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An absolute waste of money

I think this is a new genre that they're all sort of working their way through it and haven't got all the kinks worked out yet but it's a genre that works for me.

The plot isn't so bad, but the pace of storytelling is too slow which makes people bored. Certain moments are so obvious and unnecessary for the main plot. I would've fast-forwarded those moments if it was an online streaming. The ending looks like implying a sequel, not sure if this movie will get one

Worth seeing just to witness how winsome it is.

Ranking alongside Excalibur as the 2 worst films ever made, yes, this film is just SOOOOOOO unspeakably tacky that it must have taken some proper elite talent and select creativity to realise, conceptualize and conceive !So essentially this is a very second-hand Sword + Sorcery Fantasy film that otherwise took very little imagination and cultural class to conjure up and put together. That said, when an entity is just so cheesy, naff, unoriginal and generally over-the-top, it thus must have taken some real class and innovation with which to adopt such a cutting edge status !Not too complex a plot ; Villain falls in love, love interest prefers Villain's Hero brother, Villain kills love interest out of madness and jealousy, Hero plots revenge on Villain. Plenty of fantastical creatures ; a 'Giant' that is an inch or 2 taller than yourself, a 'Dwarf' that's an inch or 2 smaller, an elf that looks like The Beatles in leather overalls, and a witch with a cyclops blindfold. And I thought my old school plays were full-on DIY !!The most hilarious element of cheese is the funky electronic score ; yes that will haunt you for years after you never see this film again ! Oh, and the sword with a opening/closing clenched bronze fist at the bottom ! Not to forget the terrible acting and unashamedly American accents ; "VOLTAN! YOU WILL DIE BY THE SWORD!"All-in-all, I will give this film 10/10, a rating well deserved due to it's eliter-than-elite ability to offend it's audience with the most nihilistic cultural and theatrical offal the (other)world has ever observed !

A charismatic hero that makes Tommy Wiseau look like a one-dimensional corpse, non-stop action, an enthralling plot, SFX which render Transformers 3 a SyFy production in comparison...at this point I woke from my slumber on the sofa and stared in disbelief that this movie was still running. It had all been a delightful dream, my body saving me from the torture of facing this ordeal without a break. The most entertaining 20 minutes of the film was when I had slipped into a coma of boredom from being subjected to John Terry's emotionless presence and the ridiculous sound effects that sounded like they were made using the sound effects on a pre-school Casio keyboard.The editing on this movie was a joy to behold. The brilliant use of re-showing the same scene but being sped up just to give the impression that the crossbow was being shot in some rapid fire mode is just underused in today's movies.The interesting debate this movie brought about was - what makes a bad movie funny? Me and my friend watch many bad movies as they are unintentionally the best comedies. Classics such as The Room, Troll 2 and Hercules in New York and so this had the potential to be comedy gold, but instead fell into the deep pit of silly string and pre-school keyboard sound effects and joined the only other movie that has sent me to sleep on that same sofa, McBain.After the film had ended, I was left in a state of confusion and anger. Only one thing could restore my faith in awful movies, the dulcet tones and infectious chuckle of the Croation cyborg himself, step forward Mr Tommy Wiseau. After 30 seconds of The Room, my faith had been restored and i was more entertained than I had been during the entire ordeal of Hawk. If Tommy Wiseau was the lead of every movie, the world would be a better place.

I'd like to point out that when i saw this film it was about 1 in the morning, i was on my own after having got home, and i wasn't drunk. however, i watched it. it is terrible, but seriously,just stick with me :P.This film is, i think, the worst film i have ever seen. i don't think I've ever seen such terrible acting as 'hawk' and (especially) 'crow'. The story is just very unimaginative and stupid, the casting is odd (as in bresslaw as the 'giant'.), and the special effects are awful... finally, the soundtrack is amazingly rubbish (i mean unbelievably shocking. i am young, but still... did someone at this point really think that disco-Celtic beats fitted a fantasy film?) the film's story revolves around the protagonist, hawk, vowing to kill his brother, who kills their father and then becomes truly evil, seemingly because hawk 'stole' his partner (Votlan then killed her by accident) and due to his brother burning his face with a piece of burning wood. everything about this quite simple plot then becomes... well, the best word to describe it would be.. 'what?!?!?!'. i assumed this was on purpose at first, but it really wasn't.the laughs for me started at the first scene - the textured gold paint on the walls of whatever room hawk's father was in, followed by Terry's awful acting as his father dies.trust me, this is the greatest ever 'drink some beers and get your friends round, watch some red dwarf and futurama then wack this on' movie ever. awesomely terrible, haha.

