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I wanted to but couldn't!

Excellent but underrated film

It's easily one of the freshest, sharpest and most enjoyable films of this year.

Exactly the movie you think it is, but not the movie you want it to be.

Evil prison inmate Kol (essayed with hammy brio by Ross Hagen) escapes to Earth after breaking out from a remote space station penitentiary. The warden (a seriously cranky Jan-Michael Vincent) sends an unstoppable assassin known as the Alienator (beefy butch bodybuilder Teagan) to take Kol down. Boy, does this cruddy low-budget sci-fi clunker fail to hit the mark: The ham-fisted (mis)direction by Fred Olen Ray, plodding pace, a shabby script by Paul Garson, lots of comically bad acting, ineptly staged action set pieces, tacky (far from) special effects, dopey humor, tin-eared dialogue ("Your lover boy is burnt toast by now"), mild gore, and a crippling lack of both tension and vitality ensure that this honey ain't ever going to be reappraised as some kind of unjustly maligned lost classic. Chuck Cirino's mechanically bouncy score doesn't help matters any. On the plus side, John Phillip Law tries hard as rugged game warden Ward Armstrong, P.J. Soles shows off some tasty cleavage, Hoke Howell and Fox Harris provide a few laughs as a pair of bumbling idiot poachers, and Leo Gordon chews up the scenery with lip-smacking glee as gung-ho two-fisted Vietnam veteran Colonel Coburn. A real schlockfest.

Alienator (1990) * 1/2 (out of 4) With Fred Olen Ray directing and just looking at the title and what movie it's "copying" you should know what to expect. Kol (Ross Hagen) is about to be executed when he escapes his planet so the commander (Jan-Michael Vincent) sends a female alien to Earth to try and track him down. Kol ends up running into a sheriff and five drunks and soon they're caught up in this battle. There's no big secret that ALIENATOR is a pretty bad movie but I have to give credit to director Fred Olen Ray for at least knowing he's making a low-budget, bad movie. The reason I say that is that I often get the itch to watch a movie like this and more often than not you have a director thinking he's working with a $200-million dollar budget. The young director will try tricky shots, various plot twists and by the end of the movie you're asking yourself if the guy knew he was just making a piece of junk and you'll wonder why he thought he could do more with it. Mr. Ray doesn't go for that and instead it's clear that he knows what type of movie he's making and he just tries to make the best of it. This is certainly a bad film but at least there's some mild charm to be had. I thought there were a couple fairly funny moments but the highlight has to be the costume that our female killer wears. I'm not even going to attempt to try and explain it but once you see the thing you'll know what I mean. I also have to tip my hat to the outfit worn by P.J. Soles (HALLOWEEN, CARRIE) because it too is quite catchy and you can tell some imagination went into it. The special effects are obviously silly but it appears they're having a fun time with them. Yes, the performances are also bad but again credit has to go to Ray. Instead of trying to get the actors to do Shakespeare, he instead has some over-the-top moments that at least fits the performances. The violence/gore/nudity level is shockingly low, which is one negative thing as a bit more of any probably would have helped things. ALIENATOR is a bad film, yes, but when you compare it to other rips of THE TERMINATOR you'll see that it could have been much, much worse.

Music that grinds on the nerves like fingernails on a blackboard, acting that is so zombielike it was a shame to waste the cast by not making a second movie; casting everyone in it as true zombies---with the cast of Sabrina the Teenaged Witch as the heroes... a movie so downright awful that if "stoners" were still around it might be considered a cult movie---but, oh so amateurish, the scripts might as well have been carried around by the actors, their lines read as they slowly shuffled through the movie---banal, illogical sets modeled after LA subdivisions, props straight from ToysRus! Was a movie ever made that is so completely and totally inept??? Logic flies to the wind in this plodding, senseless, pointless and with a "monster" so stupid and uncoordinated that it couldn't catch a turtle in an icebox---lowcut, leggy---and amazon! It kept my attention all the way through; the way a terrible, ongoing chain accident in the fog involving multiple vehicles keeps one watching to the very end... as, after a ridiculous ray-gun fight in a prison on another planet, a pneumaticaly-disadvantaged sexy and mentally unbalanced bounty hunter chases a retarded extra-terrestrial fugitive---TO EARTH! Don't let anybody p**s on your popcorn, you might actually enjoy watching this one. It's that bad!

Nothing can prepare you for another lousy bimbo outing! This time, it's being brought to you by the never-inevitable Fred Olen Ray! As far as exploitation movies go, this one doesn't click! As science fiction, it's plain unoriginal! All that we see is an an ugly feminine android wearing a bikini out to destroy the Earth, and showing off all that's nearly bare to resist! Give me a f---ing break!!! If this kind of entertainment is your thing, then why not dust off those old SI swimsuit mags from the attic for a change?! This would have been much better if it didn't set the sleaze factor on very high, but that still wouldn't make this one great. I'd like to point out another film called THE ASSAULT (1996) by Jim Wynorski, which resembles the identity of ALIENATOR. It illustrates why top-notch 1st-person "femme fatale" action movies don't translate well in America. Sorry, fellas!