Watch Modern Vampires For Free

Excellent but underrated film

Yo, there's no way for me to review this film without saying, take your *insert ethnicity + "ass" here* to see this film,like now. You have to see it in order to know what you're really messing with.

This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.

It is a whirlwind of delight --- attractive actors, stunning couture, spectacular sets and outrageous parties.

Ferocious and mysterious vampire prostitute Nico (a pleasingly saucy portrayal by Natasha Gregson Wagner) prowls the streets for victims in Los Angeles. Nico teams up with renegade vampire Dallas (smoothly played by Casper Van Dien) in order to protect herself from a secret community of bloodsucking snobs who want to destroy her. Meanwhile, the batty Dr. Frederick Van Helsing (a gloriously hammy Rod Steiger) enlists the assistance of a motley crew of black gang bangers to aide him on his mission to eradicate vampires off the face of the earth.Director Richard Elfman keeps the entertainingly loopy story moving along at a zippy pace, maintains an engaging campy tone throughout, and delivers plenty of gore, nudity, and deviant sexuality (it turns out humans can be transformed into vampires if they do the nasty with a bloodsucker!). Matthew Bright's wickedly witty script not only puts a few fresh spins on the standard vampire premise (in an especially nice touch, Van Helsing is depicted as an ex-Nazi), but also pokes hilariously wacky fun at the haughty, decadent, and superficial lifestyle of the Californian upper-class. Moreover, it's acted with zest by an enthusiastic cast: Gabriel Casseus as easygoing homeboy Time Bomb, Kim Cattrall as the sultry and predatory Ulrike, Craig Ferguson as jolly Brit Richard, Robert Pastorelli as fearsome top dog the Count, Natalya Andreychenko as the elegant Panthia, Natasha Lyonne as ditsy party girl Rachel, and Udo Kier as the suavely depraved Vincent. Robin Brown's glossy cinematography provides a slick'n'stylish look. A total hoot.

REVENANT (originally titled MODERN VAMPIRES) is a low budget vampire comedy that was marketed as a straightforward vampire horror flick here in the UK. Either way it's a dog of a film, shot on what looks like no budget and in the dark, and made as a TV movie too. This spoofy yarn supposedly reveals the real life of the modern Hollywood vampire, which seems to involve hanging around in nightclubs and acting incredibly vapid and self-centred.A plethora of gore gags and lame make-up effects are thrown into the mix to try to make something stick, but the truth is that this is a lamentable film indeed. There's nothing worse than an unfunny comedy, and REVENANT is exactly that; I can honestly say I didn't laugh once. John Landis's INNOCENT BLOOD is a perfect example of the genre at its finest and this film doesn't even come close to the quality of that movie.Bizarrely, Rod Steiger makes an appearance as Van Helsing here, so you have to feel for him a little. But wooden actors like Casper Van Dien and Kim Cattrall both should know better. There's a mercifully brief cameo from Udo Kier, but for much of the running time we have to put up with the appalling grating accents of Craig Ferguson and his buddies. As I said, it's a dog of a film.

MODERN VAMPIRES is an (obviously) independent (obviously) low budget "off-beat" little thing that features Casper Van Dien. His character is a vampire who smiles a lot and always seems to be thinking "dude! I'm a vampire!" All the vampires in the picture like to show their fangs a lot and have no conception of subtlety, even though they are supposed to be fashionable. Rod Steiger appears as Van Helsing in this version (who is somehow only about 60 years old at the end of the 20th century) and he has a huge grudge against Van Dien's character for making his son a vampire. A prostitute vampire figures prominently in the plot and our hero takes her under his wing to show her the ropes of vampire society and to save her from a vampire count who wants her dead. Any of this sound interesting to you yet? It isn't. I just watched it because I thought the Sci-Fi channel might be showing a real movie for a change. Wrong! This cheap, un-involving junk is on par with all the crap they show. The lighting and music are really bad points that go extra far to cheapen an already lame production. MODERN VAMPIRES even takes a few stabs at being funny, but these fail too. It's as if a made for TV film decided half-way through production to be hip and trendy like FROM DUSK TILL DAWN, but wasn't quite sure how to go about it. This is exactly what you'd expect it to be: wanna-be quirky, poorly acted, boring, predictable, and downright annoying when it tries to make you like it. I genuinely hope that this director never gets work again. Unless you're a sucker for seeing Rod Steiger making a fool of himself, stay far away from MODERN VAMPIRES.

Personally I think this movie is a riot.. =] I first saw it in San Francisco when it was being screened in an artsy movie house as "Revenant".It isn't remotely meant to be serious.. in fact it is the campiest movie I've seen in quite awhile! I would think that any fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 would enjoy this style of cinema. It has more of a "B" movie vibe, more like "Eight legged freaks", "Hedwig and the Angry Inch", or "Pricilla Queen of the Desert". It has quite a few familiar faces too, and of course Casper's butt is always a welcome site.. ::smirk::