Watch The Loch Ness Horror For Free

Excellent, smart action film.

This is a coming of age storyline that you've seen in one form or another for decades. It takes a truly unique voice to make yet another one worth watching.

One of those movie experiences that is so good it makes you realize you've been grading everything else on a curve.

The joyful confection is coated in a sparkly gloss, bright enough to gleam from the darkest, most cynical corners.

"Mr Dean is a Yank from the States." Oh yes, this is the level of dialogue in this cheep, farcical tale of the fabled Scottish monster. There are several issues with the film, but where to begin? The story (if that's what we can call it) focuses on primarily American scientists who are studying the loch, in search of Nessie. There is Jack Stuart (Doc Livingston) who is the stereotypical Scotsman, kilt and all, who has lived at the loch most his life. He owns a magic telescope that has the power to defy both space and perspective, when early in the film his fixed position scope at one time looks down on a plane that is clearly high above mountainous terrain, then is parallel to the lochs surface, as the monster's head protrudes from the water.Bizarrely, there is no indication that there had been any monster attacks in the past, but all of a sudden, Nessie decides that it's about time it started chowing down on some human flesh. Although, as we later discover, Nessie has standards, and is most certainly a moral killing monster, as it only attacks the wicked! Incredible! The monster itself (as you can see in the picture here) is pretty lame. But I have no issues with it. It is a low budget film, and it is actually quite a well constructed prop. However, for a monster that is attacking people, and is supposed to add a bit of horror into the film, you just have to look into the eyes, and actually the monster is a little cute.The film is clearly not at Loch Ness, in fact, it is not even in Scotland. IMDb does confirm that it was filmed at Lake Tahoe in California. This shows, as the trees are wrong, and even the sounds of wildlife are native only to North America. Now onto the actors - a term used here very loosely. I have never heard so many appalling attempts at a Scottish accent in my life. I can do a better Scottish accent, and I'm rubbish at any accent! As I was watching, I could only guess that when casting, they were simply asked if they could roll their R's - "Yes." "You're hired."Whilst it is easy to ridicule this film for almost everything in it, it is still incredibly fun to watch. I guess that it would qualify for one of those so-bad-it's-good labels. But it really is bad. For some bizarre reason, there is also the story of a Nazi propaganda plane that crashed into the Loch during the war. Odd, stupid, full of some of the worst acting ever, but a bit of harmless fun. The Wrath of Blog, watching films so you don't have to.www.the-wrath-of-blog.blogspot.com

The Loch Ness Horror is the first film I've encountered so far from Larry Buchanan. Taking one of the oddly underused icons of cryptozoology, a clearly non Scottish setting and some extravagant acting, Buchanan crafts an almost but not quite there work of occasionally inspired b grade junk. The titular beast has a decent enough look to it, it's a big plesiosaur looking beast that likes to nosh on people, though its non jointed jaws mean that it tends more to sort of drape its mouth over people and let them do the work of appearing to be eaten. Its pretty rubbery and not much better than the sort of thing some particularly determined students might botch up over a weekend with some latex, but it has charm. A shame that it doesn't appear more often and doesn't off many people. The film seems more concerned with things like plot and character but lacks the talent or interest for the more cerebral approach. Still, the actors seem to be having fun, often broad to the point of hilarity, between them they conjure a bubbling brew of shonky goodness. The biggest name is b cinema notable Stuart Lancaster, of various Russ Meyer and other Buchanan films fame. He plays a slightly mad scientist, thus gets some fun scenery chewing time, and comically daft motivation. He enters into the spirit of things well, though is slightly restrained for the role. Love interest Miki McKenzie is occasionally incomprehensible, probably best for her as she grapples with her off written character and stiff conversations with hero with the piece, the strapping young Barry Buchanan. Not exactly a thespian is Barry, but he still carries the film well enough, that is to say he stoically hefts his scenes along, handles his dialogue like timber but at least he keeps it moving. Sandy Kenyon is slightly left out by the fact that he appears near competent and so doesn't make as much of an impression. Main plaudits go to Doc Livingston with a fiercely exaggerated Scots accent, his r rolling grizzled old timer is a total hoot. Its lucky that the acting is of interest, since there's a good deal of talk here, (biology, romance, conspiracies, that sort of thing) and the film is a bit slow, there are also padding shots a-plenty to keep things going. The pleasing location means that these shots are generally attractive, but Buchanan rarely puts them to suspenseful use and the film too often slides towards the dull. Still some interesting moments (and one bit that I actually found pretty creepy) but mostly this is skippable for all but bad movie connoisseurs.

**Possible Spoilers Ahead**Whenever fans of bad movies congregate for more than a few minutes, a name that invariably comes up is that of Larry Buchanan. This amazing director has given us remakes of other turkeys (ZONTAR THE THING FROM VENUS), cheap-jack crime dramas like A BULLET FOR PRETTY BOY, and tawdry conspiracy flicks like DOWN ON US and GOODBYE NORMA JEAN. THE LOCH NESS HORROR is a humdinger to say the least. Overlooking the fact that Loch Ness is extremely long and narrow, Larry filmed this howler on a wide and round California lake. Early on, the film boasts some dazzling (for the budget) underwater photography and creates some atmosphere in spite of itself. Then it degenerates into windy dialogue uttered by no-name actors with lapsing Scottish accents, not to mention a soundtrack that will do nothing for the much-maligned bagpipe. At one point, campers sing "You Take The High Road, I'll Take The Low Road," just to throw in one more Scottish cliche. If Scottish people ever decide to jump on the Political Correctness bandwagon they'll sue Larry Buchanan over this film, his surname notwithstanding. The monster looks like a giant papier-mache puppet and it makes the dragon in Beanie & Cecil look terrifying by comparison. In one unforgettable scene Nessie takes to land and, to evade some patrolling soldiers, the fifty-foot long critter tries to hide behind a tree-and the soldiers don't see it! THE LOCH NESS HORROR is a true mind-boggler that must be seen-several times--to be believed.

What can I say about a movie as bad as this? The people who made this movie, didn't even try to make the monster in it look realistic. You never see more than its head, and the head is just a giant puppet that has little movement except for when it opens it mouth to roar. And the sound they used for the roaring is the best part. At many points in the movie it sounds exactly like a TIE fighter flying over! I couldn't believe that when I first heard it and had to rewind several times to make it sink in. Other than the terrible looking monster and the noises it makes, there isn't much more to this film except for a few corny attack scenes and the crazy Scotsman attacking the kids trying to have an intimate moment in his castle. Still, it's watchable if you like this sort of trash. I know I do....