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I love this movie so much

It is neither dumb nor smart enough to be fun, and spends way too much time with its boring human characters.

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

It is an exhilarating, distressing, funny and profound film, with one of the more memorable film scores in years,

"Painted Lady" is perfectly dreadful television fare. Don't waste your time with it. Plot strands, sometimes pretty and other times gritty, fly off in every direction without the slightest resolution. Characters -- a boy in the bath, street thugs, art dealers with Italian accents, restorers, purveyors of rough trade, even a dog -- come and go. The film begins as a British police investigatory, mind you, but the cops fail to properly investigate what should be an absurdly easy murder to solve. They are out of it by the second reel. (Where is Hercule Poirot when you need him!) Helen Mirren, unconvincing as a retired rocker with a pin in the side of her nose, is also unconvincing as a Polish noblewoman in disguise. She fails to save it. And the credits roll.Mirren's character, you see, lives off the largesse of Sir Charles Stafford, the aged -- and debt-burdened -- proprietor of a great house somewhere in the British Isles. One night, while she lolls with a boy toy, Stafford is killed in what appears to be the heist of an Old Master hanging in the hall. The audience immediately knows who done it and why. For reasons known only to the scriptwriter, Mirren hides Stafford's gun from the police, reconnects with Stafford's wayward son, and sets out to recover the painting, which may or may not exist.The audience is treated to a good bit of art history and one of those plummy high-stakes art auctions, but it is all pointless. Nothing happens. Nothing makes sense. And Mirren's song lyrics are just awful. "Painted Lady" is "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" light. Watch something else.

A break-in and robbery sets in motion the unfolding of a plot, and reveals unexpected secrets. That's about the briefest and least spoiler-filled description of what goes on in this I can provide. The story is impeccable, and immensely well-told. This is two episodes, both of about 100 minutes, so almost three hours and twenty all put together, and it's not boring for a second. The pacing is spot-on. Uncovering the mystery is interesting and keeps you watching, as does the genuine suspense that is built up expertly well in this. The sense of humor helps, as well, never letting this get too dark, and not being overdone or getting in the way of the overall serious tone, in spite of having a couple of entire sequences that are really, really funny. All of the acting performances are beyond reproach, if I don't necessarily fully accept Mirren as a former musician with the loose life-style that implies(no, the facial piercing didn't entirely sell it). That's probably mainly because I'm used to seeing her portray more dignified, in control women, anyway. The dialog is fantastic, memorable and clever, and writing as well as delivery are sharp as a prime quality razor-blade's edge. Cinematography and editing are magnificent, and not just "for a TV piece". Production value is high. This is rather credible, intelligent and entertaining, throughout. There is relatively brief nudity, some language and a bit of bloody violence. I recommend this to any fan of anyone who helped make it, British cinema and/or crime-dramas. 8/10

The incomparable Helen Mirren is washed-up blues singer Maggie Sheridan, living on an estate in Ireland where she has been rescued from heroin addiction by faithful childhood friend Sebastian Stafford (a beautiful performance by Iain Glen).When we meet her Maggie has been vegetating in semi-retirement on the estate in a guest cottage for some ten years. We see her finishing recording a demo with a (much younger) local Irish musician, and they are about to take a dip in the bath together when gunshots are heard across the grounds. It seems there has been a theft of paintings owned by the Staffords, with tragic consequences. From there writer Cubitt has Maggie trekking across Ireland, England, and New York in search of paintings and criminals; and with the very reluctant help of her art dealer sister and brother-in-law, posing as an international art dealer.Maggie is 50 years old without family or husband, but at turns remarkably charming, debauched, and courageous - a fascinating character. And what Cubitt has given us (and Mirren) is an unforgettable portrait of a woman who risks her life for those she considers family, and what she considers home.

This movie is totally worth watching, buying and keeping. Helen Mirren is just extraordinary and the plot is outstanding. You'll be caught in the plot from start to finish in one of the most intriguing and exciting mysteries ever put on the screen. Magnificent!