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How sad is this?

Good concept, poorly executed.

A film with more than the usual spoiler issues. Talking about it in any detail feels akin to handing you a gift-wrapped present and saying, "I hope you like it -- It's a thriller about a diabolical secret experiment."

This is one of the few movies I've ever seen where the whole audience broke into spontaneous, loud applause a third of the way in.

I absolutely loved this movie. Let me explain: I was 6 at the time ('81), and much of the production technology we have today didn't exist. Therefore my willingness to suspend disbelief was far greater. I was also not yet wise to such formulaic Hollywood devices as pointless chase scenes and badly scripted romances. I guess I would recommend watching this movie high on enough drugs to reduce you to the mindset of a 6 year old, and then you should be fine.

if your first reaction upon seeing 'Heartbeeps' is HUH? you're probably more than justified. even if you don't find this movie appealing in a cutesy-poo, charm sort of way, you'll probably still find it a little off the wall and more than a bit absurd.besides the usual babyish, sentimental group that always gets hooked into popular schmaltz, and i've met many of those, some of us get hooked into this for the pure peculiarity of the story. as any fan of this cult comedy knows, it's about a couple of silly little robots who decide to run away and start a family together. i can't really tell you exactly what the appeal is to this, but for me, it kind of reads like some kind of live action Filmation cartoon from the seventies. it's pretty innocuous and silly stuff. but for some of us the appeal is strong and obviously with most, on a intuitive feeling level.Andy Kaufman's style of comedy was fairly idiosyncratic, personalized and individual to a point of egomaniacal. he was a young man suddenly thrown into the spotlight, like so many young performers, and either he had too many ideas, or knew too little what to do with all the attention, because all fame seemed to do was make Kaufman retreat more inwardly and become, at times, almost incomprehensible. i enjoy Kaufman but i can't always say i get him half the time. he was a very hard celebrity to make a actor out of because his performance skills were so different and hard to place in just anything.i can't imagine a better film for Kaufman than 'Heartbeeps'. the role seems tailored for his eccentricity. not to mention he seems eerily robotic and unreal in his role as Val the house Bot. i also can't imagine a better leading lady for him than the incredible Bernadette Peters. Peters is aways pure gem and she herself is a very individualized talent. without her and Kaufman this film would have been impossible.there's also a couple of funny cameos by 'Rock'n Roll' high school stars Woronov and Bartell. they don't have much to do, but they are hilarious as spoiled rich, yuppie-types who are perplexed by the robots who crash their party.this quaint movie memorabilia reads a little like 'Wizard of Oz', meets artificial intelligence meets Woody Allen's 'Sleeper' or something like that. whatever, it's amusing sci-fi comedy stuff. the only real cliché here though, is to call this little movie a enigma. no kidding. you think. a lot of people will probably find this movie hard to get used to because of it's kookiness. for other's, like myself, the real enigma is why this film is so appealing i just can't resist it. that's the part that kind of perplexes me.

OK, first, to all the haters: Get a life! I don't see why you even bother to post on these boards, when obviously you know nothing about cinema, robots, or people. This movie has an important lessons for all of us to learn about gender, stereotypes, relationships, and DESTINY. Really, we are all robots, programmed to respond certain ways to certain stimuli without thinking. How many times have we seen a sunset and made some trite comment without even thinking about it? I say, THANK YOU Aqua (brilliantly played by Bernadette Peters) for making me stop and think about the awesome power of mother nature. It's only when Val and Aqua begin to reject their programming that they begin to understand their true desire--to find love, and to flee the factory in search of a creative life. This movie should be mandatory viewing in prisons--just think of the dreams and hopes it could inspire in the inmates. maybe even they could overcome their "bad" programming and join the rest of us in a crime-free world.We can all learn a lot from these robots. I am a better person for Heartbeeps.

