Watch Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business For Free

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A Masterpiece!

Good films always raise compelling questions, whether the format is fiction or documentary fact.

It is a whirlwind of delight --- attractive actors, stunning couture, spectacular sets and outrageous parties. It's a feast for the eyes. But what really makes this dramedy work is the acting.

Apparently shot back-to-back with the truly abysmal UNIVERSAL SOLDIER II: BROTHERS IN ARMS, this is marginally better than its predecessor but still a generally worthless and unnecessary second sequel to a film which didn't need one in the first place. Firstly, let me go through all the bad points. Battaglia and West are back from the first film, and they don't seem to have gained much acting skill in the process, although their characters are slightly more human and likable this time around. Human action-man Jeff Wincott returns as Battaglia's brother, this time reprogrammed as a robot baddie. Get this: he has a titanic bust-up with his brother, remembers their history, gets to do some male bonding, and then finally explodes. An interesting cameo appearance to say the least.This "explosion" is one of the most amusing aspects of the movie and a highlight of its inadequacy - a scientist tells us the blast radius is "twenty yards", but the actual underwhelming explosion is no more than twenty inches! Unfortunately director Jeff Woolnough's irritating camera tricks are still evident as the film goes in slow-motion for absolutely no other reason than to look supposedly "stylish", and sudden loud bursts of music assault the viewer for no particular reason (all loud, pumping military-type stuff, with the occasional burst of hilarious classical music during the mindless shooting as we had in Part II).The plot is utterly boring as usual, as our characters go from one dangerous action set-piece to the next, the film-makers displaying scant regard for logic or reason. The final half just seems to be lots of minor characters getting shot to little or no effect; in fact the same sequence is repeated so often that there's no impact at all when it happens. The laughable script has lines like "resurrection failure" and the like. When one robot said "nice night for a walk" (like in THE TERMINATOR) I couldn't believe my ears. The first hour is almost totally devoid of action, although the few deaths and shootings that do occur are mildly entertaining in a silly, over-the-top dramatic kind of way.Where this film is better than sequel is in its amusing sequences like when a failed soldier is burnt alive in a big oven which just happened to be there. Burt Reynolds also has a fairly prominent role this time around, replacing Gary Busey's role from the previous instalment as he chews on a cigar and speaks in frankly the most unrealistic accent (Irish? Who knows) that I've heard in a film. At least he isn't hiding in the shadows, but to watch this once respected actor (remember DELIVERANCE?) throw away what career he had - especially coming only a year after the mainstream success of BOOGIE NIGHTS - is a little sad. In a bizarre metaphor for his acting career, Reynolds commits suicide in the movie - much like he killed his career when making this film. However, there is some hope for the actor - in the film, he's reborn, so perhaps his career will be "reborn" in the next few years. I guess we'll have to wait and see. UNIVERSAL SOLDIER III is a bad film, yes, but with a few amusing minor elements to make it a harmless time-waster. The ending adds an amusing conspiracy-type twist with the insinuation that the president himself is a robot, and leaves things open for possible further sequels. Thankfully, in the three years since this was made, none have followed, which may be just as well.

Universal Soldier III: Let's be honest here, my hopes for Universal Soldier 3 were not exactly high. In fact, so low were they that even a modicum of style or verve would have been acceptable. So, did it live down to my prejudices? Oh, yes indeedy. In a move so audacious, they can only be commended, the casting personnel for the movie managed to locate and hire the only man alive with less acting talent and on screen charisma than either Long Cord Man Slamme or Dolphin Lundgren. In fact, when comparing the lead role here with Dolphin, it is hard not to bring to mind a battle of acting prowess between Meryl Streep and Jimmy Krankie, with Dolphin in the role of Streep. Matt Battaglia, a one man slab of mahogany gurns and stammers his way through a movie so lacking in style at one point I actually broke down and wept, head falling forwards, face slapping into my bowl of Super Noodles (beef), only able to breath by mercy of the fact that one noodle slipped up a nostril and I was able, through sheer force of will, to suck enough oxygen through the wheat construct to sustain life. When my energy returned, mercifully, the movie had ended, the on screen message taunting me "View Again?" No, my friend, I commanded the V+ box, not ever again.

If you can actually tolerate watching "Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business" all the way through, you find yourself much like Keanu Reeves in "The Matrix" with all you can say being, "whoa." This whole movie is just plain weird. The sheer fact that the producers made a cheesy spin off "Universal Soldier II" only to make a sequel-to-the-sequel "Universal Soldier III" tells you someone had too much fun with the storyline. Amazingly enough, despite the low budget nature of this film, the acting (while poor) and scenes are surprisingly better than "Universal Soldier: The Return" which says something about the quality of sequels. If you can't sleep at night, this is one of those movies you can watch to waste time.

A film devoid of merit, it almost defies articulation in its lack of creativity, originality, and knowledge of film making. Burt Reynolds provides a complete rationale for why his career has almost come to an end with a performance that probably best describes his true essence. This film has accomplished one feat I would have thought impossible, it almost made Jean-Claude Van Damme's earlier version seem worthwhile. Put a torch to this tape and spare future viewers the wasted time.