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The Worst Film Ever

A great movie, one of the best of this year. There was a bit of confusion at one point in the plot, but nothing serious.

Great example of an old-fashioned, pure-at-heart escapist event movie that doesn't pretend to be anything that it's not and has boat loads of fun being its own ludicrous self.

This is a dark and sometimes deeply uncomfortable drama

A meteorite crashes into the ocean off the coast of Tampa, Florida. A parasitic organism that was contained in the meteorite infects several fish, of which one is caught & turned into sushi. The sushi is sold to & eaten by Val, the duty manager at the "Castle" nightclub in Tampa. As the night goes on, she becomes infected by the organism, which sprouts a tentacle out of her neck & turns her into a zombie. The zombified Val then prowls the closed nightclub, picking off the workers & turning them into zombies.Timothy R. Martin is a special effects wizard who worked on such films as the Spider-Man films & (ironically) the prequel of the John Carpenter classic The Thing, which came out shortly before this "effort".It is obvious that Martin, who wrote the script, directed the film & designed the monster seen here (& appears as the nightclub's DJ), has been heavily influenced by his work on The Thing 2011, But while that film was a reasonable prequel to what is considered as not only John Carpenter's best film but also a sci-fi horror masterpiece & the Citizen Kane of monster movies, Parasitic is nothing but a cheap borefest that utterly fails to entertain in any way (although the creature effects are passable enough, particularly the monster in the end).It is probably an unwritten rule that most films by visual effects wizards branching out into directing almost always end up as terrible films (the exceptions to this are Stan Winston's Pumpkinhead & Tom Savini's remake of Night of the Living Dead – although I also enjoyed the Strause Brothers' Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem somewhat). In this case, the rule holds true. Martin has failed to observe the cardinal rule of monster films – the monster must support the story, not replace it. Outside of the creature effects, which conveniently allow the lead actress to walk around topless with a rubbery creature on her chest & a phallic tentacle sprouting like a giant zit out of her neck, the film is terrible. The story is simple to the point of crudity, the zombie attacks are predictable & biologically illogical, the acting is non-existent & the film's compact running time is filled with a bunch of idiots having boring conversations about boring topics. You can get a feeling of how low this film is aiming for when you have the opening credits play out over the central character putting her clothes on & the conversation early on which is inaudible but relayed by (purposely) badly-written subtitles that are heavily expletive-ridden in order to give a cheap laugh. It is obvious that Martin needs to forget about making his own stories & concentrate on his day job – providing visual effects, nothing more. What a waste of effort.

The opening scene, all 20 seconds of it, is primarily about a chunk of rock. Unfortunately, that piece of rock is by far the most talented actor in the movie.By the 5 minute mark we are placed in the scene of a nightclub, from which we will never escape, the entire movie takes place here. You might be mistaken for thinking it is an empty room, on account of the room being empty. But that presents no problem at all for the man pretending, sorry acting, like he is a DJ, he just carries on chatting to the empty room as if its the best gig he's ever had. If he was joking, it would be funny, but sadly, joking he is not.From here on in the "acting", and the disbelief, gets worse. I must add I am using the word "acting" in its most liberal sense, i.e. not actually requiring actors. Suffice to say if you manage to make it to the end of this thing, you will probably require a large strong drink.

I truly want my money back. This guy thinks he can direct because he's been on the FX crew of a bunch of movies. If the rating system had a zero, he'd be getting that. The acting was awful and the sound man was inebriated or deaf. I bet this would have been a decent B-movie if it had acting talent, directing talent, and a sound man with the ability to hear. But alas, it sucked in all departments. Tim Martin, please go back to FX and leave direction to the pros. It seemed like the actors read from a prompter and just their line for the scene before cutting, there was no chemistry between them at all. The FX was the only thing that was half way decent and it left a lot to be desired, but it at least would get a B rating.

Special effects guru Tim Martin writes, directs, and produces his first film "Parasitic" which revolves around a group of unlikable douches working at a Florida nightclub that gets invaded by a less than benevolent parasitic alien organism after it closes for the night and proceeds to kill them one by one. Rented this 'gem' at Redbox.On the bright side the special effects are pretty good for a movie this low budget and the film is rather short at little more than an hour long. However, that leads us to the bad part, the 77 minutes (not counting the end credits) is excruciating. The characters are all unredeemable and unwatchable creeps, the dialog is beyond atrocious. It feels less like a real movie and more of an improvised effects reel at times. Which I actually not so secretly hope is the case as the effects really deserve a much better film to be in.Eye Candy: Bianca Holland gets and stays topless for most of the filmMy Grade: D-