Watch The Roller Blade Seven For Free

I wanted to but couldn't!

It's the kind of movie you'll want to see a second time with someone who hasn't seen it yet, to remember what it was like to watch it for the first time.

Easily the biggest piece of Right wing non sense propaganda I ever saw.

There are moments in this movie where the great movie it could've been peek out... They're fleeting, here, but they're worth savoring, and they happen often enough to make it worth your while.

The Roller Blade Seven is a bizarre creature, it's a truly terrible film with awful production values yet features a host of famous names.Set in a post apocalyptic world much alike the Mad Max (1979) universe, except there are ninjas, religion and everyone wears roller blades for some reason.With audio that often sounds like it was recorded through a sponge, the same segments repeated, fight scenes that make Jerry Springers look like it's well choreographed and a story that makes no sense at all.It's one of those films that has to be seen to be believed yet you don't want to put anyone through a film quite this terrible.I award it 2 not 1 purely on the basis of novelty value but make no mistake it's the absolute pits.The Good: Nope! The Bad: Laughable soundtrack that doesn't even remotely fit the content Awful audio quality Embarrassing fight scenesCringe inducing camera work Scenes repeated several times We really don't need to know each actors name as they appear on screen Things I Learnt From This Movie: It is a reverends job to distribute samurai swords and see that people skate the path of righteousness Even in a post apocalyptic world religious garments look ridiculous Our hero is so anti-mainstream expectations that in a Jacuzzi with your standard bikini glad girls he keeps his clothes on and kisses them like you'd kiss your mother Wearing shades during the night STILL makes you look like a douche Joe Estevez is the lesser known brother for a reasonFrank Stallone is the lesser brother for a reason as well So roller skate ninjas are a thing Being hacked to pieces with axes will result in no wounds and no blood

The Roller Blade Seven (1991) is the most "nothing" movie i've ever seen. I mean, the popcorn i was eating had more substance. First off the plot is well, there really isn't a plot. You go from one scene to another without any sort of idea where the characters are, sometimes who they are and their motivations. For the most part, the main character has a motivation but even that gets rather sketchy in this fever dream of a movie. Characters show up for "reasons" and then go away for "reasons". It feels more like a LARP than anything else. Things just happen.The editing in this movie is horrible. Absolutely awful. Shots hang on way too long, some of them only confuse the scenes further. The action scenes are like those home movies where you'd film your two kids fighting with cardboard tubes except they have rollerblades on and are dressed up for Halloween.There isn't even a script, the excuse for that is that it's a "new" kind of film-making, Zen Film-making. I dunno about you, but having a script is the very basis for creating a movie without making it a incoherent mess.For that reason, it barely even qualifies as a movie. It is just hardly anything.Great for watching with LSD though, i bet.

Some items of note: A man in a suit jacket (no shirt), top hat, speedo and knee pads is doing tai chi in the middle of the desert when a bad Elvis impersonator shows up and has a nonsensical "conversation" with him.An invisible man (or woman?) plays the banjo to an evil clown wearing pantaloons. You'd think this would be funny, but it's just depressing.Scott Shaw, a very poor man's Nicolas Cage, tries to do Shatner, but comes across more like a kindergartner with a learning disability.Once in a while, you kind of get the sense that something is happening.You can never understand what anyone is saying because it sounds like construction was going on during filming. Except when Scott Shaw talks. Because he says one word every 5 seconds.Half of the movie takes place in the LA Aqueduct. Evil pantaloon clown awkwardly and fecklessly strikes a heavily-armored ninja guy with Nerf bats for a few minutes.It's LARPing on rollerblades.The soundtrack alternates between an off-balance washing machine and the drum tracks on a Hammond organ.The real star of this movie is Allison Chase's backside.All this, and it still manages to seem pretentious.

My house mate and I foolishly purchased the video of 'The Roller Blade Seven' from our local second hand video shop in the hope of finding a bad film to laugh at. This film isn't even laughable, it's pathetically poor, worse even than Jack Frost 2-and that's saying something. The script, acting, production, stunts, sound, sets, everything is absolutely terrible. In some parts the actors haven't even learned their lines and are blatantly ad-libbing or in one case actually having the lines read to them off set and simply repeating them. Set in the post apocalyptic 'Wheel Zone',The film obviously consists of about 45 minutes of film, many parts of which are edited badly or repeated ad nauseum from various different camera angles to make the film longer. This gets tedious very quickly. The plot makes no sense whatsoever (It is apparently an amalgam of two books written by Scott Shaw), there aren't even seven of them, most of them aren't on blades, they're wearing roller boots, and it seems to me that mostly the film has been completely sold on the fact that there's about 3 minutes of female semi-nudity in it. The writer and star Scott Shaw obviously fancies himself somewhat of a Samurai and throughout the film performs some very poor stunts and made up sword fighting moves that look massively amateurish. Despite all this, his website states that the film should never be compared to a traditional film because it really pushes the boundaries of modern film making. My house mate and I were left speechless by the whole ordeal, and despite my frequent attempts to burn the videotape, she has decided it may be some kind of Ring-esquire video curse that needs to be passed on. If you see the video in stores, take it from me! Leave well alone!