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Simply Perfect

Better Late Then Never

If the ambition is to provide two hours of instantly forgettable, popcorn-munching escapism, it succeeds.

Blistering performances.

I had heard of Ed Wood from people in the past so I never looked for any of his movies.If people talk about him, he must suck.Boy was I ever right.I didn't search for this movie and didn't know it was a Wood movie until the opening credits.This movie takes place in a world where everyone has thirty foot high ceilings and a liquor stand/bar type thing.Everyone wears a suit, even when they are out committing crimes.They even put their tie back on before they leave jail when they get bailed out.The main character is a guy named Don Gregor and that's funny to me because I know a girl named Dawn Gregor.The only good thing in the movie happens rather early.We are treated to a great performance by a man in blackface.It has absolutely nothing to do with the story either.None of the characters where there watching him.It was blackface just for the fun of it.So Don's dad is a plastic surgeon who carries a house call bag with him.Because that makes sense.Anyway, Don and a friend decide to rob a theater late at night and of course the door is unlocked.His friend says the guard will know the combination to the safe.The only guard in the history of the world who would have the safe combination.And the guard does know it.Don kills the guard and you immediately hear police sirens.Then they get chased by the cops at a blistering twenty miles an hour and have no trouble eluding them.Even though no one saw who shot the guard, the radio news announces that Don did it.So Don goes to his dad's office in the middle of the night and dad and his secretary are there!Then the cops show up and they know everything.It was literally dark through the entire movie and everyone in the world was wide awake.Did I mention that there was lame flamenco guitar and piano in the background through the entire movie?As if that wasn't bad enough, the ending was even worse.And why does the DVD cover have a man with a bandaged face in a jail cell?That never even happened.Never see this.

"Jail Bait" is another El Stinko Ed Wood movie, probably only good viewing for those cold snowy nights with nothing to do. However, if you are a Ed Wood fan who has viewed his previous clinkers, you'll LOVE it!The most annoying yet bizarre component of the movie is the soundtrack. It consists of a Spanish Mandolin guitar playing songs that sound like your dining in a Italian restaurant. Why this is done? God only knows! I guess Old Ed thought the jangling notes would add extra tension to dramatic scenes--me,.. I just thought it was weird!Don't be fooled by the title..."Jail Bait" is NOT referring to the acquisition of teenage girls...nope, the title is simply explained in one line "That GUN is jail bait!" Oh, you'll see some slight 1950's style erotica...sexy evening gowns and slight sheer lounging pajamas...snappy dialogue.Also, don't see "Jail Bait" if you get offended by minstrel shows (The NAACP hasn't gotten to this one yet) I guess this is inserted into the film for some kind of burlesque entertainment value....if it was played today, a probable riot would happen.Interesting to note---and his performance is a VERY young Steve Reeves. Still on the muscle bulky side...but what the heck! He's young, got a LOT of steroid growing to do as in his future Hercules movies!The acting is simply AWFUL as in every Ed Wood flick...but what the hey!it's a shade better than "Plan 9 from Outer Space"

Meek aspiring criminal Don Gregor (a hysterically twitchy portrayal Clancy Moore) gets drawn into the seedy underworld of gangland crime by no-count hoodlum Vic Brady (a pleasingly slimy turn by Timothy Farrell). After Don accidentally shoots a cop during a bungled hold-up, he finds himself in deep trouble that not even his rich and illustrious plastic surgeon father Dr. Gregor (played with surprising dignity by Herbert Rawlinson) can get him out of. Writer/director Ed Wood's typically cheap and clumsy foray into film noir shows a bit more competence than usual (William C. Thompson's stark black and white cinematography makes nifty occasional use of fades and wipes), but nonetheless is still silly and laughable enough to size up as an amusingly inane piece of schlock. For example, the characteristically overripe dialogue boasts a few choice hard-boiled howlers (sample line: "I don't like dead men cluttering up my place"). The ratty sets and lurid back alley locations add to the pervasively tawdry atmosphere. The hit-or-miss acting is likewise a lot of fun: Lyle Talbot does well as no-nonsense Inspector Johns, lovely blonde Dolores Fuller ain't half bad as Don's concerned girlfriend Marilyn Cooper, and legendary muscleman Steve Reeves in his less-than-sterling film debut as Johns' hopelessly stolid partner Lt. Bob Lawrence gives a performance that's so incredibly stiff and wooden you could use it as an ironing board (Steve even goes shirtless once to show off his admittedly impressive six-pack for no real credible reason as well!). Wood handles the sporadic action with his customary ineptitude; the climactic shoot-out in particular is uproariously fumbled. As a nice added bonus a voluptuous showgirl struts her sizzling sexy stuff on stage in a nightclub. Best of all, there's a wildly inappropriate score with a pounding piano and jittery flamenco guitar blaring away constantly throughout the whole picture. A total crummy riot.

How could you not like Ed Wood? Here was a man who loved film making for which he had absolutely no talent. He never gave up, he scrounged around for money and locations, used actors with no ability or who were desperate for work, and is treasured by all bad-movie buffs. He would probably be thrilled that his name is universally recognized albeit as the worst director of all times.He does his magic again with "Jail Bait", an inept film to say the least. All that needs to be said about the acting, dialog, sets, and the annoying music has already been covered on these boards, so I won't repeat it. I'll just say that I wonder how Lyle Talbot, who had a pretty decent career in films in the 1930s and early 40s, ever sank to this level. He was a face that appeared all over moviedom for years and was a good actor in support of some of the big stars of the day. Times must have been very, very hard for him to stoop to this. We know why Bela Lugosi worked with Wood but maybe Talbot did it on a bet.....or not. It's always sad to see competent actors who once had careers, end up in this manner.If you have never seen an Ed Wood film, put this one on your "must see list"..........really all of his films are "must sees" if you are a fan of "so bad that they are good" movies. Ed Wood, I salute you!!!!!!