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Simply Perfect

Must See Movie...

A Masterpiece!

The movie turns out to be a little better than the average. Starting from a romantic formula often seen in the cinema, it ends in the most predictable (and somewhat bland) way.

The Toy Box (1971)** 1/2 (out of 4)Donna (Ann Myers) and Ralph (Sean Kenney) attend another one of Uncle's parties where he has people perform weird sex acts in exchange for getting to pick out a prize from "the toy box." At this party however it's quite different because Uncle is dead and the sex acts are going on around his body. Soon party members start to turn up dead.THE TOY BOX was originally released by Harry Novak and it eventually founds itself on DVD thanks to those great folks at Something Weird Video. I'm not going to sit here and call this a must-see or a masterpiece but if you're a fan of the bizarre then you'll certainly want to check it out. The film has an ultra low-budget but at the same time there's no question that it has a weird atmosphere as well as an early mix of sex, nudity, drugs and various horror elements.As far as the sexploitation goes, there's plenty of naked people messing around here as well as some really beautiful women. There's a mass orgy going on so you've got a lot of people running around naked and there are some nicely erotic moments throughout. One of the highlights happens early on when the virgin Donna pleases herself with a dildo. As far as the horror elements go, they're not the greatest in the world but we've got that low-budget atmosphere, a meat clever murder as well as plenty of fog to go around.THE TOY BOX has one major sin and that's the fact that it clocks in at 89-minutes, which is way too long for this type of film. There's really not much of a story so the film drags very badly at spots. Still, the bizarre atmosphere makes it worth sitting through.

Swingers Ralph (the smoothly sleazy Sean Kenney) and Donna (buxom and fetching blonde Ann Perry) are invited to a wild midnight party held at a remote castle by Uncle (tubby creep Jack King), a portly pervert who pays depraved folks to fornicate in front of him. Despite the fact that Uncle has apparently died, an uninhibited anything-goes orgy transpires anyway as the distinction between reality and illusion blurs into a surreal and nightmarish affair. Writer/director Ron Garcia really goes full-throttle with the mondo nutso far-out carnal kinkiness: We've got voyeurism, masturbation with a vibrator, bondage & submission, necrophilia, raunchy simulated, yet still quasi-pornographic sex, a gal getting murdered while performing fellatio on a man, a dude being run through with a pitchfork after he's finished doing just what you think with a attractive slender blonde, and, in the intensely erotic oddball highlight, the always amazing Uschi Digart finds herself getting fondled by lascivious sentient bed sheets (!). Moreover, Garcia's heady blend of Gothic horror and trippy science fiction along with the deliberate pacing and the jaw-dropping surprise bummer ending provides one hell of a super loopy punch. Among the revelers are such familiar sexploitation staples as Maria Arnold, Kathy Hilton, Marsha Jordan, and adorable redhead pixie Debbie Osborne (the latter as a zonked-out giantess!). Paul Hunt's stylish cinematography adds immensely to the overall outré and intoxicating dreamy atmosphere. A wonderfully wacky marvel.

THE TOY BOX (1971)Sure, I like looking at nude women. While I prefer hardcore porn flicks, I'll take softcore exploitation grindhouse junk like this too under the right circumstances. Well, these aren't the right circumstances. These aren't ANY circumstances. There's supposed to be a horrific subplot lurking in here somewhere, but I'll be damned if I can untangle it. This is another of those amateurish steaming piles of badly made manure that bores you to tears rather than stimulates you, despite all the simulated sex going on all over the place. Bah -- if I want to see good sex scenes, I'll watch the real stuff. 0 out of ****

Ralph and Donna go to "Uncle's" house where they meet many other like-wise pervs hoping to please "Uncle" enough to get something from his toy box.Pretty much a flimsy excuse to show softcore hippie porn. Pretty boring to sit through, save for one scene with Russ Meyer's Uschi Digard as a buxom hippie who gets it on with a possesed bed. (yes it's as insane as it sounds) This movie is coupled with "Toys are Not for Children" on the Something Weird DVD.My Grade: C-DVD Extras: Art Gallery;2 short subjects ( the Toy Telephone Truck, & the Christmas Eves); Trailers for Toys are not for Children, the Toybox, The Exquisite Cadaver, Tales of the Bizzare, The Single Girls, Ann and Eve, The Depraved, Sextet, The Naked Countess, and Labrinth of Sex