Watch Amazon Women on the Moon For Free

The Worst Film Ever

Fresh and Exciting

Pretty good movie overall. First half was nothing special but it got better as it went along.

Fun premise, good actors, bad writing. This film seemed to have potential at the beginning but it quickly devolves into a trite action film. Ultimately it's very boring.

Miracle Reviews present: The Raven doing a John Landis spectacular.:) please understand, this is a light-hearted rage intended to be darkly humorous - do not proceed if you are prone to being offended.I have just spent an afternoon wading through the Special Edition DVD. At some stages, you can laugh, at others you can just cry. What hokey yuck, what utter drivel, what a miserable load of crap it is in so many places. People, I understand Crazy. I speak Crazy. But if you have carte blanche to film Crazy surely you can come up with something that is a better kind of crazy than this?For the most part, this is just stupid. The (un)funny fun funeral you could really have funneled back up a funny place, directors. Just a bunch of doddering old has-been comedians shuffling around padding their pensions. Ruins everything.Yes, I was here for Monique Gabrielle (perfection, quite possibly the best-looking girl ever on film, proof provided here, can't argue with this bare fact, nobody can) and my darling from the Eighties, the actress I always cheered for, Rosanna Arquette. She was absolutely DreamsVille. Kelly Preston, a surprise appearance, I didn't even know! Young, gorgeous ingénue. Yet the focus falls on that awful funeral gag with all the old deadbeats?The extras had nothing more of either Rosanna or Monique and just made me freaking mad. I am suffering as I sit here. An afternoon wasted on mostly junk. And I hear that over-eager weird Simmons dude singing one more time, I'm gonna tie a yellow ribbon in his oak tree, mark my bloody words! Would like to see him do the dance of love then.But my score doesn't quite blow it out of the water. Why? Besides being a fan of Monique Gabrielle's naked charm, I am quite fond of some other scenes here:The pharmacy "Titon" sketch was magnificent, with good performances, I felt for the poor young guy. And that condom mascot took the cake! The two I.D.'s bit, with Steve Guttenberg and knockout gorgeous Rosanna Arquette, an absolute standout. But that easily gets cancelled out as you stumble through the rest of this movie, especially the deleted scenes on the DVD. If the whole movie was of the quality of these two acts, with Monique Gabrielle's good turn thrown in for good measure, what a great thing it could have been.But that irksome funeral thing with all that clutter was just too much and really nailed the coffin in the production.Michelle Pfeiffer in the Mr. Potato Head segment is quite unbelievably hilarious, I mean, serious actress Michelle! A penny for her thoughts as she did this... The main entry, the space movie, well, I know it's supposed to be silly and badly filmed and badly televised and all that, but everything just adds to an unsettling kind of view. For that bit to work, there is a whole lot of other weak stuff that should have been trimmed from this tree.Great moment: looking through the microscope at the germs caused by reckless living, ravaging away at the body, and seeing cartoon mice dashing about rushing into their hidey-hole.Lots of fun but too much of a sugar rush caused a glut of some seriously off-putting unnecessary stuff.And as for most of the deleted scenes on the Special DVD, they should really have been erased.And I have to sing this to Rosanna, I mean, I have to: All I wanna do when I wake up in the morning is see your eyes, Rosanna, yeah...Brought to you by Miracle Reviews.It's a miracle if it's a good review.{as you can see, I learned one good funny trick from watching this, er, "movie" (???)}

While it's not as outrageously over-the-top as KENTUCKY FRIED MOVIE, AMAZON WOMEN ON THE MOON indeed has its moments. It's a minor thing, but the opening credit sequence had me smiling ("Starring: Lots of people..."). Unfortunately, the opening skit is easily the least of the offerings this time around- but, if you can make it through it, there are rewards to be had. Henry Silva's deadpan delivery makes BULLSHIT- OR NOT? one of my favorite segments: finding out the "truth" about Jack the Ripper is worth the price of admission. It was great to see the late William Marshall (BLACULA himself) as the leader of a band of VIDEO PIRATES (who Tape and Pillage) and the black and white sequel to THE INVISIBLE MAN, SON OF THE INVISIBLE MAN, was as inspired as YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN. Another highlight was seeing the late Forrest J. Ackerman as The President in AMAZON WOMEN ON/OF THE MOON. The "roast" of the dead man was chock full of classic comedians who were still capable of "killin' 'em" even that late in the day. "Miracle Pictures: If it's GOOD, it's a Miracle!"

This is half review and half advice.The opening scene of this film is a sketch loosely known as "The Apartment." This was tremendous comedy.Once this sketch is over, the only advice i can give you is to push the STOP button. Beyond the opening scene, there is nothing even remotely funny about this film.I don't actually know anyone who has sat the whole way through this film and whenever it came up as a topic on conversation, "The Apartment" was the only thing people looked back on and laughed. In fact, everything after the apartment is not only unfunny; it's actually downright boring.Some people say that this has some connection (or is some sort of unofficial sequel) to Kentucky Fried Movie. Kentucky was one of the best comedies of its time, but Amazon does not even come close to reaching the same heights. Furthermore, in case you didn't know, Amazon had completely different writers. And it shows! Overall woeful, but if you happen to see it listed on some cable TV channel, I recommend tuning in for the Apartment sketch. Just have something else to watch once that sketch is over.

(Note: Over 500 of my movie reviews are now available in my book "Cut to the Chaise Lounge or I Can't Believe I Swallowed the Remote!" Get it at Amazon.)The opening skit "Apartment Victim" with Arsenio Hall is pure slapstick--not my favorite comedy type but for some reason I found it hilarious. I just cracked up on all the mishaps and the great timing by Arsenio and the cameras. The way the video cassette shoots back out of the player and hits him and knocks him over was just so funny; and the way the TV blows up when he hits the remote was a crack up. Which reminds me, Confucius says "Woman who flies upside down has hairy crack up." (Sorry about that.) Anyway, I also liked David Alan Grier as Don (No Soul) Simmons in the segment "Blacks without Soul." The Laurence Welk way he sang the Broadway show type tunes was just a riot. I also liked the skit featuring Rosanna Arquette, "Two I.D.'s" in which she takes the prospective date's credit cards and two forms of ID to investigate what kind of guy he is on a date.I also kind of liked the comedic roast at the wake in "Roast your loved one." Kind of. The jokes ranged from funny but old to lame-o.The overall shtick of this being a TV late night movie show was also good--the idea, anyway. The featured movie "Amazon Women on the Moon" (actually this was a skit too; no such movie exists although one wonders why), which spoofs 50s cheapo sci-fi flicks was so, so very bad as to almost be campy--but not quite. It was frankly just bad bad, and a little on the very cognitively challenged side, that is to say, dumb.Overall this was a lot funnier than might be expected, at least for me, but then again I have actually watched most of the episodes of "Married with Children" although I would never admit it.