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Sick Product of a Sick System

Best movie ever!

This is one of the few movies I've ever seen where the whole audience broke into spontaneous, loud applause a third of the way in.

This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.

All of asylum movies are perfect works of genius. This, Jack The Giant Killer, no exception. It is brilliant. I'm fortunate enough to watch if free on YouTube (not youporn not porntube-- YouTube!) and the computer I've currently borrowed (I'm broke...dog)...well its old and so there's a little image delay sound often too low to hear so I listen to BS cds in place of movie sound.... when I watch movies and videos online...anyway back to my review... Jack The Giant Killer is awesome. Deep psychology here. Surreal ideas. Great actress acting and actors too. DIALOG, dang hot if you ask moi. YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS! AND THEN WATCH Titanic 2. Its that good. Heavy. Far Out. My kinda deal. and yes i'm sober don't drink booze nor smoke pot nor take speed coke heroin nor psychadelics etc.-- that's why MY REVIEW is objective unlike others that diss this movie. (u should be ashamed)

Why did I watch this again? I think it is out of the dark corner of my mind, that same need to see a house fire or why the police have a building surrounded. I honestly wish I knew why I watched this movie. It is not like anyone paid me.No one in this movie is anything close to resembling an actor. Vicki Glover had little to say, but when she did, it looked as if she was about to vomit. Then she would mumble something you couldn't hear or comprehend. Harry Dyer spouted out his lines, he seemed to question himself, constantly with a look of puzzlement on his face. Maybe he was wondering if there was going to be a paycheck or not. Jamie Atkins obviously slept with the director to land this role. Jamie is still inside the paper bag. Then they tossed in Ben Cross and Jane March. Who? The most "talented" movie extras they could find. Good thing there was no nudity or I would have to remove the one point from the movie I am forced to give them.I don't rate the CGI in a film. But really they should have gone with a model village and wrestlers in rubber suits and that would have been better. The props look unbelievable and the one scale model of a cannon on a freight car is so tiny that the focal blur gives it away.This movie was so bad, don't even jokingly give it above 2 stars. There is nothing to redeem this movie or the people who made it. Instead go watch a house fire down the block or stand out in the rain for two hours with a cardboard sign "This Space for Rent". Either one would be better than watching this movie.

Holy Christ. Why? Why make this film. I don't mean why bother making such a bad idea, why bother ripping off a recent big movie? I mean why bother wasting my time with a dull pointless plot, characters and concept.Dull as gray. I mean it takes some serious apathy to take the idea of a giant robot building kid climbing a tree to find a queen in a magic flying castle where his *SPOILER* Dad who's been trapped in an alternative time strain maintains the furnace of said flying castle. I mean I think that's what going on but you know what there's so much going on that I don't care about it was like watching that welsh soap opera that's on the that digital channel that you accidentally stop on when flicking through because you can't remember the number for E4 and you want to see if they're showing Big Bang theory during the afternoon but the phone goes so you stop flicking and the TV stops on the Welsh channel.... see I'm so bored of even thinking about this movie.So there's some kid, some girl who we never discover who she is, though based on the set up she could be his sister, then we meet some parents who it turns out aren't his parents, but by this time I didn't care... and we were only 6 minutes in.Kids gets magic beans in the post (nice to tell a story people can relate to) he throws them all away but *SPOILER* they all re-appear at the end by the magic of continuity errors.Beanstalk grows over night into a poor digital effect... *SIGH* kid climbs it for some reason, I forget why, but it's Jack and the Beanstalk so he has to, the reason is irrelevant.Oh do you like pointless shots of a kid walking across hills? Well this film has 10 minutes of that, but they're boring so I don't recommend them.They mess about in a flying castle which looks like a stately home on the inside. There's some tart in the bath who's sexy but bad but dull as well.Everyone else stands around on earth looking up at the beanstalk doing nothing about it apart from telling the massive crowd of 3 to back away.I must have fallen asleep for an hour or 2 minutes as then for some reason dinosaurs or something attack a church yard in Liverpool, trashing half the city causing dozens of pounds worth of damage. Though the people who show up to see Paul McCartney perform are disappointed that they got the wrong end of the stick when someone told them about an annoying Liverpudlian dinosaur.The film them ends in a lot of poor green screen close up shots, emphasizing the style and theme of no budget.The giant robot then arrives, yeah giant robot, in a scene that even the Power Rangers would be embarrassed to show....The film gets better as it goes along, as each minute we're closer to the end credits.You know what, Eff you, you go watch it, I did.

What a sad state of affairs when Asylum (the makers of this sad little tale) throws out garbage like this with a cast of people who aren't even trained in the art of acting. Wow, they must have taken the directors wife and kid hostage to make him do it. One consolation, this film of inferior quality should only have taken a couple of weeks to throw together so no real harm done.The story starts of with some Real Steal rip off material as Jack is fixing his robot (I know, lol...I don't remember Aliens style robots in any other version of Jack...Beanstalk before!) while struggling to say his lines and use his hands at the same time. lol yes, I remembered a classic bit of acting when we first see the ridiculous beanstalk in a field. There is a cop standing there with a very small crowd of people and he's right in front of them saying "nothing to see here, move along", I was like WTF! Nothing to see? Also the way he was holding this crowd of 4 people back was stupid. They are in a field and can stand anywhere but chose to all squeeze in front of the only cop there. Another thing is, when Jack gets nabbed by the tree branch thing and gets taken up in front of everyone. Not one person seems to notice it happening!! Garbage, garbage, garbage.I don't do the "this is the worst film ever" speech because it's cliché and rarely true. I have to say though, it's damn close. The acting is atrocious, the editing looks like it was done by a crack addict badly needing a fix and the music, the mf'king music! Where in the hell did they dig it up from? It sounded a bit like those,(I'm not too sure of the name) Stylaphone? Is that the thing Rolf Harris used to advertise? Well, it sounded like that.Not a film to be watched, even if your bored, drunk, high, low...in fact...just don't watch it. I did and I'm still queasy.