Watch Beware! The Blob For Free

Wow! Such a good movie.

The movie's not perfect, but it sticks the landing of its message. It was engaging - thrilling at times - and I personally thought it was a great time.

There are moments that feel comical, some horrific, and some downright inspiring but the tonal shifts hardly matter as the end results come to a film that's perfect for this time.

The movie is wonderful and true, an act of love in all its contradictions and complexity

The Blob from 1958 is back, courtesy of pipe-layer Godfrey Cambridge who collected the killer substance at the North Pole and brought it back home to have it examined (he's the Blob's fourth victim, following a housefly, a kitten and his unsuspecting wife). Actor Larry Hagman, who had previously directed a few episodes from TV shows, makes his feature directorial debut here--it was also his last such effort for the movies (for which we can probably be thankful). One suspects Hagman might have taken on this low-budget, low-brow project just to get his directing resume kick-started, yet he shows absolutely no talent for the job. The Blob looks better dripping down from the roof of a car than it does bobbling up to a farmhouse or sitting dead still in the middle of the road. Hagman tries keeping the scenario light, with joshing segues to overzealous scout master Dick Van Patten and a naked guy on the run after the Blob invaded his bathroom. Still, the cast of familiar character actors looks mighty embarrassed, and there's nothing very clever about the dialogue, the plot or the finale. * from ****

Okay, if you're tired of the same old thing... I'm giving this a '10' rating because, as I mention in the title, this is a time capsule that is required viewing for students of 60s and 70s film. It was filmed and written by a couple of spoiled Hollywood kids who maybe received a 'C' for poor camera work and writing, and no direction. Fortunately for the world, these two never wrote another filmed screenplay. However, these kid's parents knew a lot of talented people, and it's fun to see them goof off in their sad class project. Shirley without Laverne, Robert Walker who was alien boy 'Charlie' on Star Trek OS, classic black comic Godfrey Cambridge, classic Jewish comic Shelley Berman, Sid Haig (devil's rejects), Dick Van Patten ('Spaceballs'), Gwynne Gilford ('CHiPs'), and do you know Del Close? You should find out, and see him here in a short improv next to Burgess Meredith and Larry Hagman as drunk hobos about to meet their demise. Really lame jello blob effects and one take footage at a Hollywood cocktail party.

There are so many things to like about Larry Hagman's "Beware! The Blob!" it will difficult to put it into a biblical context, but I will try. Overall, the movie seems to be retelling the story of the Old Testament with various allusions to the Qur'an and that Tao of Winnie the Pooh book – the film is so richly textured, that at least half a viewing is required to fully absorb all the story has to offer.The movie begins with an attractive black couple enjoying some time alone in their unassuming California home. The man appears to be some sort of beer-loving pipelayer while his wife is a nature-loving kitten freak. This house is the location of the genesis of the blob and the couple stupidly uncorks the canister containing the curious crimson goo. We watch as a creepy little cat crawls onto a counter courting the canister as if it were another feline. You want to scream at the kitten to leave that damn stuff alone, but alas, not only is the cat probably dead by now (the film was made in the 1970's) but he is on the other side of the TV screen AND he probably only understands "meow" – the preferred language of cats.While one's initial analysis of the opening scene fits the stereotype that black people are the first to die in horror films, a closer look reveals that this couple is in fact an embodiment of the biblical Babylonians! The man lives in a pup-tent in his living room stacking beer can after beer can as he gets slowly inebriated: he is building a modern version of the tower of Babel. And the man is rather rotund, not unlike a Goliath. But who will slay this Goliath and teach him that he has taken science too far? Admittedly, there really is no David in the film unless you view the Blob as David which is silly since he has no slingshot. Nevertheless, something said "let there be light" and the blob comes out devouring the cat, then the lovely wife, and then the pipelayer.At this point, it should be mentioned that Dick Van Patten represents the wandering Jew in this film. His New York accent seems out-of-place as he leads a group of rambunctious scouts to seemingly nowhere. You feel like he may of killed his brother as a youth (like Cain did unto Abel) and has been sentenced to wander for the rest of days…until he meets Christian justice in the form of a red blood. Yes, I think the blob may represent Christian justice although it doesn't seem to carry those fancy shields that the Crusaders had. It should also be added that the wandering Jew is a Christian myth born from their medieval anti-Semitism. Why they had to create a red blob to overtake L.A. is beyond me.The protagonists of the film are Lisa and Bobby, an attractive young couple who anger the local capitalist (read Pontius Pilate) and never have sex. This is an important detail as everyone knows that having sex in a horror movie spells certain death. I'm pretty sure they represent Noah and his wife and they are trying to gather townspeople to fight the Blob. So perhaps the Blob is neither David nor a crusader, but a flood: a flood of red pudding stuff that requires that Lisa and Bobby get in their jeep and go to a bowling alley/ice rink to save Los Angeles.The best scene in the movie is the homoerotic haircut that is cut short by the Blob. This obviously proves that the Bible hates gay people (if Leviticus wasn't enough).All in all, there is little need for Church or Sunday school if parents would just expose their kids to this movie. It really is a moving moral tale of two American kids doin' the best that they can. Hopefully, a sequel is forthcoming but it has been about forty years, so probably not. Larry Hagman's masterpiece may be his role on Dallas, but his directorial magic is evident is this thrilling old testimonial.

Yes, this is a horror spoof and a seventies horror spoof at that. It is loaded with some big(okay, fairly big Hollywood names like Cindy Williams, Burgess Meredith, Carol Lynley, Larry Hagman, and others) in cameos and somewhat meatier roles. It has a feel that is directly not going for screams but laughter, but all I could muster and muffle were yawns. Director Larry Hagman chose wisely to essentially give up directing and act. There are scenes that are so dark you barely can see Burgess Meredith in his short cameo(and I might add one of the highlights of the film for me). Other scenes are even darker. The music seems to have no relationship to what is going on screen most of the time. The acting, despite having a young Gwynne Gilford and Robert Walker as leads, seems wooden and forced - particularly from Walker as well as some of the cameos. A few of the actors eat and chew their scenes with vigor: Dick Van Patten as a scout master, Godfrey Cambridge as the man who is responsible for the Blob(the monster ravaging the town in the script rather than the man responsible for this blob of a mess), Shelley Berman in a weird scene as a barber, and character actor Richard Stahl really biting off a large piece of scenery as a bowling alley owner. Stahl is the best thing in this film. The story is ludicrous as we go from one in-transitioned scene into another. Look, I know it is for fun, but a movie like this can be fun to watch too. This one certainly wasn't that for me.