laser weapon that could be used to enslave the world," according to the DVD synopsis, "The CIA decides to send agents Michael Gold (Lee) and Alissa (Monahan) into Cuba to retrieve the scientist and a cache of diamonds being used to build the weapon." The soundtrack, by David Knopfler, is rare and well done.*** Laser Mission (11/89) B.J. Davis ~ Brandon Lee, Debi Monahan, Ernest Borgnine, Graham Clarke

Guns, corny scenes and cleavage. Absolutely one of the best camp action movies out there! So filled with clichés, bad acting and... blatant racism? Even if the main villains are white Nazis, about 90 percent of their henchmen are black men who suffer terrible deaths in close-up shots. (South-African contribution to the film?)Usually camp films are made with serious intent, but I got a strong feeling that this was made with a tongue in cheek. Then again, almost all action films are made that way, so it is hard to tell.Although the movie is great fun, it is best enjoyed with sufficient amounts of intoxicating beverages and salty snacks.