Watch Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter For Free

It's an amazing and heartbreaking story.

A movie that not only functions as a solid scarefest but a razor-sharp satire.

This is a coming of age storyline that you've seen in one form or another for decades. It takes a truly unique voice to make yet another one worth watching.

The film may be flawed, but its message is not.

Good god. What a motion picture. I went in expecting nothing, but boy was I surprised. This movie has it all. Vampires, lesbians, motorcycles, butt grabbing, well choreographed fight scenes, jumpsuits, Jesus singing, and so much more. The soundtrack is SO good. I just wanted to stick my d*ck in the entire movie soundtrack it was so f*cking good. My personal favorite was "Everybody gets laid tonight". Truly an instant classic. The one major downside is that the soundtrack isn't available on iTunes. Does anyone know where I can cop a copy? Seriously this soundtrack makes me want to f*ck someone's sideburns so hard Jesus Christ (pun intended). I hate my entire self. Anyway the acting was also A plus like the actors seemed like they should've made it in Hollywood. If you have ANY money to your name, buy this movie. You won't be sorry.

Although fiction may use real people and real events along with or instead of imaginary characters, my view is that it crosses the line and becomes an egregious act of slanderous defamation and calumnious denigration when it deliberately distorts the reality of a historically prominent figure and maliciously misrepresents the nature and character of that person. So, for example, to portray a known-to-be-non-violent person such as Jesus of Nazareth as being some kung-fu warrior who inflicts bodily harm upon others does way more than cross that line that ignores the reality of Jesus...it tries to form that line into another bloody cross and nail Him to it all over again! Although non-violent, Jesus is certainly no cowardly wimp. And not all students of His teachings are gonna just sit back and turn the other cheek so to speak while movie-makers merrily mock Him like He is some kind of circus clown or prophet puppet fashioned solely for their amusement! Woe unto thee, ye ungodly perpetrators of this cosmic crime, an evil attack against God and All Beings Holy and Divine! Woe unto thee, you mischievously wicked malcontents who peddle your dirty little damnation deed perhaps inspired by some demonically-flavored Satan-seed! Woe unto thee, ye blinded by darkness fools who squirm like slothful worms in the thick mud of night, trembling like broken twigs in the wind when confronted by the God of Life and Light! So to sum up this movie in just three words: Slander. Blasphemy. Sacrilege. To sum up Jesus in three words: I will not even attempt that one. There are no words adequate enough to even partially describe His gracious nature and charismatic personality. But to know Him is to love Him. And to love Him is to defend Him when others spit in His Face and trample all over His offers of mercy and grace.

I am, admittedly, someone who believes in Jesus as who he says he is in the Christian bible. (Who HE says he is, not who "christians" say he is.) I am also rational, open-minded, and can certainly have a sense of humor when it comes to things of this nature. In fact, I was pretty excited to watch this when I read about it. Low budget in itself does not automatically disqualify ANY film from being considered one of quality. It can be done with great skill, creativity and style. By reading some of the reviews here and on Netflix, I got the impression JCVH had those things going for it. Good God was I wrong.It was by no means offensive. In fact, it didn't even border on it for me. Blasphemous? I suppose, in the most fundamental way, and to only the most small-minded of the Christian community. Perhaps the reason I found it so shockingly unoffensive was the fact that I never even really felt as if I was watching Jesus. That guy was no more Jesus than he was Ving Rhames. Chris Kattan, sure. Jesus, not so much. I read someone imply the film had some biblical wit to it- that is, the writers had some knowledge of the bible and used it to make the film funnier. That turned out to be untrue as well.The film is not really overly crude or vulgar, which is probably what most people expect it to be when they read the basic plot synopsis. Truthfully, it wasn't even funny at all. Weird and incredibly awkward, yes. Genuinely funny, not at all. There were even parts that made me feel very weird inside, and I think at one point I threw up in my mouth a little. (Transvestites with big hairy boobs tend to do that to me.) Now that I think about it, a little good old fashioned crude vulgarity would have done this film some good.As far as the technical aspects of the film, well, they are atrocious in every way imaginable. Again, with a little hard work and creativity, low budget can be done with some style. This was brutal to watch. The sound was some of the worst I've ever seen, if not THE worst. The dialog was so not in sync with the picture it looked as if it was dubbed. Visually, it was just as bad. Now, I'm no Avatar fan boy who judges films only by their visuals. (In fact, I pretty much hate all action movies.) But this was unbearable. Hard to believe this thing was made when it was.The reality here is, this is an awful film. The whole thing really just made my skin crawl. I really wanted to like it, and I stuck it out all the way to the end. But when all is said and done, there's nothing appealing about this film beyond its premise. And because the premise itself is still fantastic, it gets saved from the dreaded 1/10 rating.

This film was nearly impossible to sit through, but as a die hard film critic and fan, I decided to power through. The only way I made it all the way to the end was because I had a few friends to joke with about it the whole way through, which was far more interesting than the movie itself.From a production standpoint, it's unbearable. It seems like they grabbed a camera from circa 1975 and shot the whole thing with only video on 16mm film, then dubbed EVERY SOUND OVER..from background noise to main concept dialogue. Hardly any of this is correct as far as continuity goes, but I didn't expect much from the first scene on.I read online that this film had a $100,000 budget. It's movies like this that really encourage me to go to film school, because I know that if I only had a $20 budget, I could still make a better film than this.Please don't put yourself through the torture of watching this movie...unless you have some witty friends 'enjoy' it with you and keep it interesting =D