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Waste of time

For all the hype it got I was expecting a lot more!

Exactly the movie you think it is, but not the movie you want it to be.

A clunky actioner with a handful of cool moments.

When I initially heard about Mama Dracula and read the premise I immediately thought of the Carry On films. I expected a camp Carry On Screaming knock off set around Countess Elizabeth Bathory. Truth be told that's what it tries to be but sadly lacks the talented cast, the charm and the humour that was essential to the Carry On movies success.Featuring a terrible generic story line, viciously annoying characters, jokes that fall flat and some dire dialogue this is everything I'd hoped it wouldn't be.I get the impression the vampire twins were supposed to be the true stars who steal each scene but truth is the movie dropped in my opinion every time they appeared as they offered little beyond face palms & cringe inducing moments.If you seek horror, keep looking. If you seek comedy, you won't find any here. If you seek something that quite frankly isn't far off deserving a place in IMDb's bottom list, you've found what you're looking for.

Obviously I had nothing to do with this production, and actually it was released before I was even born, but still I somewhat feel the necessity to apologize to all the poor people who – like myself – struggled their way through this film and literally hated every single minute of it. Why? Because I'm from Belgium and apparently so is this miserable excuse for a horror movie! There aren't too many horror films being made in Belgium, but judging by the quality of "Mama Dracula", that's maybe a good thing. This is supposed to be a horror comedy, but we all know what the main problem with these flicks is… They're not scary and they're definitely not funny! Some of the basic ideas in the script definitely show potential (like the spin on the Countess Bathory legend), but the film is unendurably tedious, imbecilic and embarrassing. It's a complete mystery how Louise Fletcher ended up in such an inferior Belgian film production, barely five years after winning an Oscar for one of the greatest motion pictures ever made, but luckily enough she stills keeps her dignity. Fletcher plays the title role, but perhaps they couldn't pay her enough, as her role definitely isn't the leading part. She's a posh vampire who requires bathing in the blood of young virgins in order to maintain her beauty. The problem nowadays, however, is that virgins are becoming quite rare in this indecent day and age. She therefore orders to kidnap the young scientist Dr. Van Bloed, as he's on the verge of achieving a breakthrough with his synthetic blood formula. The jokes – if you can even refer to them like that – solely revolve on a handful of totally insufferable characters. The horrible vampire twin brothers are the absolute worst, closely followed by a police inspector who yells out "sabotage" all the time, and the young dorky scientist. "Mama Dracula" is hectic and irritating, with a plot that continuously jumps back and forth between semi-processed plot ideas and lame gags. The twins own (or perhaps just work) in a fashion store where they kidnap young girls from the cubicles. These sequences aren't very important, but I want to mention them nevertheless because at least they featured some nudity. Horrible movie, avoid at all costs … and once more my most sincere apologies in case you already had the displeasure of seeing it.

... doesn't mean that you should.And few films seem to exemplify that more than this one.I gave it 1 star because: 1) there wasn't anything lower available to give it here other than 0 stars, and it ain't getting off that easy, and 2) I did enjoy some of the music in the movie (when it wasn't trying to sound 'comical' when the twin vampires were doing whatever the heck it is they're doing while the cameras were rolling... it sure wasn't anything funny, that's for sure.) So, I gave it 1 star for some of the music. It's still probably 1 star more than it deserved, though.The lead actress is Louise Fletcher who went on to portray Kai Winn in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. I probably should go back and give it an extra star just for her... but that would probably cause people to think that I enjoyed this... thing... more than I didn't. And that would be the same as lying; and I don't want to be called a liar.Vampire fans - If it was at all possible to drive a stake through the heart of a movie, I would gladly volunteer my services to do so in order to save the rest of you from ever stumbling across this rancid pile of guano.Louise Fletcher fans - Watch something else which you will be able to enjoy her performing in, because this just ain't it.In all, it was 90 minutes of my life which I shall never see again, and countless brain cells which I could've killed off with a good beer buzz, instead. I wish that I had a beer buzz right now; maybe it would help me forget this.Okay, I don't see anything that qualifies as a spoiler in here, so I won't check-mark that box. It's impossible to spoil this movie any more than the director, writers and actors already did. In fact, this movie is so spoiled that it probably should be thrown out with the wilted lettuce and that expired milk carton in the fridge.It's just... that... bad.

Unless the comic idea of heavy mid-European accents (mostly pronouncing the letter "v" as "w" and vice versa - "wampire" instead of "vampire", "vant" instead of "want", etc.) strikes you as hilarious, avoid this utterly awful "comedy" - it's the best idea that it has to offer! The script sucks harder than any vampire ever could. It's hard to decide who's more annoying - the nerdy scientist or the vampire brothers? (the brothers probably win). Maria Schneider is also in this, and it's easy to see why she's been described elsewhere as a "non-actress" - she doesn't even try to act. At least Louise Fletcher manages to keep her dignity (the makeup artists have done a marvelous job on her). A few beautifully natural breasts get bared, but I still cannot give this anything higher than 0.5 out of 4 stars.