The film had NO help at all, promotion-wise: if there was an advertising promo on TV or radio, I didn't see/hear it. The only newspaper ad I saw was on it's opening weekend: a dingy, sludgy B & W head-shot photo of Andy as Val-Com, behind jail bars, with headline: "WANTED! Runaway Robot!" ( which was also the poster in front of the 3 movie theaters I saw it at --NOT the nice little color poster on this site, with headshots of all the cast, and cartoon of Crimebuster --which really wasn't THAT good--they OUGHT to have used an action scene from the film itself--didn't they have an onset photographer? A poster is supposed to HELP a prospective audience decide if they want to SEE the movie--there were SO many people who couldn't get into their sold-out choice, and wanted to know WHAT Heartbeeps was about--and that poster didn't help! That dingy pic, and the only other photos supplied to papers were so indistinguishable in B & W that they were worthless. ) There was NO trailer for the film: only a slide at one theater, consisting of the word "Heartbeeps" inside a heart-shape, with a Cupid's arrow through it, and one that was a totally black picture: just Andy and Bernadette's voices saying "Val-Com! My pleasure center is malfunctioning!" "So is mine; do you think we ought to tell our owners?" THAT is no help to people who hadn't been aware of the movie.During the filming, Andy told reporters that he couldn't eat, once his plastic lips were applied, so he would "load up on breakfast, and fast" during the day's shoot. I don't know WHAT Bernadette did: but at the time, I'd wondered why they didn't just sip protein drinks through long straws, or eat astronaut-style puréed food via tubes? Phil-Co, the baby robot, seemed to have been the pre-curser to Short Circuit's Johnny-Five, with the same eyes, similar face. I've been trying to find if they had the same designer, but no help. I have vintage magazine articles about the film, and the design team was immensely proud of their work, and were going for a special award for their innovative device to create stenchless "smoke" for Catskill's cigars. Just shortly thereafter, LucasFilm did NOT use that device, though they OUGHT to have, for Return of the Jedi's scenes with Jabba the Hut: a man created "steam" around Jabba, by blowing cigar smoke into a tube, joking that all he needed was a glass of brandy, and he'd be a happy man. I thought that LucasFilm's using of real tobacco products was insensitive to people who were upset by smoke. John Williams, who had then recently succeeded the late, great Arthur Fielder as the maestro of the Boston Pops ( which was THEN a ratings hit--but it never recovered from Fielder's death, and is now a shadow of it's former glory ), was using the show to promote films with which he supplied the music. He'd premiered "The Empire Strikes Back" score there; and you would think he'd have helped Heartbeeps along, by playing a few numbers there? The one thing that critics had liked of this film was Williams' score--yet it was NOT available for purchase! I saw one vinyl album, in 1982, with half Heartbeeps, half another film--but it disappeared. I only just tonight saw the CD listed on THIS site, and have ordered it. If I can ever get a scanner, and time to type out the articles, I'd like to create a Heartbeeps tribute site. I liked the movie, and don't care what dissenters say! The only trouble with the film, was, that near the end, it was messed up, logic-wise: the robots ran away from the factory to have the freedom to decide their own fate, make their own choices; yet, when the junkyard owners tell them that Phil needs to go TO the factory, to have a "purpose" programmed into him, they don't even question it; they just glance meaningfully at each other, and they go. Along the way, each of the adults lose battery power, and "die." They aren't REALLY dead, as they are robots, and only need new batteries, yet it is treated as "death," with little Phil crying over them, and rolling away. So, what was the POINT of this? Phil never gets back to the factory, and gets "a purpose!" AND of course, the junkyard owners COULD'VE driven them, or given them all battery recharges, with back-up batteries; but the real point was to have this poignant scene, where the robots all wore down, and Phil is left to cry. At the end, Val-Com is a golf instructor, and Aqua-Com is --I'm not sure what. Catskill is an ENTERTAINER--what ELSE is HE supposed to be? I'm not sure that they made it clear. The junkyard owners seem to be taking it easy, lying on chaise lounges, drinking lemonade from Phil, their "bartender." Val's and Aqua's new "daughter," Philsia--I think the name is--maybe it's Sylvania--doesn't seem to be much more than a table lamp. There is missing footage, which is sad--from photos I surmise that the stuff missing includes a sweet scene, where Phil is having a Christmas, with Val gifting him with a car's steering wheel; Aqua is supplying a horn; Catskill has taken the firefighter helmet to give to Phil, as we saw; and they have Christmas trees. I don't know if any missing footage supplies better logic, or if the writers just couldn't think of a better crisis/resolution. The film was trimmed to 72-75 minutes, to pair it with other failing films. No other reason than that. For a DVD, I would LOVE to be in on creating, as I want to see interviews with the cast/crew and John Williams, and the Merv Griffin interview. The making-of footage; and reediting and restoring the missing footage to make it better.