Watch Zeta One For Free

Why so much hype?

Fresh and Exciting

I like movies that are aware of what they are selling... without [any] greater aspirations than to make people laugh and that's it.

The plot isn't so bad, but the pace of storytelling is too slow which makes people bored. Certain moments are so obvious and unnecessary for the main plot. I would've fast-forwarded those moments if it was an online streaming. The ending looks like implying a sequel, not sure if this movie will get one

This is for the DVD: the Blu-ray has been letter boxed, and so loses half its greatest merit.The film slowly gained notoriety after I wrote an article in the lads magazine 'Loaded' in 1993,headlined 'The Worst British Film Ever?'. The question-mark was Loaded's addition. I'd videotaped it from a cable channel's late-night exploitation movies, where you could see more of TV actresses trying to break into film than TV itself would show in those days. The cable channel picked only the cheapest films it could rent, but even among that dross Zeta One was a car crash.In those days videotapes were expensive, and only mainstream films were distributed. I never expected to hear of the film again. But a cuttings agency had sent a copy of my article to Tigon, and it went on file. I'm guessing someone in marketing recognised that even the badge of worst British film ever had market value, because I saw it referred to in the sleeve notes of a Tigon DVD box set, and the film itself was in the second wave of Tigon's videotapes, about the same time as Au Pair Girls: the 'so bad it's good' culture began about that time. Tigon must have been deeply hacked-off by Zeta One, because normally you make only a passing reference to your failures. But John Hamilton's exemplary account of Tigon, 'Beasts in the Cellar' devotes nearly as much space to the film as to the company's triumphs, like 'Witchfinder General'.We don't get to choose what we are remembered for, and my memorial, and that in a very narrow circle, will be giving cult status to a piece of tosh. C'est la vie. That said, this film could replace the first three weeks of a film course in almost any discipline. It is so obvious what went wrong that you know afterwards what is right about other films.Starting with the script, what was originally filmed was full of plot holes and missing information, and as filmed ran for sixty minutes or less. It stayed on the shelves before the producer decided to add framing scenes explaining what had happened. Enter Yutte Stensgaard as a sort of nude Dr Watson ("Tell me, Holmes, how did you know that...?").Secondly, a job you've never thought of before: the production accountant. The inexperienced director spent lavishly on props and location shooting that the budget of £60,000 could not possibly justify. It is, in fairness, all on the screen: gorgeous costumes for the beautiful all-girl aliens, and the finest Finnish furniture film ever made (only one other, I think: Billion-Dollar Brain).Third, actors. If you want to treat actors like cattle, you'd better be Hitchcock. Michael Cort so wasn't Hitchcock. James Robertson Justice, the principal villain, was so angry that he refused to come back for 'fills', and someone else had to do his voice and hand giving a spy a knock-out pill, essential to the plot.Fourth, make-up: the gorgeous Valerie Leon, actress in many Carry On films, appears topless in Zeta One. I found this out only years later. Her make-up disguises her utterly without enhancing her character.Fifth,props, carpenters, lighting: that generation of British techies were wonderfully professional. Why, then did they treat the director with such contempt? The film is lit as lifelessly as a cheap ITV drama of the period. The distinctive Saarinen "Tulip" tables and chairs are replaced by hideous clunky Scandinavian furniture in one scene, and it says much for the strip-poker scene that I noticed the pedestal of one chairs still had packing dirt on it. I wrote in 'Loaded' of another scene "Their lovemaking was both intense and prolonged, so much so that they didn't notice builders had come in and installed a bathroom that wasn't there before".Actually, if you want to be a camera operator or director, do get the Blu-ray: you will see at once that the natural tendency of a camera is to focus on the centre of the action. This is why so many films don't work on disc: the re-framing from the 4:3 Academy ration most films of the era were shot in to TV-filling 16:9 loses key details, in this case much of the film's only merit, Yutte Stensgaard's beautiful bottom.Lastly, Lorna Selwyn, who is credited for Continuity in the film. This is unfair. She must have been constantly over-ridden by a director running out of time and money. Previously she'd worked for master craftsmen like Eric Sykes, on The Plank, and she continued to work for Tigon afterwards.So, a paradox: this is a rotten film, and I thoroughly recommend it.In 80 minutes or so you will gain an understanding that many skilled crafts go into making a good film. For Londoners, alas, there is another, sad, reason to cherish the film: one of the most unnecessary location shots was of Berwick Street Market, which is now being closed down so advertising and PR people can get to their coffee shops a few seconds quicker.

