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Very disappointing...

That was an excellent one.

Simply A Masterpiece

Yo, there's no way for me to review this film without saying, take your *insert ethnicity + "ass" here* to see this film,like now. You have to see it in order to know what you're really messing with.

NINJA VS. NINJA is another Godfrey Ho-style cut and paste ninja movie of the 1980s which seems to have been put together from two or three different films. You get a handful of scenes with a black kid training in the woods to be a ninja and some brief ninja action but the bulk of the production is a Hong Kong crime film which has been dubbed and re-edited until it becomes nonsensical. Shaw Brothers star Norman Chu appears in these scenes and it's a pity to see him utilised in his way. NINJA VS. NINJA is a far cry too from the cheesy delights of Ho giddiness such as SCORPION THUNDERBOLT and NINJA TERMINATOR.

Sometimes rarely, a film is released unto the public that so shines in quality as to dazzle its audience and silence even the most ardent of critics. In short, these films are almost universally adored and as a result such films (and they are indeed a rare phenomena) win themselves the much coveted title of a 'classic'. In such instances a perfect equilibrium exists between such factors as production values, acting performances, photography, direction etc which all combine to create a cinematic and artistic masterpiece. Conversely, the status of all 'non classic' films therefore could be attributed to those movies in which the various aforementioned cinematic factors are at in imbalance to varying degrees – a factor which serves to destabilise the films overall integrity. Obviously although tastes vary widely, it would be equitable to say that the vast majority of films belong in the latter category.There is however a third category of film, a category equally as rare as the first in fact and this may be defined as those rather unfortunate films that actually have no cinematic merits whatsoever! These unfortunate entities fail utterly miserably in virtually every single department. Indeed the acting, production, directing etc in these films are so completely and entirely inept as to render them virtually unwatchable to the vast majority of the (sane) movie watching public.However and as illogical as it may sound, sometimes the very fact that a movie can be SO bad and SO inept actually, bizarrely serves to its advantage…..it is then that the curious phenomena of the 'so bad its good' movie is born!Ninja vs Ninja undoubtedly falls into this category!Here my friends we have a film that is so god awful in every single way that you can't but help to admire it!From the very opening with our ninja hero (who only appears in about three scenes in the entire movie!) who is shown training (and running in an extremely sissy manner!) to some super cool and groovy (and entirely inappropriate!) seventies music, to the completely non related and frankly baffling crime film plot (in reality a completely different film into which the ninja segments are edited) – this film really is an hilarious (unintentional) laugh fest!To be quite honest, even though I've only just finished watching it, I still have no idea what the hell was going on in this for the most part! The plot really meanders all over the place and makes virtually no sense whatsoever! (a factor which only adds to the charm!)From what I could gather, some evil ninja want a tape from a man charmingly referred to as Fatso. The CIA are also after this tape. And why are they all after the tape? Just what intrinsic information does it store? Well to be quite honest – I haven't got a bloody clue! Nor did I understand who the hero ninja was and what his interest in the tapes recovery was (if he indeed was interested in it at all!) In fact virtually nothing is explained in the film but frankly who cares…. if you're at all into Z-grade movies, then this really is essential viewing! A true demented classic!

Some movies need to be made. Some movies are so awful, they serve as shining beacons to the rest of us, guiding us through the sea of bad movie-making and letting us know exactly what NOT to do. This is not one of those movies. This movie can serve no purpose other than (possibly) a fire starter. This movies existence is so pointless, if I were this movie I would throw myself in front of a municipal bus. Everyone involved in this movie should be arrested (with the exception of the black ninja, who was bad-ass). In summary: This movie Sucked. It made no sense, it was shot on film which looked like it had been put through a meat grinder, and the plot seemed to be hiding somewhere behind a dead girlfriend, videotape, and heroine addiction. Sweet Jesus... terrible film... my god...

Ninja vs Ninja isn't a movie. It's two or three movies edited together and combined with some short footage of Ninjas. The plot makes no sense at all because there isn't one. There are just random things happening. This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen, and I watch movies like this all the time. Ninja vs Ninja makes Manos: The Hands of Fate look like an Oscar winner.