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Don't Believe the Hype

It’s sentimental, ridiculously long and only occasionally funny

It's the kind of movie you'll want to see a second time with someone who hasn't seen it yet, to remember what it was like to watch it for the first time.

One of the film's great tricks is that, for a time, you think it will go down a rabbit hole of unrealistic glorification.

I didn't read up on this film before watching it and, going on the title alone, expected a stylish fight flick starring an assortment of Asian hotties. What I actually got was quite different—a 'pink' film chock full of bizarre sleaze, but with only a modicum of battling babes. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, because I find weird Japanese sexploitation flicks easily as entertaining as trashy action films, if not more so!This particular slice of eastern deviancy stars Kyôko Hashimoto as 18-year old Mirai Asamiya, whose father has trained her from birth to help him exact revenge on the well-endowed man who stole his wife. Armed with a variety of unorthodox weapons (including a ball-shaped vibrator on a rope equipped with a telescopic penis!) and the ability to perform the 'velvet crush', an act which can render a man impotent, Mirai enrols at the school where her mother and her lover oversee an operation which sells the school's bad students as sex slaves to politicians.Packed full of extremely raunchy action, much of which would have entered XXX territory if it hadn't been for the careful placement of a knicker gusset to prevent it from being too graphic, this is some seriously hot stuff, but it is the film's more unorthodox elements that really make this one a really memorable experience: Mirai's high-tech chastity belt; the stuffed bird inexplicably perched on headmaster Bush's shoulder; nerdy student Yuka's sudden transformation into a leather clad, chain wielding killer dyke; the truant officer who uses a rotating sex-toy to torture his girls; and the patently fake, red rubber stunt appendages standing in for male members.

Fairly mundane English title for yet another extraordinary 'pink'. I got a bit confused now and again as to who was doing what to whom and why, but that's not particularly unusual for me and takes nothing away from the joy of watching open mouthed. Most spirited outing, this from director Mototsugo Watanabe, made with lots of style and more than a little nerve. Lots of sexy and vigorous flesh scenes and whilst most of the earlier part of the film is fun and frolics it gets much darker later. Indeed, fairly harmless though this must sound, featuring battling schoolgirls, by the end we have had lots of consensual sex, a fair bit that's not, bondage, whipping, a rather unusual and lively penis substitute that goes everywhere and somehow I have managed not to mention that which is at the very heart of the movie and is centred between our heroine's legs. Just beware, it bites!

Mirai is a young girl who is sent by her father to a new girls' school as punishment for taking off her chastity belt and...(you'll see). There she discovers that the corrupt teachers are locking unruly students away and use them as sex toys for politicians. With the help of another student, a few useful gadgets, and the powerful "venus crush" technique (you'll see), she is out to stop this once and for all. A very cheaply made (apparently this school has about 3 students and 2 teachers!), sometimes amusingly over-the-top, sometimes jaw-droppingly graphic (though some of the "props" - you'll see - are laughably fake) sex spoof, this film will probably appeal to a small devoted audience, but anyone looking for action (not such an unreasonable expectation, it is called "Sexy BATTLE Girls", after all) is advised to look elsewhere. One memorable scene of a girl trapping a guy's head between her thighs, though. ** out of 4.