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Waste of time

Undescribable Perfection

An unexpected masterpiece

The tone of this movie is interesting -- the stakes are both dramatic and high, but it's balanced with a lot of fun, tongue and cheek dialogue.

With a title like "Piranha," one might expect a film about killer fish tearing people apart with their sharp-ass teeth; but that is not the case with this putrid exercise in padding. Fast-forward through the dull parts and you might get a watchable five minutes.What passes for the plot: wildlife photographer Terri Greene (Ahna Capri) and her brother Art (Tom Simcox) fly to Venezuela to photograph the Amazon jungle but find themselves the targets of a brutal, sadistic hunter named Caribe (William Smith). Along the way, we're treated to a Venezuelan booty call, a desiccated folk song, lots of anti-gun talk from Terri (guess where that leads?), Caribe's half-assed philosophy on life and death, a pointless motorcycle race, a crash course in diamond-mining, Terri getting raped, the fiery destruction of a native village, and a stabbed-to-death Art being devoured by piranhas— hardly enough to justify the title.It would have been nice had PIRANHA offered less padding and more backstory and character development. It also could have played up the implied attraction between Terri and her guide (Peter Brown). That way, the viewer might feel some empathy for these characters, particularly when Caribe makes them his prey. But no; that would take effort, and we certainly can't have that.If anything here is worth seeing, it's the footage of the Amazon jungle and its teeming wildlife. Come to think of it: if you cut all the scenes with the people, you might have an interesting nature documentary. Just hire a good narrator.By the way, "caribe" means "piranha."

Wildlife photographer Terry (lovely Ahna Capri) and her brother Art (underwhelming drip Tom Simcox) go to Venezuela for a photo shoot. They hire the rugged Jim Pendrake (hunky Peter Brown) to guide them through the jungle. However, the trio run afoul of evil and lethal local hunter Caribe (legendary B-flick tough guy William Smith in peak nasty form). Sound good? Well, it sure ain't. William Gibson's flat (non)direction and Richard Finder's dull, talky, and uneventful script fail to deliver much in the way of either action or excitement, the draggy pace plods along at a painfully sluggish clip, and there's a numbing abundance of boring filler and (admittedly pretty) travelogue footage of the gorgeously verdant jungle. Moreover, the mild PG rating ensures that we don't get any graphic nudity or harsh violence to alleviate the severe tedium (for example, Capri gets raped by Smith, but it happens off screen). Richard LaSalle's score alternates between the reasonably funky and the hideously slushy. The titular flesh-eating fish only pop up briefly towards the end. Jim Stein's horrendously sappy folk ballad "Love All Things That Love the Sun" sure doesn't help matters any. That said, the always dependable Smith adds some sorely needed energy to this otherwise dreary bilge, there's a thrilling motorcycle race between competitive alpha males Smith and Brown, and Smith does finally embark on the inevitable crazed rampage in the fairly lively last ten minutes, but overall this insipid wash-out proves to be a real crummy chore to endure. Skip it.

"Two wildlife photographers are traveling through the Amazon River basin on their latest assignment. While trying to capture the wildlife of the area on film, our photographers cross paths with a game hunter, who is stalking the animals for another reason. Looking to eliminate the witnesses to his illegal activities, the hunter decides to…" according to the DVD sleeve's synopsis. Handsome guide Peter Brown (as Jim Pendrake) takes pretty blonde Ahna Capri (as Terry Greene) and her good-looking brother Tom Simcox (as Art Greene) into the Venezuelan jungle, to admire the view, and take wildlife pictures. After they hook up with hunky big-game hunter William Smith (as Caribe), psychological dramatics surface. A pivotal scene, with Mr. Brown reposing in the "vee" of a tree, and sharing a cigarette with Mr. Simcox, is nicely staged. The circular direction reappears in the later "fight" between Brown and Mr. Smith; and, it is effective. Simcox' early sex romp adds nothing to the story; it could have been cut, to take advantage of what seems like flirting between the Brown and Simcox characters. An attraction between Brown and Ms. Capri could have been played up, also. The music, including Jim Stein's "Love All Things That Love the Sun", is fine; but the film needs to be re-tracked, to cut out animals which do not appear on screen. And, there is far too much superfluous footage on display. "Piranha" is a case where less would have been more.

I got seriously ripped off with this purchase. The other posters pretty well cover the failings of this poor poor film. My DVD that I purchased actually had the 1978 Piranha poster art on the cover with the credits for that film on the front 'Directed by Joe Dante', etc. I was really disappointed to find the wrong film on the disc. I am actually a fan of lots of bad movies. There is always something funny or at least amusing on most of them somewhere. NOt this film! I am actually going to spend the three dollars in gas money to return this two dollar DVD just for the principle of the thing. Blatant false packaging here. Easily the worst movie of all time. No redeeming factors at all. BORING!!!Not even worth checking out just to see how bad it is. Seriously.