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Such a frustrating disappointment

If you don't like this, we can't be friends.

Great Film overall

It's a feast for the eyes. But what really makes this dramedy work is the acting.

I'm not much for reading into things, but - no joke - my VCR spit this out twice last night when I put it in. Turns out I'm dumb enough to fix the problem (stuck gate) and throw the video back in. The plot is roughly this - evil Dr. Saticoy wants a magic crystal held by The Holy Rollers (yes, roller skating nuns). The crystal has the power to heal the dead but he wants it to launch himself across a cavern to some weapons factory. Did I mention he has a mutant baby for a right hand? This is truly one of the worst films ever made. Words really can't describe how awful it is. The whole thing is dubbed (by people with heavy accents) and everyone talks as if in a Shakespeare play with lots of "Thee" and "Thou" being slung around. And, for whatever reason, in the bleak future everyone will be on roller skates. The film just drags and one can't help but wonder what kinda of drugs director Donald Jackson was on. Sadly, he tried to ply this trash as art and throws out, "If you don't like it, you don't get it" in interviews. Um, no. I actually remember liking his HELL CAME TO FROGTOWN.The end credits threaten ROLLER BLADE PART 2: HOLY THUNDER. Jackson never burdened the world with that specific follow-up, but did unleash SIX (!!!) more ROLLER BLADE themed films, including the amusingly titled ROLLERGATOR.

I gave it an 8.. if you're looking for a B movie..ONLY a B movie will fit the bill..the fact that the entire cast is on rollerskates was the first clue that this was a truly a B movie.I don't understand why folks insist on sitting through B movies and then get mad. You know it sucks. You know it's the chum of the movie world..yet..you keep looking for poached salmon..blegh.. get over it. Watch it for what it is..Even Mother Speed (wheelchair bound) is wearing skates..holy crap..My husband's favorite is the "Holy Hot Tub" where all wounds are healed.. with chicks with big boobs rubbing each other.. jeez.. if that doesn't say B movie..nothing does..Get over it.. watch it for the silliness.stupidity and complete ridiculous premise.. have some FUN..jeez.. it ain't art..tis... crap.. enjoy it!!!!

No question about it, this film is awful. Perhaps the most amazing thing is that it appears to have 4 sequels! The only one I have seen is Roller Blade Warriors: Taken By Force, and its just as bad.Although a bit boring, I will give the film points for a creative plot. In some kind of post nuclear wasteland type (Mad Max rip off) world, there exists a group of roller skating nuns. They worship a 1970's era happy face icon. Their leader is named Mother Speed. She sits in a wheelchair with her skates on. She endlessly babbles horrible mock-Shakespearian dialogue, her favorite phrase is "Yeah Verily." Several of her nuns are played by actresses who are porn stars. They don't wear much normally and like to strip naked for certain initiation rites which take place in a hot tub (which still somehow works perfectly after everything else has been destroyed). The nuns can heal wounds with special powers which cause the happy face to appear. There is one notable scene with Mother Speed endlessly turning the handle of a pencil sharpener (with an orange happy face on top) which is attached to a Panasonic telephone answering machine. It makes a kind of whining noise while others look on in wonder.The nuns battle their enemy Dr. Saticoy (which is named after a street in L.A.). A bunch of stupid stuff happens and Saticoy is eventually launched into the air on some kind of rocket powered device. Its real hard to figure out exactly what this is all about as the plot gets hopelessly lost as the film goes on.Bad as this film is, it might actually be a little better than the director's previous film The Demon Lover from 1976. I'm amazed this director actually has 19 film credits!

I thought this movie was great! You've got nuns on rollerskates, women, punk rockers and more! If you enjoy low budget films, check this one out... it's worth it.