Hawk the Slayer starts as the evil disfigured Voltan (Jack Palance) orders his father (Ferdy Mayne) to tell him the secret of his magical powers, he refuses & Voltan sticks him with his sword before his brother the all round good egg Hawk (John Terry) turns up & their father actually gives him the secret of his power the Elven Mindstone. Left somewhat bitter by the experience & the fact that the love of his life Eliane (Cartiona MacColl) chose to marry his brother Hawk over himself & made her feelings perfectly clear by sticking a flaming torch of fire into his face Voltan decides to get even, Voltan & his gang of men kidnap a Nun named Abbess (Annette Crosbie) & demands 2,000 pieces of gold as a ransom. Unable to pay the other Nun's send a one handed guy named Ranulf (William Gordon Sheppard) to find Hawk & convince him to help their cause & save Abbess...This English production was co-written & directed by Terry Marcel & is one of those so bad it's good type sword & sorcery fantasy adventure films. The script by Marcel together with producer & music composer Harry Robertson takes itself extremely seriously & if chock full of simply hilarious dialogue which is so camp yet is delivered & edited in such a way that one gets the impression director Marcel thought it was Shakespeare. The story is weak using the typical fantasy adventure stereotypes like a giant, an elf & a dwarf as well as a clean cut gooder than good hero all with absolute minimal character development. The central story is odd as well, I mean Voltan kidnaps a Nun so Hawk & his gang steal the gold to pay the ransom which just seems strange really. While watching Hawk the Slayer which is set almost entirely within some very English looking woods featuring fights between men with bows & arrows, swords & crossbows & they ride around on horseback I couldn't help but sit there thinking that I was watching a fantasy version of Robin Hood! I mean Hawk is the Robin character, the giant, the elf, dwarf & one handed bloke are his band of merry men & Voltan is the Sheriff of Nottingham bad guy character while Eliane was the Maid Marian love interest. I don't know, maybe it's just me but that's the impression I got from the film as a whole. At least the film moves along at a nice enough pace, it certainly isn't boring with lots of fights & that hilarious dialogue means it's pretty funny even if it is unintentional.Director Marcel must have been working on a low budget because there's never any villages or towns or anything to even suggest that it's set anywhere other than an English wood, just look at the scene with the blacksmith for instance when he has his equipment set up in the middle of a wood with no cover, house, workshop or anything. Besides the fact that being located in the middle of nowhere which would't be good for business what if it started to rain? He'd be buggered then wouldn't he? The film looks really cheap with the final fight containing what looks like glow in the dark tennis balls to stand in for magical orbs, the special effects are OK but not that great & there's no monsters in it either. For some reason part of the final showdown fight seems to take place in what looks like a snow storm inside a Church! There are also other fight scenes set in fog where you can barely make out whats happening. I'm not sure if this was made with an adult audience in mind, it's quite violent on occasion with various fights & quite a number of death's but there's no blood or gore & one feels that maybe the filmmakers were undecided about the tone they wanted.Technically the film is alright, despite being almost entirely set within some woods somewhere in England it's reasonably well made. Some of the special effects are better than other's & I'm not having the whole 'giant' thing either, I mean he's not so much a giant as just a quite tall man! Hardly worthy of the title giant. Everyone plays this totally straight & I'm surprised they kept a straight face with some of the dialogue, there's a fair few recognisable British actor's here including Bernard Bresslaw, Harry Andrews, Annette Crosbie, Roy Kinnear, Warren Clarke & Patrick Magee. Also appearing in this is Catriona MacColl who is probably better know for her roles in the gore drenched Italian exploitation flicks City of the Living Dead (1980), The Beyond (1981) & The House by the Cemetery (1981) which I mention only because I'm a big fan of those films! John Terry makes for one of the most blandest of fantasy film hero's ever & for all English football fans it's not the same John Terry who is the current England & Chelsea defender!Hawk the Slayer is a silly, often unintentionally hilarious fantasy adventure that at least isn't boring & if your in the right frame of mind it will provide 90 odd minutes of light hearted fun, it ain't brilliant but it ain't too bad.