This has got to be one of the silliest films I have ever seen. You watch it and you have no idea what it's supposed to be!Here comes an agent into a flat, complete with 1969 all-the-rage white plastic furniture and pod chair. He produces an automatic. This must be an agent film... But wait, he falls down in the kitchen and loses half of his stick-on moustache, so OK, it must be a slapstick agent comedy, but no, now he's playing strip poker with a very hot girl...Ah, there's Charles Hawtrey, acting exactly like in a Carry On film... OK, so this is, what, 'Carry On Space Amazons', er, no, it's not that either.Oh look, James Robertson Justice, what's HE doing in this cheapo movie?To give an indication of just how weird this film is, there's Dawn Adams, and instead of being 'the one in the Bond film who can't act very well', she's 'the one who is the most convincing of all the actors'. Now, get your head round THAT paradox if you can!Some other reviewer mentioned that one scene reminded him of the Avengers, and I had the same thought; there is a definite Avengers vibe at times, and then suddenly, the action and music is pure Benny Hill!No, friends, nothing makes sense in this amateur-hour production!It's not a spy-spoof, it's not a Carry On film, it's not a sci-fi movie, it's not simple sexploitation, I just don't know what to call it. Really, you have to see it for yourself!

Truly one of the WORST films of all time - and worth watching just to spot the numerous narrative holes, terrible acting and risable dialogue.A group of women led by Zeta One live in another dimension - their home is called Angvia (guess what that's an anagram of). They kidnap earth women and spirit them off to Angvia in the back of big truck - I suspect that the big truck IS actually Angvia. It's not understood why they kidnap women or what they do with them when they get to Angvia, which looks like the inside of a lava lamp.Meanwhile, Major Bourden (James Robertson Justice) and his assistant Swyne (Charles Hawtrey) are trying to find out how to get to Angvia, because the women have thwarted their plans several times (it's never adequately explained what their plans are), nor if the Angvians are good or bad - they do kidnap women, but then they appear to be heroines.Meanwhile again, James Word (a kind of low-grade James Bond figure) tells the story of all this in flashback to a pretty blonde. However, James Word has hardly any contact with any of the other characters in the film - you get the impression that all of his scenes were filmed as an after-thought, in order to add some sort of narrative coherence to the storyline - but in fact the reverse happens.There's lots of softcore (female) nudity, chasing and silliness. The special effects ain't that special. It's a complete mess. You MUST see it to believe how bad it is. The best thing about it is the soundtrack, which tries to emulate a kind of sub-Barbarella kistchness at times.

If anything, "Zeta One" (a.k.a. "The Love Factor" and "Alien Women") proves that the U.S.A. doesn't have a lock on cheesy soft-core porn movies. In this one, a race of alien women (many of whom run around topless) kidnap earth women to repopulate their world. What sounds like a fun spoof of spy movies and sci-fi flicks fails miserably, due to many factors, not the least of which is that there's simply no point of view. The cast (and the script) seem to meander around without any real purpose. The secret agent character, James Word (played by Robin Hawdon of "When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth") seems to have two purposes in the movie: to have sex with every woman who crosses his path, and smoke cigarettes, since he doesn't seem to do anything else. A part like his takes a deft comedic touch, which Hawdon just doesn't have. The story is told in flashback, and the framing sequences featuring Hawdon and lovely Yutte Stensgaard seem to indicate trouble with the original film (Hawdon has a moustache in the main body of the film, but is without it in the framing sequences). Scenes dealing with a strip-poker game and Word's ultimate fate go on for what seems like an eternity without any real payoff. And top-billed James Robertson Justice gives a textbook example of a "where's-my-paycheck?" type performance. The British have a reputation for stuffiness, and if this movie is any indication, it is a reputation well-deserved.